i broke up with an ex about a month ago. we were in a LD relationship for over a year. he bought me a ring and was planning to propose. i met someone else closer to home and decided to end my LD relationship. he took it badly, not surprisingly. my new relationship ended before it began. i don't want my ex back because i don't love him in the same way anymore.
i have been felling guilty over what i did. i IM'd him last night to ask if everything is ok. he said he is packing up and moving. he also said that before i IM'd him, he was thinking of committing suicide!! he said i am the greatest love of his life and he wants me back. i told him i am not good for him. i told him i would talk to him again soon to see how he was. he said 'you better, you saved my life, for now'
what the hell does that mean? i am sooooo worried about him. should i contact him again or just leave it? if he does anything silly i feel it will be my fault!!
any advice will be greatly appreciated........
2006-06-27 06:35:45 · 19 answers · asked by Jan 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry about your break-up. Definitely don't feel guilty. Breaking up is a part of life. How else are you supposed to end up with your perfect "one" if you don't go out there and experience different characters and personalities. Over time it helps you define what you really want...
Regarding your ex, I would not worry to much. Many guys when they are immature threaten their exs by telling them try will commit suicide. The best thing you can do is call one of his family members/friends to check up on him just in case. If you talk to him again, you need to be forward and straight to the point. Then end it giving it closure...
But don't feel guilty. Long distance relationships rarely work. We are human and physical contact/closeness. What you experienced is totally normal and expected...
I hope this helps. If you want to talk some more don't hesitate to email me...
Good luck and best wishes...
2006-06-27 06:52:10 · answer #1 · answered by Milkywayman22 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You really blew it with a great guy. That is how some guys go bad. Why don't you feel the same way? Did he do something to you? I the mean time keep talking to as a friend and let him know that you'll still be there as a friend and nothing else. Tell him that he will find some that will marry him and love him the way he love you. Don't let him blackmail you back into the relationship, cause you will not be happy. If he were to committed suicide, he would have done it the day that you told him that you didn't want to be with him. Make sure that you don't tell him that, cause that will push it. Just be friends with him and ask him if that is okay. If he says no then you'll be okay cause you already ask him and he turned you down, so there is no strings attached there.
2006-06-27 06:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by dlbaca7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still called him and all, which is why you know that he is in a bad shape. Now you know that he is very depressed about the break up. What was your plan if this was the case? I wished he was the one asking questions here. I would tell him: "Don't let her know that you are this miserable...because the fact that she is still calling you means that she still cares a lot about you. Don't scare her..lie to her instead...tell her you are just fine...a bit sad still- but fine." Now what if this was what he told you, wouldn't it have made you sad, because it would have shown that he didn't have that much attachment to you after all? He is just being honest with you right now...and maybe yes- he does feel suicidal after all he wanted to propose to you- and obviously you were even aware of this. The break up must have been the total opposite of what he expected from you. If he does commit suicide...it's normal for everyone to feel guilty . In your case...at least that guilty feeling will be justified.
Will you ever find out if he does commit suicide? Yes? Because you continue keeping in touch? You know ...how can he get over you, if you keep calling him. Either stop calling him already...or marry him. Simple as that.
2006-06-27 06:53:58 · answer #3 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be telling the truth but no matter what is actually true, you are not responsible for someone else's behavior. I think the chances are in favor of him trying to hold you emotionally hostage, but he will change his tune after he has had more time to deal with the sting of you dropping him for no apparent reason. What a lot of people don't understand is that once they are in a relationship, breaking it off without giving the other person a chance is a truly selfish act. I don't blame him for being resentful toward you. You never considered how he felt about the break up until YOU decided to end it and then he felt suicidal. Remember you are half of a relationship, and your actions WILL have consequences. I hope you learn from this experience.
2006-06-27 06:44:15 · answer #4 · answered by Awesome Bill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in the same situation you are right now...i also had broken up with my boyfriend because i didn't love him but he kept telling me he couldn't bare life and wanted to kill himself. It only got worse, he became so possesive with me...he would get mad if he knew i was out with my friends, he threatened some of my guy friends and he really made my life miserable for a long time. He still said he was going to kill himself and since i was soooo worried, cause i also thought it was gonna be my fault, i called him and tried to calm him down. After a long time he started trying to win me over again and since i couldn't take it anymore i decided to give it another try. After we got back together i found out he had been with three other girls...i felt terrible cause he was so mad that i would as much as talk to a guy and he has bee with three girls.
It's all blackmail....he is not in love with you, he is kinda obsessive and i really don't know him, but you do and you can tell if he would be able to commit suicide. If he was moving i don't think he was going to....it's all a way of manipulating you and it an get worse....if you do get back with him it woun't really work cause you are not getting back together because you want to and that will only be bad for him and you. This is not the guy for you and you know it.....just think...is he REALLY capable of committing suicide'?? If you think he is then maybe try to help him without getting too involved if not just let him go.
Hope it helps...good luck! ;)
2006-06-27 06:47:36 · answer #5 · answered by allie_p15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had no right handing you this guilt trip. I don't feel you did anything wrong in how you handled the situation. You broke up with him and well that happens. He wants you back and you do not want him back. Simple and he should learn to let go.
If he is thinking about killing himself is problem is a lot deeper than his relationship with you. If he honestly cared for you he would above all want you to be happy in whatever you wanted to do. With him or without.
You can not allow him to put this guilt on you because in my opinion it isn't yours to have.
I realize you care for his well being but your relationship is over and if you allow him to make you feel bad then chances are you will go back for pity and if he is willing to take you back for this then he is really not worth being with.
It is time this young man learns how to move on and personally if I were you I help him along but moving on myself.
best of luck
2006-06-27 06:47:06 · answer #6 · answered by Savage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never ever give into emotional blackmail, it make you feel like u r being manipulated and being sucked back into a relationship that u don't want to get into will only make both of u feel bad, My advice is to cut all ties, this way if the guy does something really stupid then it will be on his head instead of yours.
2006-06-27 06:42:22 · answer #7 · answered by missdonthate2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes crying out 4 attention and usually guys like this that r actually close 2 where the girl is tend 2 end up stalking her. lucky 4 u hes far away. that being said if he really wanted 2 kill himself he wouldnt tell u he would just do it. stay away u r in an unhealthy relationship
2006-06-27 06:41:46 · answer #8 · answered by shadowpaws2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people breakup all the time...bottom line is sh*t happens. If he wanted to kill himself he would be dead. Do not fall for it because he is trying to make you feel guilty. He is being selfish. I don't know if you broke up with him the right way or not but its over in any event so move on. Personally, I wouldnt call him back. I'm sure he will call you.
2006-06-27 06:39:39 · answer #9 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is going to commit suicide what you say or do has nothing to do with it. He sounds like he is trying to get you back by making you feel guilty. I would not call again all your doing is giving him hope were there is none.
2006-06-27 06:42:52 · answer #10 · answered by usserydog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋