should i stop picking him up from work?

Question

my son is 20, has been in and out of jail, loves pain pills, and has a job now(part of his parole)has had said job for 3 months. He does not live with me(i dont like his drug habits). For these 3 months, i have been picking him up from work and taking him home(his dads) daddy takes him, he works a 12 hour shift, and wants me to pick him up at 7:00 am, 2 days one week, and 3 days the next. I take several meds that make me very sleepy, and if i have to get up at 6:00 am to pick him up, I am evil the rest of the day. Personally, i think i have extended myself quite enough, and he needs to be either getting a vehicle(needs to take the drivers test again) or finding a more convenient ride home. Am i being selfish, or am I right?

Answer 1

Might I say that you are one of many that do too much...you should tell him that it is too much for you and that you suggest him taking a cab where he needs to go and to tell him that sorry for any problems but to tell you the truth you need to let him grow up and do things on his own for himself. He needs to grow up and stop relying on everyone else for things, even the little things.

Answer 2

I had a problem like this. Wasn't exactly the same thing. My brother was always the one that was "down on his luck" and everything in his life was "not his fault". I drove him to work EVERYDAY for 2 years. 30 min out of my way to my job. I wound up seeing a therapist after 2 years (not because of him) just because I guess I wanted to talk to someone. He came up, I told my shrink about him. My therapist said that "I was doing this because I was selfish" lol ... it gets better. Basically, I do not want to feel guilty that I'd tell him that I can't talk him to work anymore hence by intercepting that guilt by allowing him to take advantage of me, I'd take him to work, lend him money, etc. Part of what he said made sense, the "selfish" thing was stupid. I told my big brother he had 30 days to get a car and ... he did just that. Now, I only pick him up when his car is not working but I think you should do the same. You will be amazed how quick they will get their sh*t together when you pose an ultimatum. Good Luck!

Answer 3

You are absolutely right in feeling the way you so. If the circumstances were different with him being in the position he is in it would be different, but he has been in and out of jail and doesn't have a license and so on and so forth.... You owe him nothing. He is an adult. Maybe if you back off he will HAVE TO be more responsible for himself. You know what I mean, he'd have no choice. Don't overextend yourself for someone (even your son) who hasn't helped himself. Don't feel guilty either. You have done your duty and it is time for him to be a grown MAN and act like one. You have your own life to live. I know this is your son, but still he is an adult. If you back off you will be less stressed and he will find other means of transportation. Let him learn responsibility and don't make things so easy for him. I bet it wasn't easy for you when he was in and out of trouble. Was it? Good luck and I think you are right.

Answer 4

I think you are right. You can only do so much for him, and this almost constitutes catering to him. He will not look for another alternative so long as "Mummy" is going to do it. He is 20 yrs old, and more than capable of looking after himself. I think you should stop driving him so as to help him with his first lessons at being a MAN and not a dependant little boy. If he were never in jail, and not on drugs, and really trying to make a "go" at it, then I would continue to help him, but in his current state, he sounds like a mini-sponge that will grow over time.

Answer 5

If you wanted to be a taxi driver, I guess you would have taken that up as a career. He's an adult now....and has to take care of himself.

Call him right now and tell him that the medication you take means you can no longer drive him to work. It IS dangerous to yourself and others, to do so while under the influence...so it must stop now. Surely your meds SAY it on the packet anyway....so I dont know why you are risking losing your license and the possibility of killing someone on the road, on his behalf.

If he's on pain meds he shouldnt be driving either....public transport would be safer.

Answer 6

As hard as it may be, stop picking him up and enabling him to be a dependent child. He's 20 - that's time to be a man and take responsibility for his own life. If he just doesn't go to work because mommy and daddy aren't there to chauffeur him, then he will have to pay the consequences, which will help him to grow up. Be sure you let him know you love him and care about him, and don't give in when he whines and complains that if you really loved him you would help him out. You are helping him out by allowing him to grow up.

Answer 7

He should take the bus, or car pool with someone.

He could get a motorcycle or something if he cannot afford a car.

He's 20 years old and needs to learn responsibility. The only way he will learn how to be responsible is when he begins to take care of himself.

Answer 8

well i think that no matter what kind of son u have u have to be there for him no matter what and if he cant get rides home then he loses his job then hes doing nothing , so then what will he be doing, you will be able to ajust urself to his scedule after awhile. and yes he can work on getting his liscence back and gettting a car but he wont be able to do none of that without a job , takes money.

Answer 9

no wonder your son is mess up, why have kids if you don't care about them. you should never have kid(s) in the first place. but too late for that, yes, you are selfish, you are the mother, no matter how old your son get, you are always the mother. family make sacrifces to take care of each other, and you ain't family.

Answer 10

It seems the only reason you are picking him up from work is out of guilt. And guilt will not help you nor him. Eventually youll grow more resentful. If you want to help him start with yourself.