My daughter's daycare tells me that the past two days she has started to shake if something little happens, like her ice cream cone drips. She's been at her dad's house since Friday night. They are wondering if she gets yelled at when at his house and she spills something. How can I know? Her dad wouldn't tell me if it was the case.
2006-06-27 05:50:15 · 12 answers · asked by cocoanutt 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Since you can't talk with her dad about how he treats her when she spills, make "mistakes" on purpose at home and/or point out mistakes that you make. "Oops! I spilt my coffee. I'd better wipe it up." or "Oh no! I put too much sugar in the batter. I'd better start over." She will learn that everyone makes mistakes and begin to feel more comfortable making her own mistakes.
I would also have a conversation with her after she visits her dad. Be open with her so she will feel comfortable opening up to you. You can ask her “What would daddy do if you spilled your milk?” or “What would daddy say if you broke your toy?” It is a way for you to see what happens when she is with her dad without confronting him.
Stop using extrinsic rewards (saying "Good job!"). Children who are used to extrinsic rewards are always caring what others think of them. I had a student who was very fearful of adults. She would stop what she was doing if I simply looked in her direction. I had her parents come and visit with her for an hour and noticed that they overly praised her. She couldn't pick up a pencil without them saying "Good job!" I talked with them about this and asked that they replace "Good job" with phrases like "You did that by yourself! Look how high you climbed! You used so many colors on your picture! You worked on that for a long time! You must feel so proud!" Within a month this child was so different. She gained a great amount of confidence, started speaking with the teacher and her peers, and was no longer fearful. It was an amazing change! Try it! Here's an article about why parents (and teachers) should stop saying "Good job!" Good luck!
http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/gj.htm
2006-06-27 06:57:09 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 13⤊ 2⤋
Usually kids don't care if they make messes like that and usually the parents don't care either--obviously somebody is yelling at her or punishing her for even the smallest things and you should really look into it to make sure she's not being mistreated.
2006-06-27 05:56:29 · answer #2 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That could be the case. Something might have happened at daycare, too. Ask her about both places.
2006-06-27 05:56:02 · answer #3 · answered by lj1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her dad, authorities if necessary, or stop allowing her to go see dad, and see if she brightens up and becomes confident again, and happy. If a pattern develops each time she returns from dad, there could be a problem there.
2006-06-27 05:54:54 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmy K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know it's not you and you have already talked to the day care they can ask him for you if you give them permision to ask. They are trying to help understand the situation so getting his opinion on the matter can be helpful and it keeps you out of it, for the most part.
2006-06-27 05:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by Justbeingme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple- Pull her out. Obviously there is something wrong here and it is not worth your piece of mind and heartache to leave her there. Find new care!
Good luck!
2006-06-27 06:31:29 · answer #6 · answered by C H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes in some way he is intimidating her , that is a classic sign that shes afraid to make mistakes , but does that mean he lets her get away with doing bad , no , but he needs to change the way he corrects her for sure
2006-06-27 05:58:37 · answer #7 · answered by jojo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it might be that. or it could possibly be OCD. check with a doctor to see if she has any disorders like that. if you have OCD and you do something that just isnt "right' then you start feeling anxious, nervous, and could start shaking.
2006-06-27 05:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by hoboboho93 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would try to talk to her but it sounds like she is being mistreated somewhere hopefully she will open up to you good luck
2006-06-27 09:54:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may not be that hes yelling but if he disiplins differantly kids notice change.. and they notice it in a big way.
2006-06-27 05:54:47 · answer #10 · answered by Lexee M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋