As a Christan step mom raising two girls myself....who look up to their Big step sister? Who dresses like a?

Question

slut at 15yrs old and wants the attention of anyone, and thinks she's better than anyone one else including us her own family. What do you suggest??? We only have her on every other weekend and her father let's her get away with murder. He doesn't want to hurt feelings and push her away.

Answer 1

He is her father and he needs to act like it. The first thing for him to do would be to talk to the girl's mother and ask her why his daughter is dressing like a sl*t. If the girl's mom won't do anything about it there isn't a whole lot you can do since you only have her a couple times a month. He can try to talk to her about how she dresses, but odds are that isn't going to help.
What you can do with your girls is sit down and talk to them about how their big step sister dresses. Don't put her down, but just explain that how she dresses isn't appropriate and just because her mom lets her do it doesn't mean that it's ok. Just be open and honest with your girls, and if you get the chance be honest with your step daughter also - if her mom doesn't care maybe it might do something if you and your husband show some love and concern as to why she dresses skimpy and wants attention.

Answer 2

If I understand your question, you're saying that your 15-year-old step daughter dresses inappropriately and is disrespectful. In your situation, the best thing you can do is set an example. I know that when I was that age, I had a step-mother and I surely didn't act in a considerate way. My step mother kept trying, she would always do nice things for me, but she never lowered her standards for her children. And she just consistently was kind and thoughtful and set a good example.
I now look back and wish I hadn't given her, and my father, such a hard time.

Also, I have a 16-year-old daughter. Her father and I are still married and when she was 15, she would oftentimes act like she thought she was better than everyone. I think it's a way that some kids try to cover their insecurities. She eventually grew out of it.
Good luck.

Answer 3

If that 15 year old girl comes to your house, you set the rules...

She stops dressing like a slut, and dresses in "normal ways" because she is an influence to your two little girls.

Just because she comes a visiting every other weekend, doesnt mean she doesnt have to follow "rules". If she thinks she is "too good" for you and your family, then maybe you should stop the visits, because she is a bad influence on your other children!

She can get attention, by dressing properly in your house and following the rules. Take her to Church, and not in the "outfits" that arent fit for being around Christian males...

She should "not" be a spectacle that will turn heads and put other things in the minds of young men, who are in church. Get that straight to your daughters brain...

And if your husband is willing to let her get away with this, then you lay down the law that he should let his "other daughters" dress like a slut, and copy her... And THEN see how he feels about it!!

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 4

She already has hurt feelings, so as a Christian step mom perhaps you could drop some of the attitude toward her, which shows in the numerous asterisks. How about just accepting her "unconditionally"? We have had 28 of other peoples kids live in our home. Many were throw aways, booted from their homes, lived under bridges, two were sent to my home by teachers who knew they were homeless. Some who dressed differently, with peircings and tatoos and attitudes. First I find out what they love to eat and I cook it frequently. Second, I pray for them everyday, but I don't push "what I think" down their throats. Everyone of them had a step-someone in their lives, including my own kids (7). Guess what, they have all grown up and range from 17-37. Everyone of them turned out to have great value. You have a choice, you can love her or cause her to hate you, either way, your girls are watching. Why not relax and drop the criticism.

Answer 5

Well the way someone dresses shouldn't be an issue. A man in a suit can shoot you. A man in rags can pull you out of a burning car. Teenagers dress strangely nowadays. Way back when skirts that went above the knees were considered too short. It's all a matter of perspective and looking at the times we live in with an open mind. Remember Matthew 7:1.

You're husband really needs to talk to her about respecting others. If you put up with that attitude then that will just encourage her to continue. Teenagers aren't fully emotionally developed and hormonal changes can create some bad behavior/decisions.

I looked up to my big brother who was just load of trouble, but I learned respect and patience from my parents (whether I knew it or not at the time).

Oh, and you can talk to her too (preferably alone). Try not to talk to her in a judgmental or adversarial way otherwise she just get defensive. Try to talk to her like you would like her to talk to you. And don't raise your voice, because then she will, and when two people yell no one listens. That's my two cents.

Answer 6

I would let the dad intervene. If she didnt want to respect the rules of your house then maybe tough love would make her realize. He cannot let her go wild out of fear of pushing her away. All that is doing is allowing her to think her behavior is acceptable. I would sit down with him and explain my side. Its a hard situation. If it came down to it, since you are the mom of the other 2 children, I would tell the 15 year old she is no longer allowed around my kids until she can be a positive influence. Good luck.

Answer 7

well, it's not your job to discipline her. You said it yourself that her father lets her get away with murder. that's cause he feels guilt.

You can't fault her, she's only a child and that's unfair. You need to have the conversation with her father and let him know that discipline AND boundaries are healthy for a child.

If you have an attitude with her, it's only going to cause her lots of issues so that would be unfair to do to her considering you;re the adult. Remember, she is a child who is going through a rough time. It is not easy to bounce around from house to house and to have your home broken. So be empathetic and compassionate and understand that the fact that her father (and probably mother) don't set any boundaries for her says to her that they don't care about her. That is what she's feeling deep down and she's trying to cope with it in her 15 year old mind. Their minds are not developed like ours.

Teach the father, not the child.

Answer 8

I don't know any parent who loves the way their teen dresses....or their hair style.........or that they want to get some body part pierced.......or what ever the latest fad is.
Many parents who are divorced feel responsible and guilty. They want to be a little less of the enforcer of rules.
I would suggest doing nothing to the teen. She is a teen and those years are hard. However, with your children talk to them about how important the choices that they make are, why you won't allow them to act or dress that way, etc.

Answer 9

She is probably just rebelling against her circumstances. The harder you push her, the worse she will get.
Try to ease up, and don't give her a hard time about her dress code. Once she finds a decent boyfriend, those clothes could easily become history.
It's a tough age, and she's a product of divorce, and I am sure that adds to her feeling of being abandoned.

Answer 10

You cant really control how he chooses to handle his daughter. All you can do is set the standards for your own. I battle this regularly with my 12 yr old trying to "fit in" and dress like many of the girls her age and older. I dont approve and I wont have my 12 yr old trying to look like she is 16. Convey to your girls that appearances do count to a point and you dont want them projecting themselves in that manner. Stick to your guns, believe in the standards you have set and i wish you the best of luck!