anyone can tell me nice short jokes.. thank you?

Answer 1

Two guys walk into a bar, which is pretty stupid, you'd think after the first guy walked into it the second guy would have seen it....

Answer 2

Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?
Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads?
Why can't liquor freeze?
If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down?
How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age?


Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?
Who was in the kitchen with Dina?
Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?
Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?
How old does something have to be to become an antique?
Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework?
Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on?
Do babies produce more spit than adults?
How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
Do cows have calf muscles?
Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not?
If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?
If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?
Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?
Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot?
Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?
Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

Answer 3

A couple of my favorite shorts

2goats broke into a movie theater, and started munching on films.
goat1: How's the movie?
goat 2: It's ok. I like the book better.


2hydrogen atoms walk down the street.
H1: I think I lost my electron
H2: Are you sure?
H1: I am positive.

Answer 4

Why where the Native Americans first in the USA? ...They had reservations...
You want to hear a long joke now?
Jooooooooooooooke
Too Lame sorry :(

Answer 5

Once, a young guy wanted to become a writer, he used to tell tht he wanted to write somethng
which makes ppl yell,cry,moan,squall,shout.
Now he is working as error message writer in Microsoft!!!!!!

Answer 6

this one's a bit lengthy, but funny.

in church, the preacher asked "how many of you are willing to forgive your enemies?" about 85% raised their hands. the preacher asked again and everyone raised their hands except one little old lady. the preacher asked, "Ms Jones, arent you willing to forgive your enemies?" ms jones said, "I dont have any enemies" then the preacher said, "pleese come up here" she went to the front of the church. the preacher asked her age and she told him 98. so he asked "how does a person live to be ninety eight without having enemies. the little old lady then said," I outlived the biches."

Answer 7

So these two goldfish were in a tank, and the one turns to the other and asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Answer 8

Why did the Pollock die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.

Answer 9

what did the beaker say to the test tube?

''dont u think there is chemistry between us?''


do u like this joke?i made it myself.

Answer 10

Hi.. Hello..Bye.