what are your best jokes?

Question

im a fourteen year old girl so don't freak me out or gross me out. please. lol

Answer 1

Bill Clinton: I did not have any sexual relations with that woman!

Answer 2

9 Things I Hate About Stupid People

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours?
Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a_s_s to search the entire room for the T.V. remote.
Because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this?
Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their a_s_s_e_s!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?".
No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short".
What the hell??
Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!
What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Answer 3

Hello.. I saw these in a newspaper recently.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson, the famous detective duo, were out camping at night. Holmes woke Watson and said :

“Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.”

Watson says, “I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.”

Holmes replies: “Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!”


And this one..

Two hunters are out in the woods in New Jersey when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator says: 'Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says 'OK, now what?'

Answer 4

adam and eve were in a field and the lord says" I have two things left to give you one is peeing standing up and adam is raising a big stink about it he says"me me me i want it pleeeeeaaassee gimme gimme gimme" so the lord says to eve I guess you get the last thing looks like your stuck with intellegents.

Answer 5

check it out http://www.thejokeyard.com/

Answer 6

Yo ugly FACE!HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!