Should I tell my mom to back off; also, am I a mooch?

Question

Dear Abbey (ha!): I am living at home for the summer, and I give my mom a little stipend to help with grocery costs. However, I am unemployed. I would like to take a break for the summer before going back to school (where I have maintained a high GPA, which I mention only to suggest that I am not totally slothful). My mom would like me to get a job.

My mom also makes comments like: "you're my project" (which at first was funny, but has taken a slightly less hilarious glow) and comments on my personal hygiene. She says things like: "you have greasy bangs. You should wash them. Your teeth are gross. Brush them. Clean your room."

It's clear that she has my best interests at hand, but I am at an age where it's become embarrassing that any small lapses in cleanliness or employment are pointed out by my mother.

Should I take it all in stride by trying to get a job and re-furnishing my sense of humor? Or should I tell her to "step outta my bizness, woman?"

Answer 1

Your mother loves you. Listen to her when she tells you about something she thinks is disgusting. Most likely others think the same but will not say anything to you. She has taken the hard task of hurting you in order to "fix" you. You don't need to be "fixed" necessarily, you just need to learn to do something in a different way or get into the habit of doing something.

Don't be afraid of getting a job while at home. I just finished my undergrad, and I always worked when I went home for the summer. I worked on roofs in the morning and delivered pizza at night. I used the money I made to pay for the first semester each year for my engineering degree. I found the mindless tasks a great relieve from a tough year. It also allowed me to interact with people and not be bored at home while all my friends worked.

Answer 2

If you moved back in with your mom, you just have to accept the fact that she's gonna pick apart everything that you do. That's what moms do when grown children move back in. Because you see, when we get to be a certain age (college age, marriage age, baby age), it's time to move out and learn how to deal with life on our own. And it saves us all the hassle of Mom's nitpicking. So I would say if you don't like it (which you seem not to), don't tell you mom to get out of your "bizness" while you're living under her roof with no job. Get a job, find a roommate, rent a cheap house or apartment and take some responsibility for yourself. Good grades aren't enough. That gets you through when you're a child. If you want independence and security, you're going to have to so something for it. You can't mooch AND expect her to leave you alone about greasy hair and nasty teeth. Oh, and by the way, bad hygene will gross anyone out, so if you are living with someone or ever going out in public, don't be so lazy--take a shower and brush your teeth! It only takes a minute and the benefits are HUGE!

Answer 3

Apparently this is HER HOUSE that you are living in. You don't pay rent or any bills...and I'm sure a "stipend" basically covers the cost of what YOU eat. You are obvisiously intelligent enough to know (based on your high GPA) that you SHUD GET A JOB! What do u do? Sit a home all day and run up her electric bill? And if it is embarrassing that your mom points out the lapses in your cleanliness...then CLEAN UP! If your gonna be a slob then be a slob in someone else's house..not hers! You probably are driving your mom to an early grave!

Answer 4

Whatever you do, don't disrespect your mother. There are some things you just can't take back and truly apologize for. You are living in your mothers house pretty much for free. I realize you are technically an adult but, again, you are living in your mothers house. Follow her rules and take the criticism or better yet, do something to keep the criticism at bay like keeping up on your personal hygiene and get a job.

Answer 5

Her home her rules.