baby mama drama?

Question

i have been with my boyfriend for two years and been living with him, and the two kids that he has primary custody of, for a year and a half. the kids mom walked out on the kids when the girl was 3 and the boy was 1 1/2 monthes old. now she is pregnant with another mans baby. the girl has been calling me mommy for over a year now and the boy has been calling me mommy for about 9 monthes. im the only mother that these kids do. im involed in the girls school. i love beening in their lives and enjoy them calling me mom because it makes them happy. now the problem is she wants to be more involed in their lives now that she knows they both call me mom. when they go and visit her every other weekend she tells me that they arent allowed to call me mommy and say i love you to me. she called my boyfriend last weekend when she had them and told him she didnt apprieate them calling me mom. he told her that i have been the only mom they have ever know. what is her deal. and what do i do about it?

Answer 1

It's hard when the real mom feels she's being replaced. I'm a step-mom and my daughters tell me I treat them better than their own mom and of course she doesn't like me cause she knows I treat them good yet......SHE STILL CONTINUES treating them bad! Be the best mom you can be and if she ever decides to start treating them like the mother she never was then you can't stop that either. The fact that they call you mom is HER OWN FAULT! If she was around from the beginning then it would of been the opposite! They have the right to call BOTH OF YOU mom. There's nothing wrong with having two mom's and two dad's, it just means they have quadruple the love and if she can't handle that "Oh well". You have to talk to your boyfriend and if possible all of you talk it through, she has to grow up and understand that this is all due to the mistakes she's made in the past! If she really cares for her kids she'll let them call you mom and her too! If she's immature and doesn't get it (like my husbands ex) then just keep doing your good deeds and when the kids get older (6,7,8 and up) they'll see who shows them more love and treats them better, it's not a competition but in the end they'll know they're really loved and by whom. Just remember, sometimes you can't change things no matter how bad you want them to, no matter how bad things are. Time will tell, time will tell........good luck!

Answer 2

Unfortunatly if she is choosing to be in their life now, nothing. It is to bad it took her so long. But if she is in their life now, making an attempt and continues, she is their biological mother. You are doing everything right. Those kids need you and they know it and your boyfriend knows it. Keep doing what you are doing, and hope it all works out. As for them calling you mom, the kids did that on their own. You did not make them do it. Try to be supportive of the situation and see where it goes. Maybe all 3 of you need to sit down and have a talk and she needs to understand what your role has been.

Answer 3

call her up and tell her:

if she really ever cared about those kids she should have done something LONG ago tell her the kids can call you whatever they want and if they love you than there is no wrong in saying so. if she left her kids than she dont deserve to have control. if she was irresponsible enough to be a mom with two different men than say i have no respect for you until you lighten up and understand that these children need a mother and right now im doing a better job.

Answer 4

Tell them that they can call you Mommy if they want to. You love them so very much and think its wonderful that they love you so much too. Don't let her twist things for the kids. The boyfriend needs to point blank tell her to keep her comments to herself. The kids don't need the drama, and its unfair to them for her to force ideas on them. And make sure he stresses that its the kids that matter, not giving you grief over her leaving, or who came into their lives after she ran off. Tell the 4 year old its HER choice what she calls you, not her mother's. And the words I Love You are very special and can be said to anyone you love, not just mommies and daddies. The boyfriend needs to take firm control now, or her guilt and bitterness are going to poison the kids.

Answer 5

Be supportive of the kids and their wishes as you have been. Their biological mom may upset them with her decrees, but this is something that you can talk over with your boyfriend. If he agrees with you, then he should talk to her and set her straight. From what I read, the kids should be allowed to call you "Mom".

I'm glad that the biological mom seems to think she's made a mistake and wants to be more involved, now, but she can be involved and loving without being destructive to the kids' way of life, their security. See if your boyfriend will suggest to her that she ask the kids to call her by "Mom" and her first name. For instance, if her first name is Betty, they can call her "Mom Betty", while still calling you "Mommy" or "Mom". If "Mom Betty" is too close to your name for them, she may just have to deal with "Betty" or "Miss Betty".

The point is, the two of you have become their parents. It is up to your boyfriend and you (whom he has chosen to involve in the kids' lives in a very meaningful way) what happens in their lives. Whatever happens, it's going to be a tough take for her. But as long as your boyfriend, you, and the kids are happy with the way things are, stick to your guns, and everything will turn out.

Answer 6

I wouldn't let her get involved again because she'll probably get involved for awhile and then get up and leave again. Don't put the kids through that..keep them away from her. If she doesn't like them calling you mom then she should have been the one to raise them. I think it's great that you care so much for these kids. Don't put the kids through that kind of hurt. It doesn't matter if you gave birth to them or not you are just as much if not more of a parent then she is or ever will be.

Answer 7

Wow, that's really sad. Hopefully your boyfriend wil stand by you. And, as much as I'm sure you'd like to, you really shouldn't say anything bad about their birth mom around the children.
She most obviously is jealous of you. I wouldn't force the kids to call you mom. (and I know you haven''t been - but if they stop for a while, let is slide) Just continue to care for and about them, love them, be there for them and they will know who is the true "mom" in their lives.
There's a saying that any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy. I think the same is true with moms. Any woman can give birth, but it takes someone special the be a mommy.
Best of luck to you - when she has this baby, and has the responsibility for that one completely on her, she may very well lose interest in the older children.

Answer 8

Be supportive of the children having a relationship with their mother..Dont put any more stress on them than is already their...be a mother to them and teach them that they are loved and cared about...I know its tough when you have been their mom for so long but you cant stop her from doing this to her own kids..she wont stop it and she has a right to see them...just do damage control when they get home and be there for them...in the long run they will know who the better parent is...

Answer 9

tell the daddy that the both of you need to sit the kids down & explain the situation & ask there opinion on what they should call you, they have the right to know & be less confused. being honest with kids of any age is better so they don`t question or resent you later, the only way to know what they think is if you ask them, they are human too & have opinions. let them know they are loved by you & you wish to protect them, there mom may have made mistakes but she is still making a mistake by playing head games with them. let them know there mom loves them as well but is hurt that someone else is playing mom, but you & the dad did what you thought was best for them, just explain that to them, they will understand if you break it down to there level of understanding & they will form there own opinions & be understanding kids of who you are & who mom is & what she has done to them & what you & dad have done for them. they are lucky to have another mom who loves & care for them. great luck hope it works out.

Answer 10

she should be happy that they love you enough to want to call you mommy and tell you that they love you! it's her own guilt eating at her. there could be a compromise over the mommy thing, but in the "i love you" she needs to get over that. you love the kids too, and that's all great. i'm not even saying the shouldn't call you mommy, but something else to go along with it. no need to confuse the kids, this isn't their fault/problem.