What are some good jokes?

Question

no crappy jokes real funny 1s only

Answer 1

Long? Short? Yo momma? Um... Here I go (insulting? adult?) :
Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: June 26, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
Teh funny right?

Answer 2

After escaping a bombing raid, an Al Qaida member escaped from the mountains and started walking through the night in the desert. At daybreak, with the temp at 115 degrees, he was dehydrated and exhausted. He looked in the distance and saw what looked like a man sitting at a table. After a two hour walk, he came upon the man, an elderly Jewish fellow, who was sitting at a card table with neckties displayed on it. The terrorist asked if he could get some water but the Jewish man said he had no water, but could sell him a nice tie. The Al Qaida, getting madder, asked if the guy knew where he could get a drink of water. The Jew told him to walk east for about 3 hours and he would find a lovely restaurant and bar. About 6 hours later, the Al Qaida returned. The Jew asked if he was able to get some food and water to which the terrorist replied, "Your brother wouldn't seat me without a necktie".

Answer 3

A long time city slicker decided to move out to the country after years of the metropolis lifestyle. He was a considerably wealthy person, so he was no trouble finding a nice little ranch out in the country and buys himself a farm. The farm has everything...chickens, cows, crops, and tractors, but he's missing his favorite animal...a pig.

Eventually he locates a pig farmer who has plenty for sale. The farmer takes the city man down to the pig pen and tells him to pick a pig. He spots the one he likes, picks it, and then asks the farmer how much for it.

"'Round here, we charge by the pound...$5 per pound," says the farmer.
"So, how much does it weigh, "asks the city slicker.
"Jest a secund..."

With that, the farmer puts the pig's tail in his mouth and, straining and groaning, picks the pig up by his tail using only his teeth. He opens up, lets the pig go, and tell the city slicker, "That one's 100 pounds on the dot...$500".

Amazed, the city slicker doubts the farmer, so the farmer calls his son to bring down the scale. They get the pig up on the scale, and, lo and behold, the pig weighs exactly 100 pounds.

Mystified, the city slicker gets our 500 dollars and prepares to pay the farmer.

"Nope, don't give me that. My wife handles all the money, take it up to her...she's yonder in the house"

The city slicker goes to the house, only to return a minute later still holding his 500 dollars.

"What, you decided not to buy the pig?" asked the farmer.

"Nah," said the city slicker. "You're wife was too busy weighing the milk man".

Answer 4

I love u,I love u, I love u

dont get excited i also love the other letters like :Q-E-R-P

Answer 5

not trying to b racist cus im mexican to but, Wat do u call a mexican with out a lawn mower?
Answer: Unemployed