I'm trying to figure out what to do and not to do to be able to treat all the kids fairly.
2006-06-27 15:05:51 · 10 answers · asked by rapidschick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have 2 step children and 2 biological children....the best advice I can offer is this: You must approach each one alone and when the time is right and explain that you do not love any one of your "children" more than the other...just in different ways. For example I have a 16 yo step daughter and a 2 year old daughter....I explained to my 16 year old that loving her requires me to give her space to be with friends and to question her about her boyfriend, school, her friends and so on, where as love for her sister consists of playing on the floor, tickling her belly, chasing her outside....It isn't more or less, just different. And then, you have to be absolutely vigilant that you NEVER digress from this plan. We have been a blended family for 13 years and so far, so good. All of my kids know how much they are loved and in return, I get love from 4 of the most amazing kids EVER.....but I am a tad bias! :) Best of luck, I;ll keep you in my thoughts!
2006-06-27 15:31:22 · answer #1 · answered by MaHaa 4 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Let the steps know that you have to deal with them because you married their parent, and that you won't ever love them as much as your own flesh and blood. I mean, really, your new wife has a hot 19 year old daughter, you might be like, darn, that girl is hot.
Okay, KIDDING. You need to approach fairness as a logical thing, not an emotional. Love your kids more if you can't help it, but use logic as an explanation for everyone being treated fairly.
2006-06-27 15:20:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that there is a list of do's and don'ts when it comes to step kids and real kids. i have 4 step kids and 2 kids of my own. we all got along pretty well. i feel the key is open communication setting up rules and talking about them with everyone involved and having the same rules for everyone. it also helps if the adults involved can communicate in a positive manner with each other. if the kids see the adults getting along it makes it alot easier for them to get along to. talk to all the kids, let them have some say in what goes on. they need to have a little control in the situation also. but most of all respect. let people voice there opinions and listen to them. but a big mistake is to try to bend over backwards to let the step kids have everything, they have to learn to follow the same rules as your kids while in your house. if you make a difference in the kids, then the kids will respond to that. i hope this helps you, it has really worked for us for the last 11 years.
2006-06-27 15:22:37 · answer #3 · answered by step 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step what an awful word. You are not going to win these kids over if you use that word to seperate what child belongs to who in the relationship.
Treat each on like they are your own, and the whole family will be a lot happier!
Believe me, when you have done everything you can for those children later in life and you are at a function and you are introduced as their step-mother, it will cut you to the quick, because they will remember how you seperated them from your children when they small. You have to make this your family. Not his, mine and ours. Work together as one family.
2006-06-27 15:30:33 · answer #4 · answered by lilbitevil2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Treat them like they are your kids when it comes to attention, money, and discipline. But respect that they have another mother/father, and according to your spouses wishes, raise them with that person's guidance.
Reward the children when they deserve it, but be consistent with the lot of them.
Be good to them and listen to them. They've been through alot, and they'll probably teach you more than you can teach them. Don't treat them like they don't understand life, but rather, take what they have to say into account and let them see you doing it, while forming your own conclusion about what to do. Be careful and do not be quick to judge. Be fair and consistent.
Good luck
2006-06-27 15:12:01 · answer #5 · answered by Rockstar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
treat the step kids as your own, involve them with everything you do with your kids, get to know their teachers at school and introduce yourself to all their teachers as their parent. introduce them as your child not your step-child. don't do anything different for them to make then want to accept you, just be yourself and treat them like your own children.
if there is a discipline problem, do the disciplining with your spouse not by yourself, so that the real parent will not think you are trying to take total control of their kids. also let the new spouse help with disciplining you own children also. this is a two way street, because your kids is your new spouses step-kids also.
i had a step that did that, and i consider him more of a father then my own because he treated my like his own. he would take me to his job and introduce me as his daughter, not his step-daughter. he would let me ride on the tractor with him when he cut the grass. he would take time to talk to me when i got in trouble in school and help me solve the problem. he taught me how to BBQ just in general he was my dad. he may not been my father, but he was there for me so that made him my dad.
good luck, hope this will give you some help
2006-06-27 15:17:21 · answer #6 · answered by sister cool breeze 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
number one don't try to be the disciplinary person that sets them over the edge be calm cool and collected
2006-06-27 15:12:15 · answer #7 · answered by Jake K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
walk softly when it comes to someone elses kids
2006-06-27 15:09:44 · answer #8 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no idon't but treat them fairly
2006-06-27 15:08:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah dont be awful to them and if they're awful to you ignore them and keep to yourself. if things get really bad ask if you kan live w/ your otha parent.-kraioloa
2006-06-27 15:08:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋