I'm depressed?

Question

Can someone tell me a joke or something to try to make me laugh?? I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

Answer 1

i love u. give me the points

Answer 2

Having a joke told to you won't make depression go away. What you need to do is talk to someone right now, and tell them why you are depressed and feeling sad about things. Instand messaging, like Yahoo! IM is good for that purpose, because you can talk to anyone with a smart, sympathetic ear. Send a message if you like.

Answer 3

Here is my joke to cheer you up!!!
Bishop And The ***
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S *** SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S *** OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ***. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.

Answer 4

Coming Home Late

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's a_s_s and say, 'How about a B_J?' ... and she's always sound asleep."

Answer 5

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car - a MBW M3 and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, there standing next to her is a salesman.

"Good day, Madam How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to crap your yourself when you hear the price.

i know its bad yet its not my worst cheer up !!!

Answer 6

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one> afternoon and> >> asked the waitress for a cup of coffee.> >> The Irishman looked across the restaurant and> asked, "Is that Jesus> >> sitting over there?"> >> The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told> her to give Jesus a> >> cup of coffee on him.>
>> > >> The next patron to come in was an Englishman with> a hunched back. He> >> shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and> asked the waitress> >> for a cup of hot tea.> >> He also glanced across the restaurant and asked,> "Is that Jesus over> >> there?"> >> The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to> give Jesus a cup of> >> hot tea, "My treat."> >> > >> The third patron to come into the restaurant was> a Redneck on> >> crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down> and hollered, "Hey> >> there, sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold> glass of Coke! "> >> He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked,> "Is that God's boy> >> over there?"> >> The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck> said to
give Jesus a> >> cold glass of Coke, "On my bill."> >> > >> As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the> Irishman, touched him and> >> said, "For your kindness, you are healed."> >> The Irishman felt the strength come back into his> legs, got up, and> >> danced a jig out the door.> >> > >> Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him> and said, "For your> >> kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt> his back straightening> >> up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and> did a series of> >> back flips out the door.> >> > >> Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The> Redneck jumped up and> >> yelled, "Don't touch me...I'm drawin'> disability."

Answer 7

Little johny's school is having show and tell, so the teacher starts a 'Guess Whats Behind My Back' game. She goes to her desk and picks up a item. She says, okay class, what am I holding, its RED, ROUND, and SHINEY. Little Johny replies I know teacher its an apple, The teacher replies, no little johny, But I like the way you think.
So the teacher goes gack to her desk picks up another item. She says, okay class, what am I holding now, its YELLOW, and SOFT. Little Johny replies I know teacher,its a bannana. The teacher replies, no little johny, its a tennis ball. But I like the way you think. At this point little johny is furious. Okay teacher, this one's for you, he stuck his hand in his pocket and said okay what am I Holding, Its ROUND, HARD, and has a HEAD. The teacher says, Little johny, go to the office right now, you are in trouble. Little johny replies, for what teacher, its just a quarter, but I like the way you think.

Answer 8

Two children ordered their Father to stay in bed one Father's Day morning.
As he lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
Finally, the children called him to come downstairs. He found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Father's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Answer 9

There once was a girl downhearted who needed to laugh so I farted!

Cheer up or things will only get worse...choose to have a good day, it's up to you!

Answer 10

take fish oil, it helps depression. Or Krill Oil, even better.


Think about Bill Cosby, he's funny.

Answer 11

I don't have any jokes but I do hope you feel better