How do I get over the sudden tragic death of my husband?

Question

My husband died on 6/18 of septic shock. He was not sick until Friday the 16th. I came home and he was in bed and hurting. He works in a hot factory so I thought he was in heat stroke and dehydrated. I took him to the local hospital and they air lifted him to st louis. The sight I saw when I arrived at the hospital was something no person should have to see. He was bloated up and had tiny blood clots all over which slowly turned his face and body black. The doctors tried everything they could but it just wasn't enough. he died that sunday on fathers day. I cannot get over this. I cry all of the time and just cannot get motivated to do anythning. To make matters worse I have adhd and bi-polar disorder. Does anyone have any tips to help me get on with my life and atleast accept the fact that he is gone??

Answer 1

You will not find an easy answer here. I can't even begin to understand all the hurt you must feel, but you can make it through this. You need close friends to lean on and a lot of time to heal. You need to be able to express whatever you feel openly -- maybe even go see a counseler. It sounds like you've been through a lot and my heart goes out to you. Be strong, but don't bottle up your feelings. You will be okay.

Answer 2

So sorry for your loss. Its a pain only others who have lost someone close that can be understood. As time goes by, you will cope better. For the moment grieve and help heal yourself. Concentrate on the good times you shared. Don't hold it in, talk to friends, though they will likely find it difficult to talk about as death is not a topic many people can handle well.

If you are on treatment for bipolar, then make sure you keep up your medication, this is important, not for just the times you may think you need it, but all the times as prescribed by you physician.

Wish you well, best of luck.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wouldn't want to imagine going through what you are going through right now. I agree that finding a support group would be a very good decision. Talk to you doctors. With other problems, he may want to watch you very closely for a while, maybe even try some anti-depressants. They are slow to work, but give them time. Did you have children? Call them often, through the rough times, hopefully they will understand and be supportive. Use friends as sounding boards. I lost my mother recently (well, almost a year ago) and it was tremendously hard on my 8-year old daughter. My mother was her world. Spoiling her. She would have moved in with her had I let her. What helped her was just remember the good times. Go through your photo albums and laugh at the funny things and the fun times you had. Talk about him. Heck, talk to him. And always remember, its okay to just grab his old shirt or his pillow and cry. It's okay to be angry, just don't hurt yourself or someone else. Just take one day at a time. Set small goals for each day, not even for a week at a time. Make sure you remember to eat. Make yourself get out of the house every day, even if it just to get the mail, or go to the grocery store. And if you have grandkids (now or later), remember to tell them about him. Don't be afraid to say I can't it, I need professional help before you do anything drastic. May God bless....

Answer 4

I have no words to describe how sorry I am. Try to get some counseling. You need to be able to talk to some professionals and to other people who have gone through what you just did. Also make sure to stay on your meds. The last thing you need right now is to have depression from the bi-polar too. Just keep in mind that he would want you to have a good life. So try to make that happen and get help now.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a support group in your area of people in similar circumstances.

Noone follows the same pattern in grief.

Time neither "heals all wounds" nor "wounds all heals" unfortunately. However life can go on for you.

Please be gentle and easy with yourself. If you want to cry, then cry, if you feel angry, then feel your anger. There is no "should do..." nor "should feel..." feel what you feel and just try to take one day, one hour, one minute at a time...

Remember you are not the only person who feels like this, but you are special and important and what you are thinking and feeling is special and important.

Some things that have helped me with grief and lonliness and anger are... visiting special places, including the cemetary... going to a beautiful lookout and then doing some private screaming... cleaning furiously... sitting and looking at photos... talking to other people that knew my loved one; both about our shared memories and about completely unrelated topics... reading poems... writing poems and stories...

good luck sweetie. take care of your self.

Answer 6

You never get over it, but time will make the memory less powerful. My husband shot himself. My middle son at 13 years old heard the shot and found him. He is now adhd and bipolar, ptsd and mildly retarded. Prior to this, my son was only hyperactive, but after loads of talk therapy and some medication therapy and finally a special school for 15 months, we are beginning to see improvement. The important thing is get help and find a support group!

Answer 7

Well, you could occupy yourself in finding out how this happened. Someone must be guilty of neglect. Was this work related? Not enough info really to say much. I'm sorry for your loss, but there's got to be something you can do to make it so it doesn't happen to someone else. It would get your mind occupied too. Good luck, Ron

Answer 8

It's going to be a long while before you're okay again. Rely on your friends and family and they can help you through such a difficult time.

I'm sure this means nothing, but I'm very sorry for your loss. No one should have to suffer this. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

I wish I could help, but I just wanted to say something I noticed.

Right now you might think of him and cry out of sadness and pain, but some day in the future you will think of him and laugh or cry out of elation and love! A great feeling!

- be strong and be fair to yourself. good luck.

Answer 10

Find a support group. Other people's experiences can help you find ways to continue on. Ask your doctor for help. Do you have a work-provided counseling service?