Since my mom died, I find myself to be very angry. How do I combat this anger?

Question

I get angry and frustrated now much more than I did before my mom died. I have no patience and everything gets to me. I don't know what to do. I know that it upsets the people who care about me to see this behavior, but I don't know how to handle all my anger. How can I work through this and calm down when I am all worked up. I am already in a support group for people who've lost a parent. I just want some strategies for calming myself when I get angry and frustrated.

Thank you all for answering, but what I was really looking for was strategies to deal with anger and calm down, not reassurance that I am normal or to turn to religion.

Answer 1

My husband died suddenly 3 weeks ago, my Mom died when I was 17. Sometimes I feel anger at others because "their"life goes on as if nothing happens. You jump between feeling of "its not fair", "why me" why Her" . I look at others who are older then my husband (he was only 53) and I hate them. I find my self despising the laughter I hear.....ok, so what do I do....

I pour my self a glass of wine and cry about the things I couldn't or didn't change. I tell my self it could be worse. (Like the mom who lost her husband and 5 kids in a car crash) I convince my self that Everyone looses someone at sometime.
When you feel angry tell the people around you (for me its my 3 year old daughter) that you need a second to refocus. Its selfish to take out your anger on others so just take a lot of deep breaths and remember...your anger is not going to make you or anyone around you feel any better. If your on the phone, just tell them you have to go and will talk later.

Good luck....I know where you are coming from.

Answer 2

I haven't been unfortunate enough to lose my mother, so I can't say I know what you are going through, but I know what it is like to be so upset about something that it makes you feel so angry all of the time about anything and everything. I also remember how bad I felt afterwards when I realised what I was doing to the people around me. So my advice to you is when something is making you feel angry, just stop doing everything and just think "OK so I could get worked up about this and just end up making myself feel worse in the long run or I could think what it actually is that is making me worked up and deal with it" at first you will not feel like doing this you will just want to get angry as usual, but trust me most of the time the things that make us angry are silly and not worth getting worked up about, so a lot of stress could be avoided by thinking about what would be the best way of doing something.
Also, afterwards if you know you have hurt someone then always say sorry, it does seem stupid sometimes but in the long run will make you feel better. I also found it very useful to write a diary at the end of each day, so that you can release all of the bad emotions that you have been carrying around all day. My last tip is to take up a new hobby, something you are interested in, so you have something you enjoy doing to give you some quiet time as a break from normal life. These are things I did and found helpful, hopefully they will help you two.

Answer 3

The first question you should ask yourself is,would your Mum appriciate your tempers,if no then you should Honour her by been the way you are when she was,Secondly Mke a photo album with the snaps taken at events that you were most happy with your Mum and evry time the feeling odf dispair ,and anger come then sit down and open your mind to the fond memories .Secondly get a hobby or sport that will take your free time.Have a programm to keep.Best of luck

Answer 4

I lost my mom 10 years ago and I still feel sad and somehow angry with myself for 2 reasons, first, maybe I was not so good to her as I should be, and gave her more love and care, second, I feel I didn't fight with doctors to get a better treatment, but when I think about it i realize that is the destiny, she got a cancer and when we took her to the doctor was too late, we did our best, and about love and care, human relations have ups and downs, so we don't have to blame ourselves.

Answer 5

It can't be changed overnight. Try to rationalize your loss that you are not alone in this suffering. Accept that death is inevitable. Any two people are gonna part ways one day or the other, be it parents, spouse, friend or children. These are to help your subconscious mind.

To change your mind from ruminating about the loss, involve yourself busily in work (physical/mental) or some entertainment. Also, you can try to empathize with people at whom you are venting your anger at. After all, they don't deserve it.

Answer 6

honestly speakin there is nothing wrong with u trust me :) you had a terrible loss friend and no matter what it'll be with you thruout, as far as your anger is concerned just try this.. everytime you feel that you are gettin angry or frustrated just wait for sum time b4 makin any move or talkin to any1 in this way u'll test ur patience and will enhance ur ability 2 control urself...
try this 1ce shud help...its wel said when u fear sumthng look into the eyes of wat scares you..take care!

Answer 7

well was very angry once to not sure at what tho others me verything so then one day i went to my basement left all the lights off and thought to myself and as i sat there i cryed and i just sat becouse there no one can see the pain you feel and no one can give you there fake pitty then later on i started doing breathing excercies those help a lot to the one that helps me the most is long breath inword then as your slowly breathing out close your eyes

Answer 8

I m sorry but such feelings develop if you think that it was only your mom that understands you and cares for you. But there are others there for you like best friends...Believe in God he realy comforts you.If you do not have a good friend just write what you feel and think. Remeber we all are going to die some day .

Answer 9

You do just what you said. you work through it. What you're feeling is normal.... It gets easier with time.

Answer 10

Pay your attention to those whom your mother loved. Your brothers, sisters and your own children deserve your love.