Help 4 yr old twins out of control in public!?

Question

My 4 yr old daughters are so sweet most of the time, but in public situations they have a tendency to freak out. Like in church, we have had to chase them up and down the aisles in the middle of a service. In the library they can be quiet, but the minute one of them starts to get loud the other joins in. Some people have told me that they just need to be disiplined, but I do that on a regular basis with time outs. I have had help from speech therapists and behavioral therapists, but they seem to behave better in such a setting. I'm afraid they will need medication, or should I question my mothering abilities in regards to discipline. It seems that teaching a child not to run around during a church service would be an easy thing to do. Hey, try chasing two children going in different directions, wearing heels. I've stopped wearing heels for that very reason. Running shoes to chruch. It's come to that. I don't want to stop going to church.

Answer 1

One thing that worked with my boys....... I would just pick them up quietly and walk straight out the door and sit them on the step until they calmed down. Do not get tense or upset with them, or at least do not let them know that you are. Stay calm on the outside. They are feeding off of you despair. They know what the proper behavior should be but they enjoy the extra attention that they get from you when they are bad. When you have them outside do not talk to them other than to tell them that when they behave you will take them back in. Do not allow them to talk to eachother or any one else. If my boys were really on a roll I would make them set n the step with their head down.

Answer 2

Perhaps you should determine why, though they are well behaved in normal circumstances, become terrors in public. Perhaps they enjoy the attentions (albeit negative), or maybe they are acting out their dislike of that place.

My kids would never sit still in a church service for more than 2 minutesm and I think that you are maybe being a little unreasonable by expecting them to do so. My kids know that it is a priveledge to go tot the services with one of us (we take turns) and that they have to earn it. Earning it also involves showing us that they can sit quietly and behave during the service. I never take them together - they then have each other as buffers for mischeif making. I usually take some books for them to read to help them fulfill the requirements of being quiet - a very hard thing indeed. You might want to stop going and make out like it is a punishment and that they can go when they can prove to you how good they are etc etc. The same thing goes with shopping, restaurants, etc. They have to prove that they can behave in a manner which is appropriate for the setting.

You also have to make sure that your expectations are resonable. My kids will sit for only so long, and then they need to run around. I tend to sit in the back, and make a getaway when I see that they are getting antsy.

Igonore what other people say to you about discipline - you know your kids best. Act with you instincts and always have the kids as top priority.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Why doesn't your church have a nursery? If so, use it. If not, hire a sitter. Where's Dad to help you?

You said in your question that people told you your kids need discipline; BELIEVE IT! Time outs obviously aren't working. Yes, you should question your abilities in regards to discipline, perhaps take a parenting class. You need to set boundaries and limits, say what you mean and mean what you say!!!

The moment, the absolute moment, your child misbehaves go home! Then send them to their room without toys or video games or TV and tell them until they learn how to behave in public, they cannot go out in public.

Do not reward them for their bad behavior. You've had these girls for almost five years get a handle on it, now or you'll be sorry when these princesses are teens.

A favorite quote of my step-mom, "If you don't want them to do it tomorrow, don't let them do it today."

You're the parent. Act like one.

Answer 4

When you say "we" have had to chase them........good.at least you have help.Here is what I would do...
I would tell daughter a, that daughter b and whoever is bringing her will meet us in church because you have to do something first.(if you only have 1 car make it close to the church)..Let the person that is bringing daughter B know that they will be sitting up in front, and that you and daughter A will be in the back .Try to plan it so that many people are in church and that daughter B won't see you and A when you get there...Then at the end of church, you can pretend that you got things goofed up, but that the service was nice...(let each girl take a doll to hold) or buy each child a little book about Jesus that they can each take..And I would get a childs bible and read a bible story to them each night before bed....(only 1 because it will stay in their heads) good luck

Answer 5

Hey, dont go to hard on yourself no matter what anyone says to you. Every parent out there is winging it...ya know, learning by experience. I myself have twins that are 3 1/2, boy and girl....only one of them is outta control, but he is outta control EVERYWHERE! I know I am not a bad parent, which you arent either, just goin about the wrong wat dealing with his attitude. I dont know if this will help but I have noticed that when I yell I get the screaming attitude that wants his own way, but when I ask him nicely and add be a good boy it gets more positive results. Example: Will you go and throw that in the garbage for mommy like a good boy? And I get a good boy...not 100% of the time, but 85%, and that is pretty good dealing with my son...lol....Now about the whole church situation, have you attempted to take things away that they like for a certain period of time? One thing I do know is you cant threaten them with things that you will not do, cause chances are they wont do it to 100% of the way you wanted and then they see that they still have what you threatened to remove....and being that both of our twins are older, they KNOW...I swear they keep score cards or their memories are so good that they better be GENIUSES....lol.... Do they like goint to aunt's houses, grandmas, grandpas? One thing that worked when I was a child....which I was older than 4 when my mother implemented it, was called a NO list....everytime we didnt listen or behaved badly...anything wrong, my mom would put a check under our names...so then every time we wanted something special or wanted to go somewhere and we'd ask, she would check the no list, and if there was any, she would say you cant, you have no's...and she would mark one off because we had asked for something....we would do special chores or something to get a few extra marked off, but beside for that, we were not permitted to do or get anything out of the ordinary because of the no's we had. It worked terribly well and now that my children are getting older I am also myseld gonna by the poster paper and put all of my childrens names on it.....
I hope this helps and sorry about the book, I just know where you are coming from. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Some churches have a tot room, if not recommend it, for church. You can still hear it through the loud speaker and you could volunteer or leave them with a volunteer till service is done.

library: check with your library they have preschool times/story time.

otherwise, my son is turning 4 on July 11th and i was told he needs meds and i too tried the therapy blah blah etc, and my 2 year old needs "therapy" because she joins him but what i have found is goody bags are best and 'their size sports bottles' it keeps him busy and for extra time keep a "suprise extra bag or suprise coloring set" in the special mini backpacks or your purse.

also, i make games out what we see and try to make the items into a song or "ask his help" to find whats on mommy's special list.

its a slow process but you get them into routine and they will get used to it and actually start reminding you "did you pack my special stuff"
p.s.
1.and when that all fails or runs out remember: nursery rhymes, abcs, 123s and silly songs. its a quick distraction.

2. i also will get my daughter to stop first, yes the less dominate, why because my son just wants someone to"follow the leader" in ccase he "accidentally"gets in trouble-she did it. and when he realizes he is alone he quiets down and hides his head.

good luck and be consistent!

Answer 7

Have you tried taking only one out with you when you shop or run errands? See if that changes their behavior. You might find that they will behave when alone. If so keep them seperated during church or take them to childrens church or if they provide a "daycare" room. My church had a special room for smaller kids to play and learn while you have a quiet service upstairs.

Answer 8

It sounds like these kids want attention. And the key is your reaction to their behavior. (this is the reason little kids say bad words, because they see a reaction and they get attention for it) Another thing is that if you explain to them WHY they need to be quiet during church, and bring plenty for them to do, that will help. But it comes down to attention. Kids want it and are willing to do anything for mommy's attention (good or bad). Just act unimpressed with their BAD behavior, and praise them for GOOD behavior. I have been doing this with the kids I teach, and they have gone from little monsters to sweet helpful children who VOLUNTARILY ask if they can help clean up after church. Good luck sweetie, I know you can do this.

Answer 9

first off, they don't need medication if they can be controlled in one enviroment. as for discipline, reward them for being good, not just disciplining the for being bad. try the quiet game, and offer a reward to the winner. young children tend to be competitive. also, say they misbehave at a resturant. tell them that if they don't quiet down soon, no more going out for dinner. if they do misbehave after you say that KEEP TO YOUR WORD, and no more going out for dinner for a while. tell them if they misbeave at the dinner table, they have to eat seperately. at the end of the day, reward them if they've been good, like maybe an extra story before bed. I hope this helps, and GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

I can recommend a book to you that really helped me. Granted, I have ONE 3-year-old who "freaks out" in public like your daughters do, so I'm sure your situation is a little tougher than mine! Still, this might be a good read for you.

Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka