Everything bad that I do, I have to hit rock bottom before I learn my lesson and before I can change... Does anyone know if I can do something about this? It makes a lot of things very difficult, including just living my own life... Someone can tell me how bad things will be, but I have to personally experience them and go through the pain before I build up the strength to change... Is this normal? Can I change it? Does that make me a bad person?
**I'm 16 and I've been this way all my life**
2006-06-27 15:02:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
You are not a bad person. What you are talking about is related to our human nature. Our bodies and minds are designed to be attracted to: pleasure, status, approval of others, comfort, and other things of that nature. We are designed to try to avoid: pain, danger, discomfort, work, etc.
The trouble, of course, is that some of the things we are attracted to, will in the short term or long term cause us pain or suffering if we do them too much or sometimes even once. Likewise, things we are programmed to avoid are necessary to do in order to get more important long term rewards. As, if we are an adult and don't work, we will not have the money we need to pay rent or buy food.
What you are experiencing is that you are getting some kind of rewards from doing things that will cause you to experience suffering. What you call "building up the strength" by "hitting rock bottom" is that when you experience enough suffering that the severity of the suffering or the total amount of it is greater than the rewards you get, the suffering plus your will power is able to keep you from doing the behavior again. I have experienced this many times.
The solution is to build up your will power to the point that you don't need to experience the suffering to not do what is harmful to you. One of the secrets of this to start out small. Deny your self little pleasures that are unimportant. Do little things that are good for you but unpleasant to do. The more that you do this, the more will power you will have. Then build on this by doing these things but that are a little more difficult. The more that you do these things the more will power you will have and the more confidence you will have in your ablity to choose your behavior according to what is best for you.
Some people have parents that create artificial "rock bottoms" for us by punishing us when we do things that that are harmful for us. They also help by increasing our rewards when we do things that are good for us. If that was not the case for you, don't blame your parents, blame the teachers and media that say that if we punish our children it will harm them psychologically.
I know these things from personal experience. The fact that you recognise the problem, want to change, and have the courage to ask this question; shows how mentally healthy you are.
Also, I have found that asking God to help me with this has been a big help. Remember that He loves us and that before He created the universe He had already decided to create you with your special talents and abilities because you are exactly the person the world needs to become perfect!
2006-06-27 17:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not a bad person. As you become more confident in yourself, you will change. You'll get tired of hurting yourself and making things harder than they have to be. You've already recognized that it's a problem in your life and that's a step toward changing and becoming the person you want to be. Don't be afraid to learn from OTHER people's mistakes. It will save you a lot of time and misery!
2006-06-27 22:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by rakuchild_shines 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not too late! Discuss this with your parents, you are still young enough to talk with them about how you feel. Then give them permission to give you advice and warn you when they see you going astray. Heed their advise and you will be fine. But, you must also give them permission to spank you if you don't listen and hit bottom again.
2006-06-27 22:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Admitting is the first step. You need to think before you act, it's really quite simple. It sounds to me like you don't trust other people's opinions, but you need to start trusting that what they say is true. There is no need for you to eat caviar to see if it's nasty just because your friend said it was nasty. Take his word for it - it's nasty.
2006-06-27 22:06:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change. You know you have to. Learn from your mistakes. Simple!
2006-06-27 22:26:06 · answer #5 · answered by Texas Cowboy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes ul always be a loser, especially as you try dictate people how to bring up there kids when your just a messed up kid yourself...bless!!!!!!
2006-06-30 09:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to...and listen to older people, they have been there, and done that.
2006-06-27 22:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋