Why do families play sides and head games?

Question

I was raised by my mother who passed 3 years ago. Sisters and dad say aweful thing and gang up on me with ignoring and such. I live with dad to care for him because he is terminally Ill. Sisters 1 visits daily, the other weekly.I am developing complexes and feeling bad feelings now. I am also made to feel as If I am living off of dad and at times questioned of my care for him.I am poor living here. I have huband and inlaws who are opposite of all this. I was called about a job too and really would like to go.How can I deal with all of this and live without feeling small ? Also what if he dies while Im at work, my sisters would be crueler. Help!

Answer 1

Ignore ur sisters as much as u can. Go, take the job, one of ur sisters will have to take care of ur dad til u return. If he dies while ur away, then he was meant to go, it's not like ur the only child. Ur married, and have a separate family to go to if u please, but u stayed to take care of ur dad, tell ur sisters this, stand up to them a bit. It might not do any good, but u'll feel a little better since they don't support u. If u had that job, u wouldn't feel poor, and u could help ur dad live a better life too, since ur sisters aren't doing much. The answer to ur question, I think they're unhappy, and misery loves company and they always love to pick on the weakling. In families, it's not good to be the nice one, it always pays to be the meanie.

Answer 2

Your sisters are the ones who should be taking the burden of care for him. They're the ones who grew up with him. Tell them that you have a family and a job. Since they aren't happy with the care their father is receiving, they can find someone else to do it or do it themselves. That you refuse to be treated in such a manner. Walk out while they are there and don't go back no matter how much they beg. Don't even talk to them on the phone or in person!

Answer 3

I don't know if this will help but i sort of have somewhat the same problem u see i'm the oldest of 6 siblings and i always get treated like the reject of the family since i was about 9yrs old i've worked away to help out my family but now i'm one-quarter old i need their help more than ever i have two kid and my trailer is in their property we had a small misunderstanding and they threw me and my kids into the street u see its not how much u help your parents out make it for your self because they will not always be there for you and you will also have a family someday think about the future and i don't mean2-4yrs do it for your self

Answer 4

Lean on your husband and his family for support. If you want the job take it, better your life...your dad would want you to be happy. Your sisters can take more responsibility for your dad, it shouldn't be just you. If your sisters are so mean to you, stop talking to them. They can only make you feel small if you let them.
It is hard to deal with the death of your parents, but you have to keep going, they would want you to.
Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds to me like your sisters are trying to make themselves feel better about not taking care of Dad by belittling you. They have their own guilt and insecurities to deal with. Do whatever you need to do for you, your husband, and your Dad without worrying about them. Just know that their need to belittle you says much more about them than it could ever say about you. Good Luck

Answer 6

Start looking at the life in different way. Read some spiritual and religious books, u really get cool your mind. Stop thinking about people who never care about you. Think about god, you will really get relief from the family stress. believe me.

Answer 7

Families live patterns of behavior over and over again with each generation. If you are to surrive the negative energy of your family you need to clearly know your own beliefs. Then if they say something that isn't true you can let go of being upset becasue you know your own truth and they can't have power over you because you are sure of yourself. Could there be a family meeting and discuss the care of dad? Maybe not.
Sounds like your family freely gives their opinion in rude and hurtful ways. You can make a choice to NOT pass this on to your kids. Time to break the family crazyness. You can only take care of you, You can't change your sisters. When they say something rude. Look at them and genuinely smile and say, "thanks for your input, but I have given this much consideration and this is what I am going to do........"
Don't fall in to the trap of arguing with them.
How about asking your dad's doctor if he thinks your dad needs 24 hour care. If he does and you need a job....then perhaps your sisters need to take turns on helping you take care of him. If not...you are free to choose to be with him- Just ignore your sisters negative energy. Don't play in to their hands of dysfunction. One thing I strongly believe in is to write things down. Make a list of why you need to stay there and take care of him and a list of why you shouldn't be there. Make copies of your list and hand it to your sisters and say......"this is why I am making the choice to take care of dad"
Maybe one reason is that he took care of his family for a long time and now it is time for him to be taken care of. He might not be around long and you want to honor him as a father.

Consider your sisters to be outspoken knowitalls. Don't let them take away your self confidence. Let what they say roll off your back. Tune them out. Afterall it sounds like they say the same thing over and over again. If your mind starts to believe them and you feel undreminded,,,,,,talk to yourself. say "I am strong" I won't let their words destroy me" I am capable of making my own decisions" and so on.
As humans we can't change other people, but we CAN change how we react to them.
I say God Bless you for taking care of your dad.