2006-06-27 13:59:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out
14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.
13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.
12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."
11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she
learns you're worth 45,000 points.
10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."
9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.
8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.
7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.
6) You can barely make out your S. L.'s face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.
5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.
4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.
3) She's suddenly changed her address to comingout@lesbian.com
2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious tubby@whitehouse.gov
1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.
2006-06-27 16:19:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
2006-06-27 22:09:07 · answer #2 · answered by tim b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and
drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be
landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could
just
put your trays up, that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and
rather
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines
but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man
can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said,
"In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no
one."
To which the flight attendant replied, with! out mis sing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank
you.
Tray-up, *****."
2006-06-27 21:28:36 · answer #3 · answered by phantom_phan_2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo momma is so fat, the police dog stopped her at the airport for having 10 pounds of crack
Yo momma so ugly your dad's breath smells like $hit because he would rather kiss her a$$
Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it
Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo momma so slutty that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO she thought she was getting it three times
Yo momma so nasty that her $hit is glad to escape.
Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
that is the second time I've use that one today
2006-06-28 01:06:08 · answer #4 · answered by pumpkin pie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Ongoing Note
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous ***** and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:
THE TENT POLE IS UP,
THE CANVAS IS SPREAD.
THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST,
COME BACK TO BED.
The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy.
It read:
TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN,
PUT THE CANVAS AWAY.
THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE,
NO CIRCUS TODAY.
So he sent another note down. It read:
THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP,
AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD.
SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
ND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD.
To which she replied:
I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'S
THE BEST IN THE LAND.
BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW,
SO DO IT BY HAND!!
2006-06-27 21:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A boy wanted to learn english, so he learnt the word 'take off' in the airport, 'zebra' in the zoo and 'baby' in the hospital. When he reach home his mother asked if he had learn anything new. The boy, too excited to speak, shouted out, 'Takeoffzebrababy!'
2006-06-27 21:25:42 · answer #6 · answered by Ben H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A PIRATE WALKED INTO A BAR WITH A SHIPS WHEEL ATTACHED TO HIS ZIPPER. THE BAR TENDER ASKS, WHAT IS THAT FOR? THE PIRATE REPLIED I'M NOT SURE BUT IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!
2006-06-27 21:52:44 · answer #7 · answered by David Y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whaddaya call a lady with her tongue stickin' out?
A lesbian w/ a hard on...
yey! 2 pts for me!
2006-06-27 21:30:26 · answer #8 · answered by amby pamby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chuck Norris donates blood with a gun and a bucket.
2006-06-27 21:16:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i only know clean and irregular jokes. sorry.
2006-06-27 21:05:03 · answer #10 · answered by scratchwhiplash 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋