how can i deal with her?

Question

Today i ate lunch with my fiancee's mother. She brought up how i had leukemia when i was in high school. I told her it went into remission. However, there is always a chance that I could relapse. She basically told me that she doesnt want a sick daughter in law. How can i deal with her? My fiancee took my side. He is in medical school, and next year he will start his residency. He told her that he will marry me no matter what. But how do i deal with my future mother in law?

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do about what you had in high school, and there's nothing she can do either.... just be your self and go with the flow, wish you luck hunn!!!!!!

Answer 2

Curious concern I could understand - being confrontational or ugly I wouldn't do. Once a young person becomes an adult they should be afforded the right to make their own decisions. Parents should have confidence in the way they raised their children such that they don't have to question but can respect the decisions they make whether they would be right for the parents or not. Offering advice is okay but should be tempered to avoid crossing the line toward passing judgment. Give it time - maybe once your fiancee's mother has had more time to get to know you for who you are rather than what you had, she too will say that she couldn't imagine anyone better for a daughter-in-law. My prayer is that the mother gets smart. As a mother you can bet I'd put my best foot forward rather than for one second jeopardize my relationship with my son by placing a strain in it because of my attitude toward the woman he choose to marry.

Answer 3

The future is uncertain. She might fall down tomorrow, break her hip and have a blood clot travel to her lungs and die.

What a selfish old hag!! To have the nerve to say something as cruel as that.

If you know your man will stay by your side no matter what - screw her. You aren't marrying her. She wouldn't have a hand in caring for you if you did relapse. Plus, you may never relapse.

Why miss out on an opportunity to be happy, just because of her.

Wow, a man that can stand up to his mommy is RARE!!!

The best way to deal with her, I guess, is avoid her. She isn't your mother. If you have to move across the country to get away from her then do it. Otheriwse, she will stick her nose into everything you do.

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Ask your fiance to take information on leukemia and remission to his mother for her to read. Then maybe you can have a family meeting with your fiance, his mother and/ father. Hopefully she has had time to read all the "FACTS" about your illness. At this family meeting you can discuss how you dearly love her son and that the two of you would feel better if you had her blessings. You can discuss your illness and answer any questions she may have. You can also clear up any misguided judgements at that time as well. The ultimate goal is gaining her trust, her blessings, and maybe a new friend.
If she resists any idea of reading about your illness, a family meeting, then you must allow her her feelings and move on with your life with your fiance. Maybe one day she will see you for the loving person you are and not the illness you have. She will either dislike you the rest of your life or grow and learn to love the person you really are.

Good Luck!!!!
God Bless!!!!

Answer 5

I think you should always speak to her as if you were speaking to your own mother. There's no excuse for her rudeness towards you, but keep in mind that it is his mother. You shouldn't complain about her to him, call a girlfriend. If he already told her that he is marrying you no matter what, that should be the end of the discussion. I think this is a matter between him and his mother. Don't stress yourself over something you can't change. She sounds like a battle-axe, and wouldn't listen to you anyhow. Chin up, everyone has mom in law issues. Don't let it cause tension between you and the love of your life.

Answer 6

It will be hard but follow your fiancee's lead.You can have a happy marriage without getting along with your mother in law but it will take wok.

Answer 7

Anyone can get a disease like this anytime. Or mabey a car accident, or, etc... That's why marriage vows say for better or worse, in sickness or in health... Remember he is marrying you, not her. He should tell her that if she doesn't get her head out of her @$$ it will only come between him and her, not him and you.

Answer 8

Mothers try to find any reason to dislike their son's better half. If it wasn't this it would be something. Just take your time and try not to let it get to you. Either she will come around or she wont, but you shouldn't change because of her. Just be your self.

Answer 9

Hopefully she will realize how cruel she is. There is nothing you can really say but hopefully she will listen to your fiancee seeing as he is going to be a doctor. You should really have him talk to her because she is more likely to listen to somebody who has studied medicine as well as her own son who should convince her to deal with it because he loves you.

Answer 10

Well...if that is what she told you then something tells me that you aren't going to do anything the whole time you're married to this man to please her. Smile as much as you can around her...it'll drive her nuts!