We are having a small wedding here in California(100 people), and my mom doesn't want to split the guest list 50/50. She says since most of his family is back east, and she and my dad are paying for the wedding, she should get 1/3 of the list, me 1/3, and my fiance 1/3. Is this correct? I don't want to hurt my fiance's feelings, or his familys'!
2006-06-27 12:52:26 · 13 answers · asked by lazydazy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I never think it's fair for the parents who are paying for the wedding to hold that fact over the couple's head. It's your wedding, not your parents'. Whether they pay for it or not is irrelevant. Unfortunately, it gives parents an excuse to do whatever they please when it comes to planning the wedding.
My suggestion would be to not say anything to your fiancee, or his family, and to allow them what you original planned as 50% of the guest list. Chances are, only a third of his family will make it anyway, so it won't sway the numbers in the end. Let your mother have her third and if it ends up being 110 people instead of 100, your parents are paying for it, not you. Remember, this wouldn't be an issue if your mother didn't use the "we're paying for it" card - so, don't feel guilty if they have to pay a little extra.
Best wishes! and good luck!
2006-06-27 13:09:05 · answer #1 · answered by coco 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No, that's not correct. I don't understand how your mom would get 1/3 of the list and you get 1/3... don't you and your mom have the same family? Would she be inviting people you don't want there? And why doesn't your husband's family get anything?
Look, a lot of the family that lives far away probably won't come, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a courtesy to invite them. Instead of choosing arbitrary numbers, why don't you all just write a list of who you really want to invite, and see how it breaks down. Then you can all work together, rather than making it a "mine, mine" situation.
Paying for the wedding doesn't mean she owns it. The family who pays for the wedding is supposed to do so as a gift, from generosity to the couple. She's giving you a wedding, not buying it from you.
2006-06-27 21:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by smurfette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, the saying "He who pays says" is kind of true. Your Mom really shouldn't be paying for the wedding with a condition that she gets to invite 1/3 of the guests. That part is unfair, but with the "gift" of paying for the wedding comes a certain expectation that they will be able to have their say. My husband's wealthy parents paid for our wedding and that meant that they invited a LOT of people that I wouldn't have invited, but they were paying, so hey if they wanted to pay for their meals and drinks they were welcome to and I had to live with it. My Mom doesn't have much money so she contributed a tiny amount to the wedding and I didn't tell her how much money my husbands parents contributed as I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I thanked everyone equally for their help. I think 1/3 of the guest list is a bit much, so you might need to cut down her list or ask her to pay for the extra people?! Good luck!
2006-06-27 13:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember even if your parents are paying for the wedding it is still your wedding. Don't let someone else run your wedding because remember its your wedding and its your fiance's wedding. You can take everyone's advice but remember it is your special day and you will only have one. Good luck and dont go over board because no matter how many times you plan for the wedding something always go wrong and remember go with the punches on your day but remember not to forget your fiance because it is his special day too.
2006-06-27 13:41:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm...it's YOUR wedding, and by default, YOU should have the right to invite whomever you choose. If it were HER wedding, I sincerely doubt she'd stand for you telling her who to invite!!!
Your mother sounds like she's in the typical throes of the marriage-matron, and I would put a stop to it as soon as possible (if I were you), or you may as well just let her dress in your gown and walk down the aisle in your stead...because it will end up being her wedding. This is only the beginning, trust me!!!
Frankly, if she throws the money thing in your face, I would tell her to stuff her cash. Her implied threat is akin to coercion or blackmail - neither of which is cool.
You can do a nice wedding for that small of a party with very little resources... you just have to be willing to shop around and do a LOT of the work yourself.
2006-06-27 12:59:08 · answer #5 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's so funny to me the way moms seem to think they get to invited guests to your wedding. your mother is not the only one, but it's funny to me. if they're not family or your friends why invite them? I would tell your mother that you and the finance will make a list together. You will include family (which should be her concern) and if that comes out to be more than 100 try to narrow it down afterwards. But I do not beleive it to be right to leave his family out, so she can invite her friends. It's your wedding, she had hers.
2006-06-28 02:47:52 · answer #6 · answered by rdnkchic2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
mama's gonna start a war if you don't hit the breaks. The list should be 50/50. She doesn't know that his family won't come out to your wedding out west. That's some nerve.
if your MIL-to-be anticipates their side won't fill the aisle, then she may offer some seats your way. if she does great, if she doesn't oh well. Don't start your married life with your families angry at each other bec your mom is out of line.
2006-06-27 14:57:01 · answer #7 · answered by rainyday 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is not correct, your parents should have some say as they are paying, but that does not entitle her to a third of your guest list. In the end it is your and your fiance's day and your guest list.
2006-06-27 14:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by raynelley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've never heard of splitting the guest list like that........it's YOUR wedding, regardless if they are paying or not......YOU need to invite the people that are important to you. There's no reason all of your parent's friends need to be there if you're not even close to them.
2006-06-27 13:49:11 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey this is your wedding and why should your mom get 1/3 of the wedding list you need to stand up to your mom and tell her you and your husband will decide who will come to your wedding and i'm sure his family will want to be there besides it's your wedding and you dont just get married every day so tell your mom to go get bent
JusT kEepIN iT reAL
2006-06-27 13:59:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋