i am depressed because of my boyfriend and his family. they allways turn up unexspectedly which makes me .....

Question

...think that we dont have alife doing anything. my boyfriend had a friend stay for two days and now the family r coming round. i was suposed to go shopping tonight and bleach my hair which i cant do when there r kids around. i might leave my boyfriend coz this always happens as his too soft so what shall i do?//

Answer 1

Have a word with him! You may find that he actually thinks you enjoy the extra company thats why he has'nt told them to bugger off!

Answer 2

I know how you feel. I had a girlfriend 10 years ago. she had the same problem with me. I thought is was all my fault. then I had a girlfriend that did the same as I did. but it really didn't bother me of her family and friend because I didn't try to focus life on me. that is when I realized its wasn't my fault that the previous girlfriend had a problem with me. She just wanted life to revolve around her and to be center of attention. This girl ask me to consult with her before anyone comes over. I agreed. people didn't come over anymore because the time was never right. for her-consult meant no. we couldn't stay together. everything was never enough. I realize I don't know your whole situation but it sounds like you want this guy all to yourself or not at all. you say he is too soft but what you really want is someone softer for you that gives in to what you want. wow, someone stayed for two whole days. now the family is visiting. what,do they come every morning and leave at night.? can you do your hair tomorrow. must it be tonight just because that was the plan? If this guy is letting plans change a couple times a week then you need to talk with this boy. If he can't ever put anybody off for you then yes you might need a new one.

Answer 3

You have a problem - why is it that your bf brings his family around anyway? Did you originally suggest this type of arrangement? If there is no "reasoning" with the bf to NOT allow his family to interfere with your life, then you may have no other choice other than the "dump" of the bf and his family! Privacy in one form or another is important for any individual, a boyfriend is one thing - but an entire other family - that is NOT connected with you at the moment is another matter!!!!!! If you can get no "privacy" any other way, then ask them to leave you alone!

Answer 4

Try this: "sorry, we have other plans", "gee, I'd love to visit, but we were just leaving"....if you have something to do...DO IT...don't pay attention to his friends/kids/family. And ask the bf to tell his family and friends that they must call before they come over!!! That's just plain rude to show up on someones door step.....if they do,you are not obligated to let them in the house! "If you had only called, we could have made some time to be with you".....get the hint? They will after a while. If you have somewhere to go.....by all means GO! "Well, hate to say goodbye right now, but we're leaving in 5 minutes...so see you guys later". People can't walk all over you unless you allow them to do it.

Answer 5

I had the same problem, and it didn't get resolved until my mother in law died. I would have a quiet word with a sympathetic member of his family. Maybe like me you weren't brought up with a strong family unit and find his close family oppressive. I wouldn't leave or give him an ultimatum, or nag him even. Give over the nagging for a while, play the gracious hostess, he may act when the pressure is off. Having said that, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect his family to call before they come over. If he's really too weak, make it clear yourself. Don't be like me, and let yourself be walked over.

Answer 6

Communication! It's the secret to all relationships. Don't be frightened of being honest about how you feel, sit him down and have a chat, explain how you feel, but remember to consider what you say and how it might sound to you if the shoe was on the other foot? Secret number two is... always give more than you take in a relationship! Be patient, we all have bad days.... thats what makes the good days even better!

Answer 7

HONEY YOU NEED TO SET SOME BOUNDRIES. YOU SIT HIM DOWN AND LAY OUT THE GROUND RULES. IF HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU ANYMORE THAN THAT THEN START INVADING HIS PRIVACY AND SEE IF THAT WON'T AT LEAST OPEN HIS EYES UP TO THE BEAUTY OF A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS A COUPLE AND ALSO 2 INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE. YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL AND DESERVE JUST YOUR OWN DOWN TIME. DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR. UNPLUG THE PHONE. THEY WILL GET THE MESSAGE. THEN TALK TO HIM WHEN YOU BOTH ARE COMFORTABLE AND ALONE. SEE IF THAT WON'T WORK FOR YOU. IF NOT LET ME KNOW AND I WILL HELP YOU FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. IF YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH ONE ANOTHER. THERE IS NOTHING THAT LOVE DOES NOT CONQUEOR.

Answer 8

If the two of you are living together, you have to understand that he has a life too. He has friends and family. It appears you are less social and less close to your family. Look at it this way, he could be out kattin' around instead of home with you, and including you as a part of his social circle.

Answer 9

if ur boy friend is happy by recieving his family members , u should also be equally happy ,what is the point in colouring ur hair does that make ur boy friend happy ,if u wanna live happy learn to give happiness u will get it back just the same ,u are worried only about ur hairs i think ,take that relatives with u for shopping and u can also do personal shopping side by side

Answer 10

Hmm...i know i am no Dr phil or oprah but maybe u should talk to him about this when nothing is going on...just saying that hes spending so much time with his family and friends that itsl ike your not even there, or you have to drop all your plans for him..it shouldnt be like that. and if he doesnt take in what you say, and continues to be sort of ignorant, i would leave him :s

Answer 11

talk to him and tell him to tell the family that they need to call to make sure you are available for company first and not just show up if this is going to be a problem for him then you have 2 choices, stay and deal with it or leave and tell him why...