I am a 23 yr. old single mother and I have been dating a really great guy for a little over a year, but I just don't seem to have those "love" feelings towards him. I love him as a person and as a companion but I am not in love w/ him. He is the greatest guy I have ever met and he treats me like gold, but what is more is the fact that he adores my son. We have lived together for about 6 mos. and we get along great but I still wonder if I am being unfair or possible cruely to him. The problem is that I know that I will always be IN love w/ my son's father even though I know we will NEVER work, and we have nothing to do w/ each other. So my question is this: is it possible to spend your life with someone that you love (as a companion), admire, respect, and adore but you don't have the rushing LOVE feeling towards?
2006-06-27 07:55:24 · 15 answers · asked by Nicki H 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ooh...what a mess! Ok, first, should have waited a little longer to cohabitate. Now that makes it hard on you, your boyfriend and your son. All things in due time, my dear. Next, I do have some good news here...you'll probably always love your son's father in some small way because he shared with you an experience no one else has, which is creating your child together. This will change with more time, though I can't say if your feelings for your boyfriend will change. I loved my ex dearly but he wasn't in love with me. He accidentally got me pregnant and we both decided it was for the best for me to have an abortion. We're still great friends ever since we broke up, but that will always tie us together, even though no one else knows what truly bonded us. It took me time but I didn't move on until I was really ready and it sounds like you did. You're also really young and you already have a child so a lot of this could stem from those early 20's feelings of newfound independence and sowing wild oats. Only you can decide. Take some time for yourself and figure out what it is you really want. Once you clear your head, you might realize you do love this man, or you might soundly be able to declare to yourself that you don't. Remember that love takes time to build and establish, and you haven't been with this new guy for too terribly long. Whatever you decide, best of luck to you.
2006-06-27 08:03:14 · answer #1 · answered by SuperJenn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you do have true loving desires for this guy, but you are afraid to admit and convince your self that you do! If this guy is as wonderful to you and your son the way that you are saying, then you need to put the past behind you! If the father of your son is not showing the two of you that he truly loves and desires the both of you, then you truly need to stop dwelling over him! You are allowing him to take control of your life and you are making your son's life miserable over some one that doesn't give a damn about either of you! And you are thinking of getting rid of the one who does? Remember love will always grow fonder! And instead of being selfish and only thinking of your self, you should be thinking of your sons future & happiness! And also the guy that you are with. He has feeling too!
Good Luck!!!
2006-06-27 15:16:59 · answer #2 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, but it's a pretty big sacrifice. You're very young and to use words like "always" and "never" are perhaps premature. You certainly have a connection with your child's father that no other man can have, but as far as falling in love...you've got years to figure it out, find someone who can be a companion and a lover. On those two qualities, you shouldn't settle. You need both.
2006-06-27 15:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by SurferRose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused because if he's so great, why don't you love him? Is it because the physical attraction just isn't there, or because your still too hung up on your ex? This might change over time. I would give it more time to see if your feelings change, but if you really can never love him, then it isn't fair to either of you to stay together.
2006-06-27 15:02:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need time to distance yourself from your old love. Seeing as you still have to deal him, it could take years. I imagine you probably got involved with this new guy to soon. Your heart wasn't ready. The best thing to do is to tell him how you feel. He'll understand and stick in there and wait for you to come around. Hopefully you do.
2006-06-27 15:06:02 · answer #5 · answered by DEF z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If and when you finally let go of Jr.'s dad will you be able to have those feelings for anyone else. You are on your way there by acknowledging that you and he will never work out and have nothing to do with eachother. Maybe if you stop telling yourself that you'll always be in love with Jr.'s dad then you won't be.....
2006-06-27 15:00:33 · answer #6 · answered by teetee's mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
speaking from my own personal experience,I was in the same situation and stayed 8 years.I finally just could not take it anymore & had to move on.I dont think you would ever be happy if you have already been with him a year & the "in love" feeling is still not there.It always feels as if you are missing out.
2006-06-27 15:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by lunatic_no9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your current bf probably has these deep feelings for you can't return them. You can only feign them for the sake of your son . It is not fair to your bf to have to be in an onesided relationship. So do you beleive it is better to be with someone who loves you more than you love them?
2006-06-27 15:10:58 · answer #8 · answered by obsalazar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's very possible, that's how all arranged marriages start out, and some do fall in love with their partners over time, and some never do, but they still coexist.
2006-06-27 15:02:04 · answer #9 · answered by Uncertain Soul 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh course..although the problem comes if you meet some that you do love..say 3 years down the line. Is that fair to your boyfriend?
2006-06-27 15:00:07 · answer #10 · answered by SunnySmile83 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋