I'm 25 years old and still a virgin. I haven't ever done all that much with the guys I've been with, for some reason I really freak out anytime they try to go below the waist. I've no idea why.
I masturbate regularly and use vibrators and I feel like I want to have sex - I spent the night with a guy recently, we went to bed together, both naked and I wanted to have sex with him, but whenever he started touching me down there I got really scared and asked him to stop.
A few guys have tried to touch me down there, and it's weird - I WANT them to, but then when they do I freak out and usually end up getting really upset about it.
What can I do to get over it? Because it's really frustrating me now! I do have some anxiety problems and I see a psychiatrist but I'm too embarrassed to talk to her about this. Is this normal or should I try to talk to her about it?
2006-06-27 12:46:07 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Other - Health
When I was with the guy, we kissed and I was quite happy for him to touch and kiss my breasts. I was really turned on, really aroused and wet down there, but as soon as he touched me down there I got really scared and upset. He was really sweet about it, but other guys haven't been good about it at all.
And no, I was never sexually abused as a child.
2006-06-27 13:03:33 · update #1
I'm straight, I'm attracted to men and I get turned on by kissing guys or having them touch and kiss my breasts, it's only when they try to touch me down there that I seem to have a problem.
2006-06-27 13:09:54 · update #2
you may have some issues about your body and feeling normal or your sex education experiences may have frightened you. you are not alone with this problem but yes you must talk to your psychiatrist. if you hold stuff back the treatment won't work. this suggests your problem is one of trust and you can be helped. you write very explicitly about sex but the reality may not live up to the fantasy.
2006-06-27 23:27:04 · answer #1 · answered by minerva 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Was you brought in a strict religious upbringing? Maybe this might have something to do with it. It is important that you talk through all you anxieties with your doctor otherwise you will never find the root of ur problem n so overcome it.
It is also very important that you are ONE HUNDRED PER CENT aroused when beginning to have sex. In the meantime don't put so much emphasis on ''losing ur virginity'', instead explore urself sexually with ur boyfriend fingering you instead, take your time, don't rush, spend hours on forplay and make sure you feel relaxed with ur boyfriend as ur anxieties is probably why u ''clamp'' up, making it near impossible to have sex, instead why not speak to a sex therapist instead to help you realise what it is you are afraid of. Good luck!
2006-06-27 20:18:19 · answer #2 · answered by ♀ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it may be that you want to only have sex with a certain guy. You haven't found him yet and you are not satisfied with just anyone. I'm not saying you want someone perfect, I think you have characteristics of a guy that you would love to meet, but you haven't found him, yet. Save yourself for the one that you really want. You will know when you meet him. You will really connect. Here is one hint on how you know if it is the right one for you. If you can talk to the guy about anything and still have a great conversation.
I have met women that I couldn't even talk to, or I had to try so hard to think of a good topic just to talk about. Then I have met other women that were so easy to talk to. I could of had a conversation about a rock with her and still entertained her.
I don't know how relationships work, but watch closely how you communicate with the other person. If it is difficult to talk to the other person about anything, then that person is the right person for you. If they will talk to you about anything and really enjoy it, you might want to hang on to that person, because from what I have learnt, that is compatibility. When you have compatibility, you have a long-lasting relationship.
2006-06-27 19:53:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a SMART girl to me. Can you wait until you are married? Study VIRTUE and try to find confidence in the fact that you are a rare creature: a precious find: a virtuous woman! Also, there's got to be a guy out there who is willing to become INTIMATE but not overly sexual with you. Just be alert and aware and make a list of what you want in your perfect mate and he will come into your life. Good for you, honey. I think your fear and upset are a blessing in disguise. Peace.
2006-06-27 19:53:58 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just an opinion but that's all these answers are right?
i think because your telling yourself that your scared and no one can touch you, you tense yourself up so much you make it stop. before a guy thinks of touching you down there, in your mind you've already stopped him, am i right?
instead of thinking i cant I'm scared. think i can i will.
most of all don't just do it with any one.
your virginity is precious, lose it to some one you love and loves you.
sex is important in a relationship, its what holds a couple together.
if you're truly in love it will be like super glue, if your not you'll feel used he won't want to see you again because you only have paper glue.
hope that makes sense for you.
2006-06-27 20:16:51 · answer #5 · answered by tuppassister 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I'm sorry if you're too scared to talk to a psychiatrist about this, but you're going to have to! See a doctor and tell her/him what is going on. It could be a medical condition, they could help you! Also, talk to your psychiatrist about this, because it could obviously be a mental condition. Have you ever been abused as a child? These are issues you need to bring up with a doctor. After that, things will get better :-)
2006-06-27 19:53:01 · answer #6 · answered by xxtra chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first guy I dated I totally freaked out with, I wouldn't even let him go near me other than kissing. (I was 21)
The second guy I did more with, though while I did find him very sexy, and a turn on, I was semi-afraid of him as he was a very mischievous guy and not trustworthy. We did foreplay but no sex, and if I told him to stop, sometimes he wouldn't, which didn't help trust-wise!
He wasn't the guy for me!
Don't panic - there are guys out there, and when the right one comes along you will know.
2006-06-27 20:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by badgerbadger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple answer is yes .you may have Been told when you were younger that it was wrong to b touched down their as you say or something upset you to make you feel that way so i suggest you talk it out to free yourself of this problem .masturbating and actual sex are two different things a vibrator is controlled by you ,you are afraid to let someone else take control of the situation.
2006-06-27 19:53:14 · answer #8 · answered by leonard24seven 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not normal and I feel for you, but in a way you're lucky, Because when you finally get to be intimate with someone(and you will) It will be with someone who's cared enough about you to be patient with you, and you will know you've just had sex with someone who truly likes you and not just someone who wants to get in your pants.
The other thing that's crossed my mind is that if you freak out so much when men try to touch you down there then maybe it's not men you're interested in....just a thought.
2006-06-27 20:05:25 · answer #9 · answered by tom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may sound cliche, but I suspect you were sexually abused as a child...
I suggest telling your therapist what you're dealing with so that he/she can help you work through it gradually...
In the meantime, maybe try explaining the problem to a guy that you really love and trust, and see if he will let you control the pace... It might help if you're the one in control...
...Best of luck to you; I hope everything works out...
2006-06-27 19:52:53 · answer #10 · answered by Joka 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋