New Rule #1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates. Com! There's a reason I didn't talk to them for 25 years. Because I didn't particularly like them!
Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule #2: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull.
People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, the chili costs less than a dollar.
What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule #3: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged.
I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule #4: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows:
do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule #5: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water,
but without that watery taste.
Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water?
Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule #6: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.
If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf Grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule #7: Girls, just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. Come on, it's right above the crack of your *** and it translates to "beef with broccoli."
The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.
You're not spiritual. You were just high when you picked it out.
New Rule #8: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins.
ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating,
because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting.
What's next, competitive farting?
Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule #9: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows,
then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens.
Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule #10: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings.
Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab.
Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule #11: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.
After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael.
I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish.
I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule #12: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months."
"He's two," will do just fine.
He's not a cheese.
And I didn't really care in the first place.
2006-06-26 17:30:59 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
You know some people will get a laugh about this.......but this actually says wut i feel.....lol
2006-06-26 17:39:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 14⤊ 6⤋
Amen
2006-06-26 17:34:12 · answer #2 · answered by G. M. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thankyou for saying what the rest of the idiots in the world don't know how to say.lol.
2006-06-26 18:51:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a question but some descent points.
2006-06-26 17:35:30 · answer #4 · answered by manthamanthers 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes! These were awesome! I especially love the one about the eyebrows, I always get crap for not plucking mine to death. Thanks for the laugh.
2006-06-26 17:37:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very true.
Although, 2006 is halfway over...
2006-06-26 17:37:22 · answer #6 · answered by Izzpuppy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't care how old my toddler is then don't ask!
2006-06-26 18:01:58 · answer #7 · answered by Attysholl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lmao hehe that was great you're amazing!!!! check ya later ♥
2006-06-26 17:45:29 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think ur really opinianated and thats awesome.
2006-06-26 17:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Awesome!!! Now what is your question!
2006-06-26 17:34:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some of that is so true.
2006-06-26 17:36:31 · answer #11 · answered by Listamato 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋