For all you parents of girls help me out!?

Question

Ok my daughter and her friend had a fight and are no longer friends. My daughter is trying to talk to her friend and see what is going on because it has just gotten ridiculous. Its been two months and the other girl is spreading rumors to other friends and is trying to keep them away from my daughter. Now my daughter is 11 years old. Katelyn is pretty easy going and tries to ignore the stuff being said and just brush it off. I work at her school and see what is going on at recess since I am the playground aide, so I hear what goes on and see what goes on. My daughter has asked to talk to this girl and she has basically told her to leave her alone and not to talk to her again. Well today my daughter walked by the workroom where i was at and she was so upset and she was crying like I have not seen her cry like this for a good year and that was when her grandpa died. Ok so I'm wondering what I should do. I am trying to get the girls together to talk is this ok.

I have called and left a message for the other girls mom to call me back. I am hoping that maybe if we can get the girls together that they can talk this out w/o all the other girls there. I am at my wits end so I need some advice. I really don't like getting involved but it has just gone on for so long that it is affecting my daughter so bad she hates school and she used to like going and seeing her friends and hanging out.

This has been going on for 2 months and it is getting worse. I really don't like to meddle, I have taught my daughter that she needs to deal with her own battles and that i will be there for her, but i can't fix everything. But it has been going on like i said for 2 months and just getting worse.

Answer 1

well... try not to force your daughter to be friends with this girl anymore. friends come and go, especially when you are younger. the friends i've had when i was her age, they don't even remember who i am anymore.

i think one thing you can do is speak to the girl's mother about the girl spreading rumors about your daughter and this has caused her some emotional distress. it is important that the mother reprimands her daughter for that. i am hoping she's not one of those shallow mothers who will stand by her daughter, even though she is wrong.

in the meantime, encourage your daughter to make friends and try to prove to people that whatever gossips the other girl has told about her is not true.

this has happened to me when i was young too and i was very sensitive. friends have always made me cry, and would tell other kids not to talk to me. i eventually made new friends, forget all about the past and moved on.

hopefully this works for your daughter.

Answer 2

I would tell my daughter that I understand the hurt she is feeling but not to let herself worth be measured by her friends reaction to the argument or whatever caused the riffed if she apologizes for her part whether big or small that is all she can do that the rest of the responsibility belongs on the other girl if she is not willing to accept her apology then she really wasn't the person your daughter thought she was and maybe she needs to just hang with some other friends with out saying anything negative about the other girl though understand at this age it is going to be hard to do. Tell your daughter that you have confidence in her to move on and find some better friends this other girl may change her feelings and come around if she is seeing that her actions are not getting the reaction from your daughter that she has gotten I would not get to involved with it as a parent but offer comfort to her as often as I could I had a similar experience when my oldest daughter was young it past after a while but there is genuine hurt to begin with and just boosting her up and letting her know that she is valued for who she is helped but I think all children go through something like this when they are young and it helps teach them how to see the differences in friendships( loving,casual, etc)

Answer 3

OK. All kids are fickle but especially girls. When I was about your daughter's age, I got thrown out of my clique, basically because I wouldn't just go along with every stupid thing they did. They told everyone I didn't bathe, etc. Well it got so bad that I couldn't even go into the lunchroom w/out getting teased. Does your daughter have any other friends that maybe she could hang out with that are not part of this group? I did. Her name is Meg and we've been friends since I was 10 (I'm now 35). She and I ate lunch together everyday until it all blew over. She's been my best friend EVER since. I would try to stay out of it, because you might be able to fix it now, but she needs to go through this to learn that THEY are the crazy ones, not her. You can't fix this for her, you can only pick up the pieces. She will be OK, and she may discover a new friend that becomes a friend for LIFE

Answer 4

KIDS are horrible sometimes to each other. Kids don't have adult developed emotions like sympathy. This other kid seems kinda like a bully. You can't MAKE her talk to your daughter when she has already told your daughter not to talk to her anymore. IN GENERAL unless something very NASTY IS GOING ON kids get over and settle this stuff on their own. When a mom or dad gets involved the whole things CAN get a lot worse. The parents fighting between each other exc. EVERY parents wants to protect their kid and has a hard time accepting there kid is totally out of line. Kids also lie this kid will tell her parents bad things you kid dose it goes on and on and on. The school counselor may be a better middle ground. I know its bad for your daughters self esteem. Maybe talk to the principle and have the counselor get the kids together. It sucks it hurts and sometimes kids are damaged by these school yard rumors IT is also a sad fact of being a kid and a part of growing up. Tell your daughter how important she is do things to boost how she feels bout her self that may soften the blows of hard words from this kid. I have a 10 year old disable son with speach problems I KNOW how if feels to watch kids hurt your kids feelings. Sometimes you wanna scream what is wrong with you @ the kids "you can't". I have met parents who are just as rude as there offspring. I just try to make my SON a good person I can't change other peoples nasty words. I have always told him if he is hit or pushed YOU DO IT BACK. As soon as kids KNOWs they have the upper hand they abuse that. Your child must be told to protect her self "even when it's against school rules". In grade 2 a kid always poked my son with a pencile when the teacher was not around my son poked im back one day THAT WAS THE LAST OF THAT!.

Answer 5

well I'm not a parent but I think talking to the other girl parents is a good ideal. Its a great ideal to help your daughter out because if this is not solve it could lead to major problems that will really affect her. At the age of 11 is should be fine to talk to the other girls. Being at that age you should have that much problems like if it was a 15 year old. Your daughter doesn't have to be friends with that girl but they don't have to be enemy's and can be nice to each other. Tell your daughter everything will be alright it will make her feel better and that some one cares. good luck

Answer 6

I wouldn't get them to talk. That seems a bit forcefull. You and your daughter have no control over that girl or what she has done. What is done is done. Obviously this other girl doesn't want to be friends with your daughter and is being immature by spreading rumors. You just have to work on getting your daughter strong emotionally and encourage her to focus on other things. Have her invite some girls over that are her friends and have a movie night. She needs to surround herself with people who care. Tell her to completely ignore this girl and to not show any sad face around her. If this girl causes trouble and harasses her then you would need to talk to the principal or her parents. She doesn't need to know the reason this girl ended it. It won't make matters any better. It is great that you are keeping the communication open with her, she needs to fight this battle on her own. You don't want her to be married with children and phoning you every second trying to solve her life problems. It can seem like the end of the world for this age when it comes to friends but it is life and she needs to take care of herself. If she is a sweet girl with lots of love to give then others will want to be with her. good luck.

Answer 7

My daughter is 10 soon to be 11 and has alot of problems with kids her age. She had an issue with a little girl similiar and while we tried to stay out of it eventually we had to finally tell our daughter to not talk to the other little girl. The other girl lives next door and it was hard but it got to stressfull for my daughter, so bad that her grades were dropping. I would say that try to stay out of it but if it gets so bad that she is having an issue at school you may have to involve the principle.

Answer 8

I'am the Mother of 3 Daughters and 5 Grandaughters.........Help your little girl out by talking to the other Mom and trying to work this out....Alot of people say to stay out of it, But your little girl is hurting and don't know how to fix it, Thats when a mom has to step in and see what she can do....Once the girls are talking and friends again, everything will be fine......Down deep, they probaly miss being friends........Good Luck.....I know what your going through....

Answer 9

I honestly think that you should do nothing unless you're concerned for your daughter's safety. I don't think you should be so involved in the she said she said aspects of your daughters friendships. Your her mother not her friend. So support her when she's crying and give her the best advice you can when she asks for it. They need to learn how to work out their own problems within reason.

Answer 10

hello, i am 17 and no mother of a daughter or any children,
but when i was 12 going to school (it was a private, Christian School) i used to have some friends that spread rumors about me and like your daughter, i was able to brush them off for awhile until the rumors started to get nasty. i never could stand to go to school when i had friends, but when i had no friends to lean on when i was upset, i hated going to school. my mom contacted the school, tried to contact the rumor spreaders' parents, but in the end my parents took both my sister and me out of school and started a homeschooling program for us. it has been 5 years since then, i have some great friends, and i'll never go back until college. not saying you should take her out of school since she loved it so much, but it is a path that you can take.

*dragonashes~serpentwolf*