10 points for the funniest joke?

Question

My husband and I love to laugh. Our senses of humor range from the most absurd to the downright nasty. Give me what you got.

You guys have some hilarious jokes, lol.

Answer 1

Sex After 50 Years, In The Same Place

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

Okay, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old times sake?"

She says, "Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself.
He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.
As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.

Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing. I've got to ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must have had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Answer 2

What did Clay Aiken sing to Ruben Studdard?

I am skinny, I am smart
You are fat, You sweat a lot
I am white, I am from North Carolina
You are black, you're from Alabama
I am famous, and I'm really attractive
You are famous, but you have a big family
So that means I am better than you
Even though you won American Idol, and more older than meeeeeeee.

Answer 3

There was this colonel in the Army. He called his secretary into his office to take dictation. All of a sudden she hung her head down and covered her eyes and said "Sir, your barracks door is down." He said, "What?" She said "Your barracks door is down". He said "What are you talking about?" She said "Never mind, I will be in my office." She left out of the room and went into her office. All of a sudden the colonel looked down and seen that his zipper was unzipped. He zipped it up and went into her office and said, "I sort of get the feeling that you were uncomfotable with that?" She said "well yeah, sir, I was." He said "Did you see that soldier standing at attention?" She said "No, but I sure seen that crippled war veteran sitting on two sand bags!"

Hope like that one.

Answer 4

Jesus was hanging on the cross and he began to shout Peter! Peter!. Peter fought past the guards and almost reached the top before being caught having his leg broken and thrown back down the hill. Again Jesus called out Peter! Peter! peter limped past the guards, nearly reached the top and again was caught by guards and his other leg was broken. at last he made it up to jesus. jesus looked down on him and said Peter. I can se your house from here.

Answer 5

what do you call a 300lb lesbian-------------a bushhog, ha ha