My 16yr old thinks she's rdy to date & have sex. I talk to my girls constantly & tell them what the bible says @ premarital sex & encourage them to remain abstanate until marriage.My 16yr throws my past in my face. Momma you lost your virginity @14yr & wz pregnant. She got this info frm my older cuz who didn't know facts. C I was raped & got pregnant & lost the baby due 2 stress. I never told my kids @ it not knowing how or if I should yet.I wasn't saved bk then. I had my 1st @17yr. I told her I missed out on a lot & she has a good future if she doen't make the same mistakes I did.She wish that I would stop being soo strick & over protective & let her learn from her own mistakes.How do I to tell her not to do something I did myself she said? Do I tell her the whole truth now @ what happened. I'm not comfortable talkin @ it still. I wish I cld just put a chasity belt on her! What can I tell her to convence her that she's not ready w/o sounding over protective& hypocritical 2 her. Help!
2006-06-27 11:13:35 · 12 answers · asked by JUANITA@DC 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
You are absolutely correct to use your past mistakes as tools to teach your children. Of course, you don't want them to feel as if they were "mistakes", but the fact that you were so young was. I don't think sharing about being raped is relevant to getting her to understand the responsibility of having sex and the potential results.
Work on it in stages. Right now the main issue is that she is young. Apparently she doesn't share your religious based reasons. Her inability to understand attests to her immaturity. She has no business being a mother at 16 and sexual activity easily leaves the door open to that possibility.
It's not being hypocritical when referring to the past. Also, you are an adult and she is a minor. Whether she likes it or not, that is a valid difference to sexual activity. Still, how you live today is an influence on your kids. If you claim sex without marriage is wrong, you need to live by that, otherwise, that is hypocritical.
There are many lessons she will learn by mistakes at her age. Sexually related ones should not be one of them.
2006-06-27 11:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by Dale P 6 · 10⤊ 4⤋
Questions for your teenager.
1. Does your future baby deserve the best chance for a happy life?
2. Does your baby deserve two parents to care for it, not just one?
3. What is the best way to get that?
The answer is to get married before having sex.
4. I had sex when I was your age, and now that I'm older, I think it's a bad idea. Why would I think that way?
5. How will having sex improve your life? It's a good feeling, but will it make you a better person, smarter, prettier, better able to get a job?
You also have to be open about your story. You screwed up, had a baby too soon. That hurt your daughter. She didn't have as much money, as good of care, as much love as if you had "done it right" and given her a stable married home before she was born.
In addition, sex causes feelings of closeness and attachment, even if there isn't a reason. She hears people say that their boyfriends treat them bad, but "They are soooo cute!" or "We're in love!" That's the false feelings taking over. People that treat each other bad aren't in love.
2006-06-27 12:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by Polymath 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers are like that.
Dating at 16 is normal, but having sex shouldn't be. Sex is something she's not ready for the consequences for (as proven by her actions).
Remind her that if she gets pregnant, or catches something awful, it could making achieving whatever life's dreams she has an impossibility. If you can't get through to her, find someone who can, another family member, a pastor, or a teacher.
Threats wont' work they only drive teens further away, and so does yelling. Just be honest and loving. In the end, it is her life to lead, and her mistakes to make. She is the one who will have to live with her decisions.
2006-06-27 11:27:21 · answer #3 · answered by Spooky - Gender Anarchist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you are at all wrong for wanting better for your children. I believe that HE wants every generation to do better than the one before it. It is true. A child should want to do better than his or her parents have done and not feel bad about it but feel proud about it. This philosophy applies to all things far and wide from sex, to education, to career choices, to lifestyle, to their own house or car, to dreams, to aspirations, and to fulfilling them whole-heartedly.
I lost my viginity and it was not worth it at all. Looking back I wish I would have waited but at that age, your daughter's age now, I was curiuos and there was a peer pressure there because people my age were doing it or talking about sexual things. Its like the popular in crowd, its over-rated and once you see that it is too late, so better to not test the waters and know that parents do know best because hello they HAVE been there and done that. Parents act as error-proof filters because they are trying to prevent their kids from making the same wrong choices they made and also help them make the right ones. It is the best measure a child could have...a good parent. Keep trying and don't give up. Good Luck.
2006-06-27 11:26:32 · answer #4 · answered by Pathfinder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing for you to do is 'fess up to your daughter and TELL HER THE WHOLE TRUTH NOW since the occasion begs for it. It's better that she gets your complete story straight from 'the horse's mouth' [YOU] rather than second- or third-hand from other people.
LISTEN to what your daughter is saying to you. Then have a heart-to-heart chat and tell her that you don't want her to make the same mistake[s] that you did at her age since you didn't know any better and no one was there to have a chat with you then...
I hope it all works out for the better for you and your girls.
Peace be with you!
2006-06-27 11:33:05 · answer #5 · answered by Arf Bee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first off you can't stop them from doing what they will. The best you can do is treat her like a friend at that age. Its tough. And she should know the truth about your past, might make her think twice. To try and push the bible stuff on them at this day and age is really, well I don't think it'd be worth it to put it nicely. You just have to trust her judgment and educate her. If you have trust and faith in her, things will be fine. Treating her like a sinner will not solve anything, just make her feel worse about herself. Be her friend, make sure she knows she can trust you, thats the best you can do.
2006-06-27 11:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you have become alot more than you were when you started out. I know it's been a hard road for you. I know you want something better for your daughter. You sound like you are doing it right hang in there you are doing God's work.. Have you come to Jesus yourself? I think it would not just be good for you but also for your daughter to see how you have changed. That and you need Jesus and His sacrifice as much as the rest of us sinners..
2006-06-27 11:24:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you got to fight for your daugter!
Later on she's going to thank you for being protective over her. I think it would be good for you to tell her about what happened. I think if you tell her, it would help the both of you. The first step of getting over something is to talk about it, don't feel ashamed! It wasn't your fault. You need to be a good example for her now...the past is dead...move forward and fight for your daugter!!!
2006-06-27 11:38:17 · answer #8 · answered by Margarita F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her the truth... and show her the scriptures about sex in the Bible...
2006-06-27 11:18:53 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't back down! she is just being a typical teenager and testing her limits! be a good mom and do what you are doing.
tell her the realy story about the pregnancy. she is testing you don't back down.
2006-06-27 11:17:24 · answer #10 · answered by blue_eyed_woman_23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋