My ex is ill and needs looking after, should I?

Question

My ex, whom I divorced over two years ago for Mental cruelity, is recovering from an operation and only has a large, family size, caravan to live in, which is 35+ miles from the town where me and the kids live. My 5 kids are 17 - 26, two live with me and my partner. I have been doing my ex's washing for sometime due to his circumstances. I have 3 days off and my partner had arranged two of those days off to spend some time together. My kids and ex do not approve of my partner so if I go to help out he cannot come. What do I do as I am expected to sleep there too, although we will have my youngest daughter with us

Answer 1

No.. if you start to help him he is going to start abusing you again, soon as he is up to it.

Leave him and remember all that cruelty you went through with him.

"what goes around comes around" Pay back time has arrived for him.

Answer 2

This is a tough situation only because he is your kids father,but as you stated your kids are grown.You left this guy because of mental cruelty,well it seems to me that you are still being used by him.Which is still mental abuse.Your kids are old enough that they can help out their father,he doesn't need you.
especially if they don't want your partner to be there,I mean your partner arranged time off to spend time with you,and if you choose to spend that time with your ex it's like slapping your partner in the face.
If it was me I would tell my ex sorry but I've moved on with my life and I have priorities and they do not involve him.
He and your kids might be mad for awhile but they will get over it or they wont.Your kids are grown,you have your own life,but you wont if you keep spending all this time with your ex.

Answer 3

he's doing it again honey and your kids aren't helping you. they are old enough to look after him without your help. he's their dad but nothing to do with you. you responsibility ended with the end of the marriage. Now you sound like a very loving and caring person and that's probably one of the things your partner loves about you but don't be a martyr or you'll ruin your relationship and your health. you've done your bit for the kids and you'll always be there for them. this is your time. unless you beat up the ex and put him in hospital it's not your business how he lives. As for you sleeping there..do what? That's so inappropriate! Have you got a death wish or something? Wake up to the fact that you're being played and take care of you.

Answer 4

No. There is too much that's unclear-sounding , all around. You sound like you are still "hooked in". What "circumstances"? Why are you the "only one" who can help?? And why is your ex, *abusive *, husband, dictating the terms of any help you may have the extraordinary grace to offer? Surely it's not for him to approve, or disapprove, of ANYTHING you do now.There are not enough (if any) clear boundaries here. In short, you may have broken up in theory, but you haven't entirely let go.He is still trying to control you, and you still have a foggy idea of your own freedom. . He WILL get on, all by himself--you watch. It's amazing how resourceful people like that are, when it comes down to it. Be decent and kind, by all means.But from afar.Cut the chord. Good luck.

Answer 5

Loyalty and sympathy are two things, but your life and your sanity are more important. You should not go over to your ex. If he requires your help, let it be in the daytime with a couple of your children only.

Secondly, do not allow your ex to kill your future by poisoning your kids about your ex.

Finally, if everyone is not for your current partner, you may want to mull over what they are saying.

Answer 6

If you do not have kids with this man, then I would say no. But if you do, then I would say you do have a small obligation to take care of him. Yeh, he may have hurt you in the past but forgive and forget. Two wrongs don't make a right and you should not let him suffer because you are still hung up on the past. He is still a human being.

Answer 7

You don't owe anything to your ex, but I'm sure you still will always care. First thing is to look at the best interest of the kids, who are almost grown. Are you the only one who can care for him? Maybe he has other family as you are trying to move on with your life, which is OK!

Answer 8

Are you nuts?Your partner must be too.You divorced this creature for mental cruelty,his present circumstances,should not concern you.Let the children visit him,as he is their father.It doesn't matter whether he approves of your partner or not,it's none of his business.Doing his washing?Unbelievable.I think your partner should leave,as you obviously still have strong feelings for your ex.Has your partner no pride?

Answer 9

Your ex and kids want you to live at ex's house and help while her recovers...but they give you orders in your life about your new boyfriend??????

Perhaps the hospital should provide care to come in the home...or the older kids can look after him. If this comes inbetween your new relationship I would not do it. Encourage the older kids to help out. This is rediculous!

Answer 10

Dont let him put the burden onto you other people can help him like social services, stop doing his washing homehelp can do that he should be entilted if he lives alone and cant get around because of anmedical condition. leave him and you may regret it

Answer 11

You're a better person than I am. I wouldn't even do his laundry, much less be a care-giver to someone who has been abusive to you. Live your life, your new life with your partner. That wouldn't make you selfish. Don't me a martyr.