why do I feel like such a bad parent???

Question

i always feel like i am yelling at my daughter. I dont want to but she never listens to me unless I yell. I can tell her to do something 5 times and she blows me off. Then I raise my voice and she listens.. And she is only 5 in a half....oh boy!!!!!

i asked this question because i do care. But some of the responses are like your a bad parent or your verbally abuiseing your child. I love and care for my little girl very much and do the best i can do.. I am asking for some ideas not needing stupid answers..

Answer 1

you are just frustrated...instead of yelling, try explaining to her why you want her to do something...My daughter cringes if she even senses I am trying to control her....and I gotta respect her for that. But, if I let her know why I want her to do something...she usually agrees. Also, try distracting her with other activities you are ok with her doing...this will leave less time for her to misbehave.
Maybe you need some time to yourself....get your husband to watch her...then go get a facial, or a pedicure...or just take a hot bath, or have a drink with friends....blow off some steam outside the home...
relax...every parent feels this way from time to time...just make sure you tell your daughter that you love her, even when she makes you mad.

Answer 2

This is normal. She is testing her limits with you. You need to start adding disciplinary action to your words. Eventually, yelling won't work. She'll get the idea that this is the worst you will do and start blowing you off again. Start taking away favorite toys, denying dessert, TV, computer games, etc. As she reaches around 8 years old, you can start piling on chores when she misbehaves or disobeys you (dishwashing, trash, clothes folding, cleaning bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping, etc). Grounding will also become effective at this age. If she continues to rebel, tack on more time of grounding, no TV, no video games, no phone, etc. She will then learn that bad behavior breeds undesireable consequences, and good behavior breeds reward. Don't forget to let her know how good she is when she does obey. Give her a special dessert, or let her do something fun she doesn't usually get to do. Restrict video games to only when she is very well behaved as a reward. This is the way it works in the work world (work well and get a raise in pay, work poorly and get fired and no pay). Now it the time to start teaching her. In time, you will find that you have to yell less and less. You are not a 'bad' parent. Bad parents just let their kids misbehave and don't try to fix it.

Answer 3

You need to stop yelling and educate yourself about good parenting. There are a ton of good books and classes out there about how to talk to children in constructive ways. This is the most important thing you have to do in your life. Are you doing it? Are you giving it your all? She is blowing you off because she is tuning you out. You yell about everything so it's all a monotone. And guess what... when she grows up she will yell at her kids.

Please get some help from a group, a book or some friends on how to stop yelling at your child.

Try the book below from your library or Amazon and cheer up. It's hard!

Answer 4

I don't think you should feel like that. May be I'm wrong, but it seems like yelling is the only medicine for your daughter. I have one cousin who is like your daughter & he is almost 7 yrs old.

You are the parents, you know what is best for her. But you can try one more thing, when both of you are in good mood....sit togather. have a glass of lemonade or hot chocolate (which ever is your daughter's fav). Then start very slowly by appoloziging to her for your deeds.......say her that you are so sorry for yelling at her and you are feeling very bad. Then tell her why you lost your temper. Tell her that she can help you out with this by trying to do what you say on the first place sometime. say "Mommy will really appriciate!". I think you have already tried these things......but I'm just saying it again :)

But again, she is only 5 yrs old, she might not get all these things.......but you can try! It really worked with my cousin. When ever he did anything, we praised him and thanked him......I think this made him feel good. All the best luck to you!

Answer 5

Stop yelling and ask her when u yell they may be scared and do what u say cause they are afarid what u might do. Tell them that if they do what u ask then they can do what they are doing afterwards. At this age they are learning from the parents do u want ur child to grow up and yell every time they want something

Answer 6

Believe me your not the only one yelling at there kid, I have a 3 yr old and Im always yelling at him. I do stop when I feel like Im the one getting out of hand. Yes he's young but it's the only way to get his attention at times, I do also explain to him that, Mommy loves you and she doesn't mean to yell at you. Please listen to mommy when she calls for you or is asking you something. I know he's small and doesnt completely understand me, but I try to be a good mom and I feel horrible when I yell at him. So you're not alone here. I hope it gets better. Only 15 more years to go...Woohoo!!! Just kidding. I love my boy!!

Answer 7

Been there.
Its hard, you feel awful for being so mean but you dont know what else to do!

Got to find something else she responds to besides you yelling. Stay calm, and dont let her blow you off five times before you get mad. Dont let it reach 5 times, after she ignores you the first time stop her from what she is doing (shut off the TV, have her put down her toy, etc.) and calmly take her to do whatever it is you told her to do. Different kids respond to different things. I am FAR from an expert, just a mom whose kid is a few years older than yours.

GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

AND decide on a consequence for her non-compliance - no TV for awhile? Standing in a corner facing the wall for 5 minutes or something like that? But no yelling - just ask her to do the task, maybe give her one warning in a calm voice, then activate the consequence. Save your voice!

Answer 9

You have to yell because you have taught her that she can get away with it until you yell. It's like saying, "I'm going to count to three and you'd better...(fill in the blank)" She knows that she can keep doing it when you say one... and when you say two... but when you say three... she knows enough is enough.

To change this, you need to keep your voice calm. Make sure she hears you, and say, stop... or don't.... or whatever. You need to tell her what the consequences are. If you don't stop, you'll have to go to time out, or whatever. Don't count. Give her a couple seconds, then put her in time out. If you threaten it, YOU HAVE TO DO IT. EVERYTIME. Or this will fall through too. After her timeout, explain to her why she sat in time out. "Mommy told you to stop doing (whatever), didn't she? "yes" Next time I ask you to stop, are you going to stop? Explain to her why she shouldn't do it... "you'll get hurt.." "You'll tear it up," whatever.

Its also true that you should pick your battles. If it isn't hurting anything, maybe you should ask yourself why you want her to stop. Maybe you need to try to be a little more tolerant some times. Is jumping on the bed while you're watching really all that bad? (I'm sure that most would say yes right now) Maybe you need to relax and jump with her. Laugh a little bit. if you're in a situation you can do it, buy her mini-trampoline (like the one with the handle) and explain that you can't jump on the bed, but its fun to jump on the trampoline. There are only a few reactions you can have: get mad, laugh, or compromise. You can't draw on the walls, (buy her a small chalk board) but you can write on the chalk board. Maybe you need to take a time out with her. Take a few deep breaths. And jump back in.

If you can't tolerate what she's doing, go to the kitchen and make something together. Cookies, or bread... Yeah, she'll make a mess, but kids at that age are eager to please and will be just as eager to help clean up as making it. She'll be slower and not as efficient, but where do they learn that stuff from? "Just go away and let me do..." breeds, "oh, I don't have to do it, that's what mom is for." later in life when you really want her to do it.

Hope this helps.... good luck and enjoy her while she's small...

Answer 10

You have to make sure you are consistent in your parenting. And follow through with your punishments. Ask her to do something and if she doesn't after the first or second time then tell her no cartoons for the rest of the day, or none of her favorite snack. And follow through with it. It might take a few times for her to realize that your serious but she will eventually not want to get "grounded" so she'll just do it. I hope.