Mass thank you's???

Question

I attended a wedding for my daughter's best friend (who is a man) in August. Today I received a thank you printed out and copied. The note said that he did not believe in real thank you cards as they are commercial. Then he went on to say that if you gave money, thank you as it helped with their honeymoon, and if you gave a gift, thank you as we have found a place for it in our beautiful new home, and it was signed by only him as he said his wife was sending thank you's to her family and friends. I chalked all this up to him being a man, but my daughter is P*SSED.
She says that both should have written thank you's as they are now a team, and that it should have been personalized given we've known him for so long, and have done so much for him.
She plans on talking to him about it, but she's a little hot headed sometimes so I worry about that. Who's right here?

Answer 1

I quickly agreed with your daughter. Together they should have written/signed thank you cards. However, if there were a LOT of people at the wedding, it may have taken a while. I've been to weddings with 300+ people and I'm not so sure I would send personalized thank you cards to each one. Then again, not everyone brings gifts, and sometimes there are multiple people from a single family, in which one thank you card could have been written to. Maybe she should just tell him that he should have made them more personal, and that it hurt her feelings because he is her best friend. I wouldn't be mad that it was typed up, but it should have been more personal, such as "Thank you for the ___. We really appreciated it. Thanks again, (then signed by both husband AND wife)."

Answer 2

Guess you can chalk this up to her being a woman.What kind of nonsense is is going on in this picture.The man took time to write his own thank you letter and mail it to all the people he appreciated being their on his behalf(his Friends).Whats up with this we're a team thing as if to say that because they are now married neither can display any individualism.They will have mutual friends and some friends previously primarily affiliated with one or the other of them may turn into mutual friends,but they will always have an inclination to the person they were friends with before this union.Sounds like someone needs to grow up.Being married does not instantly exclude any individual activity or expression on either persons part,and although it is understandable to expect thank you's to come from the couple,it is equally understandable and acceptable that in some instances one might send an individual thank you's.How often do people send thank you's and cards at holidays that are couples and both names appear but in actuality only one of the couple filled the card out.My brother sends all of his siblings Christmas cards every year with his wife and child's name on it but the writing is his alone.His wife does the same with her family and friends.I have another brother who's wife does all the writing regardless of whom they send them too.Tell hot head to cool off and allow these people to act in their own chosen manner they are the ones that have to coexist together not your daughter.Good for him taking the time to do this ,many people just accept the gifts or money and never acknowledge those that did the giving.

Answer 3

She is right, he should have taken the time to write out personalized thank you cards --- and the cards should be from both of them. Thanking someone is not a time to talk about your opinions on whether cards are commercial or not. You took the time to get him a gift or money, which probably included a card. Isn't the gifts and cards given with money seen as commercial?
Make sure she calms down before she does talk to him though, she doesn't need to ruin a friendship over this.

Answer 4

Your daughter is 100% on target. The wedding was about your friend & his bride. However, the "Thank You" is about your thoughtfulness, your friendship and your regard for proper ettiquette. These things are important.
It was rude & self-serving, not to mention lazy, to send such a cold greeting. Both the bride & the groom should have sent a personal greeting, or none at all.
Men have manners too. Let your hot-headed daughter talk to him. He needs to wake up and smell the coffee.

Answer 5

Proper etiquette is to handwrite a note to personally thank each person for their gift. It might seem a daunting task for the couple, but their guests spent a lot of time and money to choose a gift they felt would help the couple begin their life together.

A generic computer printout is incredibly tacky, but there's little to be gained by scolding the new husband.

Answer 6

Sounds like the lazy way out me. Miss Manners and anybody else would say a separate thank you for each gift. The bride and groom should write the notes and include a special thank you to the giver for coming to the wedding and selecting the gift.

They should say the same thing for money.

The "mass" thank you seems more commericial to me.

My rule is, "No thank you notes, no more gifts."

Answer 7

I suppose my big problem is not the fact that it was a generic thank you, but the fact that he informed you of his wife's plans for her thank you notes. Anyone who recieved his thank you note would much rather be her friend now, for the simple fact that she cares whereas he seems not to cherish his friends' generosity.

I would let this incident roll off my back, but make a mental note to become friends with the new wife instead.

Answer 8

Was it not that well thought out and somewhat inconsiderate? Yes. But, it sounds like that is the personality too, so yelling at him isn't going to make a difference. Just tell her to let it go.

Answer 9

YOUR daughter is right! Both Should express Many Thanks otherwise They Should have gotten NOTHING

Answer 10

Just forget it. He did thank you didn't he?