My bio. mother doesnt see eye to eye on things. what should i do?

Question

My Bioligical mother and i dosent see eye to eye on things. She is homeless and she is homeless with a guy that i dont like. She smokes and probably drinks. she will call once and then for 2 or three weeks i will never here frome her. then she will call. when she does come and picks my brother and i up, she complains. i give her plenty of sugestions of what to do and she doesnt take it. i dont know what to do any more.

Answer 1

I think you sound more like the adult! This must be tough on you, but I would think it's time to put her on hold. Why would you want to spend time with someone who has no respect for herself or you? Find a friends mom that can give you motherly advise and stay away from the bio. mother of yours. If she really wants to see you, tell her to clean up her act and get it together! I'll pray for you!!

Answer 2

Ok. She's homeless. She's with a guy you don't like. She smokes. She probably drinks. She isn't always there for you. She complains (about what?).

First, she's an adult and made her own decisions in life. You've given "plenty of suggestions", so you've at least tried to tell her what to do. Have you listened to why she's homeless? Try to see her point in things first. Really, truly, understand her. Ask questions to reflect your effort to understand. (ie. she says: "I hate that you don't like my boyfriend", your first response shouldn't be: "Well, he's a pig.", try instead: "You'd like us to get along...." let her follow up on that, maybe tell you why he's a good person. She may just realize he isn't ---or you'll see why he is).

Second, make sure she understands you. This must be done after you know her feelings on her life. If she truly needs help, let her know that your "suggestions" are your way of offering help. If she's just stubborn/lazy, let her know that you can't sit by while she ruins her life.

Third, tho she's family, you may just have to let her go. My mother was an alcoholic. She left my brother and I when we were children. She tried to come by every now and again, but not regularly. Usually, she was drunk, or just looking to fight with our dad. One day, I told her (at 13 no less) that we didn't need such disruptions in our lives. That I had made the choice that my brother and I were growing up balanced and strong. That her actions were not tolerated. And that if she wished to see us, she would clean herself up. Ten years later, I moved next door to her, she is my truest friend.

I hope you get through this. I hope your mother gets through this. I send you all the best in my prayers.

Answer 3

First thing, you need to inform us if you live with her or someone else. Be very careful when traveling with her. If she is in a situation where she is under the influence, you don't know what type of people she is around...trust me...my mother had a boyfriend that was on drugs and he use to take me to the drug houses...don't go into those houses. Luckily I had enough sense not to go into them! My Biological father was never there, so I know what you are going through. I began to join after school programs and also had a mentor. It may sound cliche' but it really helps. I had a single-mother "minority" taking care of 3 children, on welfare, and working double shifts to get us off of welfare. Now, I am 30, have a college degree, work for a law firm and have became a mentor since the age of 16. Trust me, having someone to talk to makes a great impact on your life. Hope everything goes well.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your situation. That really stinks for you. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do for her. I suggest you talk to other adults that you trust about your situation, mainly so that you can just talk about it and get your frustrations out. You want more from your biological mother, but I don't think she is going to change. It's hard to tell someone this, but people are the way they are. She's not that way because of you. She didn't get that way because of anything you did, or because she gave birth to you or anything like that at all. You are not responsible for her actions, her behavior or even her feelings. You didn't cause her to be homeless or to be irresponsible. And also because you didn't cause it, you can't do much about it either. You didn't cause her to be that way, and you can't cause her to be any other way either. This is not YOUR burden. You have to take care of yourself and focus on what's good and right for you.

Answer 5

Take care of yourself, do what you have to do to be healthy. If she is homeless she shouldn't probably be seeing you kids without supervision. I'm guessing there might be substance abuse and potentially some mental disorder going on. Talk to your father.

Answer 6

She sounds like a low life to me.... I am adopted...if my BirthMother was like that I would ditch her in a heartbeat......