Best Joke Gets ten points!!!?

Question

What I said in the question.

Answer 1

Best Jokes
Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.

When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life.

Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.

The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.

Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend.

Then the lawyer approached the coffin ..... wrote out a check for $15,000 ... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

Answer 2

14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out


14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.

13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.

12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."

11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she
learns you're worth 45,000 points.

10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."

9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.

8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.

7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.

6) You can barely make out your S. L.'s face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.

5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.

4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.

3) She's suddenly changed her address to [e-mail]

2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious [e-mail]

1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.

Answer 3

i have a bunch pick one

This is the fairy tale we should have been reading as little girls!
>>>>> Once upon a time,
>>>>>
>>>>> In a land far away,
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> A beautiful, independent,
>>>>>
>>>>> Self-assured princess
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Happened upon a frog as she sat,

>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Contemplating ecological issues

>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> On the shores of an unpolluted pond

>>>>>
>>>>> In a verdant meadow near her castle.
>>>>>


>>>>> The frog hopped into the princess' lap
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And said: Elegant Lady,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> I was once a handsome prince,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> One kiss from you, however,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And I will turn back
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Into the dapper, young prince that I am
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And then, my sweet, we can marry
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And set up housekeeping in your castle
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> With my mother,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Where you can prepare my meals,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Clean my clothes bear my children,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And forever
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Feel grateful and happy doing so.



>>>>> That night,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> As the princess dined sumptuously
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> On lightly sautéed frog legs
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> Seasoned in a white wine
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> And onion cream sauce,
>>>>>
>>>>> ~~~~~~~~
>>>>>
>>>>> She chuckled and thought to herself:

>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> I don't f.........ing think so.
>>>>>


>A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
>nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope
>propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed "Dad"
>
>With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter
>with trembling hands:
>
>
>
>
>
>Dear Dad,
>
>It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to
>elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom
>and
you.
>
>I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even
>with all her piercing, tattoos and her tight motorcycle clothes.
>
>But it's not only the passion, Dad - she's pregnant and Barbara assures
>me that we will be very happy.
>
>Even though you don't care for her since she is so much older than I
>am, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
>enough for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with
>me and that's now one of my dreams too.
>
>Barbara taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll
>be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the
>cocaine and ecstasy we need.
>
>In the mean time, we pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
>that Barbara can get better. She deserves it!!
>
>Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
>myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
>your grandchildren.
>
>Your Son, John
>
>P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at Billy's house. I just
>wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report
>card, which is in my desk center drawer.
>
>I LOVE YOU!
>
>P. S. S. Call when it's safe to come home.

Revenge Is Sweet

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's ars.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!" yo momma so fat she brung a spoon to the super bowl




Yo momma is so old she was a waitress at the last supper




Yo mama so fat that she cries everytime her kids through some leftover food away




knock knock
who's there ?
cows go.
cows go who?

cows don't go who they go moo!



yo momma so fat when she run she makes the cd at the radio station skip
yo momma so fat she on both sides of the family
yo momma so stupid she got stab in a shootout
yo momma so dirty she has to sneak up on bath water
yo momma so stupid she bought a solar powered flashlight
sticks an stones may break my bones
yo momma sure would if she climb on top
yo momma so stupid she was supoosed to ride the 44 but she rode the 22 twice


you mama's so fat that when she went to kfc the guy said what sized bucket do you want and she said the one on the roof.





ummmm.............. i dont have a joke but a funny thingy mabobber maybe :) so i was on the bus the other day and i tripped on someones foot and went flying. i landed face first in someones spam sandwhich ( i hate everything about spam). i puked all over the person in front of me while i waz getting up. if thats not funny then i probly just have a crude sense of humor.





your momma so fat when she sitted on the porch
when the kids did a drive -by she screamed dammmm!
you'll quite throwing those rocks.

your momma so fat
when she stood of the curb of the street a cop stop an
said get that Fat Piece OF ****! off the STREET"S

your momma so poor she used a garbage truck for a shopping list.

your momma so ugly when she tryed to climb the tree.
she got whipped by a ugly stick.





ok so there were 3 guys in a hot air balloon. one american, one japenese, and one chinese. the chinese guy had a gun, the american had a knife, and the japenese had a bomb. the chinese guy dropped his gun, the american dropped his knife, and the japenese dropped his bomb. they went down 2 c wat happened and the chinese guy saw a little boy crying and asked wat was wrong. the little boy said a gun fell and shot my mommy. he said ohh im sooo sry. then the american guy saw a little girl crying and asked wats wrong. she said that a knife fell and stabbed her daddy. he said ohh im sry. then the japenese guy saw a gay laughing histerically. he asked y r u laughing? the other guuy said "I farted and my house blew up!"

haha!!
pick me as best answer!! plez

Answer 4

Guy walks into a convenient store and picks up a pint of Hagen-Daas, some beef jerky, and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue and heads to the counter to pay.

The cashier looks at him and says, "Single huh?"

He says, "You can tell I am single just by what I've bought?"

She says, "No, because you are ugly."

Answer 5

One day Jimmy came home from school to find his mother in bed with a strange man. He was so scared that he went and hid in the closet. A few minutes later, his father came home so his mom hid the man in the closet with him. Jimmy was afraid because it was so dark so he said, "Boy, it's dark in here." The man told him to shut up. "Boy it's dark in here," the boy said again. "Shut up, kid," replied the man. After three more "Boy it's dark in here"s the man left and jumped out the window to escape. Jimmy later told his mom what he had done so she made him go to confessional to ask forgiveness for his sins. When he went into the confessional he said, "Boy it's dark in here." The voice on the other side said, "Now, don't you start that again."

Answer 6

Yo momma so ugly your dad's breath smells like $hit because he would rather kiss her a$$
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters
Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it
Yo momma so nasty that her $hit is glad to escape.

Answer 7

there was a boy playing with his deek and a girl asked him if she could play with it and he said "you done went and bit your's off"

Answer 8

Bill Clinton: I did not have any sexual relations with that woman!

Answer 9

heres some:
What did the horse say when it fell?
"I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"
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What did the mommy train say to the baby train during dinner?
chew chew!
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What drink do wrestlers like?
fruit punch
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