I have 2 kids...Help?

Question

I have 2 kids 1 boy who just turned 16 and 1 girl who is 12. They always fight! Now it goes both ways they both antagonize eachother...but i cant get it 2 stop! My12 yr. old girl feels jealous of her 16 yr. old brother because hes older than her he gets lots more privillages than her. How can i make the fighting stop and how can i make my daughter not feel as jealous of her 16 yr. old brother? Does anyone have any good advice?

Answer 1

I have a 7 yr old son and a 9 yr old daughter...an all they do is fight! LOL! It drives me absolutely crazy some, no, everyday ! I have asked the pediatrition and a councelor at school and they both gave me the same answer. They will when they are more "grown-up" meaning mature. They are trying to figure out their importantance in their own right. Where they fit into life and they are actually learning from the process. I know that it is painful and terribly disturbing, but they will grow out of it. They are learning to deal with conflicts, try to let them work things out and intervene only when necessary. I, myself, have a hard time stopping myself from telling them to "Quit it", but I am getting better. Give them some space, explain to them that there are rules to arguing...no name calling, no loud voices, they should remain calm, and talk through the situation. Compromise is the name of the game. Give it a try, they are preparing themselves to be adults. If we as parents teach them that we all must argue some times in our lives, but that there is a proper way and an inappropriate way to receive the results we want, the world just might yet become a better place. Here are some articles I found:

http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/fighting/fighting.html#anchor104643


http://members.aol.com/AngriesOut/fairfigh.htm

http://www.bartongoldsmith.com/articles/fightfair.htm

I only quickly read through each one, so I'm not sure how they differ. I searched "fighting fair", if they don't help. Good luck, and I hope that all works out well for you!! :)

Answer 2

One of the first things you can do is resolve not to involve yourself in arguments between them. Unless you are afraid they will hurt one another, let them work it out and resolve it. When a parent gets involved it is almost inevitable that they take one side, or appear to, which is just as important.
You need to talk to your 12 year old about the fact that her 16 year old bro. is just going to have different privileges than she does right now. One thing that may help is helping her enjoy her age, spend time with just her, reinforce the fun things that she gets to do, and help her feel special. Help him realize that part of being considered responsible enough for greater privileges is outgrowing antagonizing his sister.
Best of luck!

Answer 3

There's probably not a whole lot you can really do to make then stop arguing. I'm 17 and my siblings and I still argue sometimes. We're a lot better than we used to be. I really can't remember a time that we HAVE fought recently. It really just takes a little time for them to grow out of it. I'd say give her a year or two, and she won't be as jealous.

Answer 4

This is just normal teenage behavior. I don't really think there is to much that you can do about it. My sister and I are two years apart and we constantly fought. We couldn't really get along until the past couple of years. I am 28 now and she is 26, as they mature the fighting will stop, just hang in there.

Answer 5

Well, you can have a day dedicated to your daughter. Spend time with her. Make her feel that you love her more than her brother. If the brother has any problem with that, spend a day with him, but secretly, but if he doesn't mind, then your good and your problem is solved. If they keep on fighting, then you should get a person to help.

Answer 6

I KNOW HOW U FEEL. MY BROTHER AND I WERE THE SAME WAY. THIS IS WHAT MY DAD DONE TO US- HE TOOK BOTH OF US TO THE BOXING RING, PUT THE GLOVES ON US AND TOLD US NOT TO QUIT UNTIL ONE OF US GAVE UP. NEEDLESS TO SAY, WE DIDNT ARGUE ANYMORE!!

Answer 7

is ur son single?