Is this normal in Grieving?

Question

My little sister died today. she was 20lbs, and 2 years old. She had this syndrome called CDLS(cornelia de lang syndrome)., which caused her to suffer medical difficulties, delay in growth, and feeding issues. She was suppose to turn 3 this year. Her type of sickness was mutated genetics and her situation made it so she would need Home Healthcare nurses to take care of her when my parents are at work. Over her life, the sickness worsened. Lately she had been through a few seizures, lots of meds & doctors, and lots of miles on the car to different hospitals. So now that she is gone, I was sick earlier, pacing for an answer to her situation, then after the news, I was furious at God at the hospital, and now I'm quite calm and knows that where she is, is the best place. My mom has come around a little but my dad is miserable and quiet. Because I know she lived a good, yet difficult life, and was loved by many. But I was wondering if my behavior is exceptional?

Answer 1

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is never easy, no matter the age of the person, or how much they may have suffered. My heart goes out to you.

To answer your question, no, not at all. Everyone grieves differently. Our son died at almost 2 months old. He never came home from the hospital, as he had a rare disease. He was incredibly "healthy" as far as preemies go (he could breathe on his own, and was feeding at first...the doc would've sent him home before he was diagnosed, except he needed transfusions), but his disease had given him no chance for survival.

The day he passed away (in my arms), we came home from the hospital and had people over that night. We just couldn't be alone. We ended up laughing and talking...and it was good to get our minds off of it. Of course, the bad days did come...they still do. But one thing I have learned is that you need to let yourself feel what you are feeling. God knows I wasn't exactly happy with Him for awhile, but we're slowly working through that. My son was a very courageous fighter, and I know he would want me to be happy, so I try not to feel guilty. He knows how much his mommy loved him, and he knows I think of him every single day. Don't be surprised if your feelings change...if some days are worse than others...if you find that though you are doing well now, you "get worse" later on. Grief is a roller coaster.

Good luck to you, and God bless you.

Answer 2

You are feeling what most people go through after a death ion the family. My grandfather passed away less than a month ago. I know he lived a full life now and he is a better place than lying in a hospital bed in a coma but when I found out he was taken off the ventalator I was so mad at God and eveyone around me that he had to be taken from my life. I only had 16 years with him... I have the rest of my life without him it wasnt fair at all. But I came around.. as everyone usually does. I still miss him more than anything and I think about him randomly and smile and get upset.. but the point of this is that its normal to feel the way you are and though it may not seem like it.. Life will go on and you and your family will find a new normal to life by. I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

First, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I can't even imagine losing a sibling. It sounds like you are handling it really well though. Your family is all grieving in different ways, and you have to do what is best for you. Some people cry, some are depressed, some think of the wonderful times they had with that person and are quite calm and with peace about the whole thing. I've learned through losing family members and friends that there is no one way to grieve, and everyone will in the end do what is best for them and take the time they need to get over it. Allow your emotions in, talk to people if you have to, write your thoughts down, anything you can to address what you're feeling, and don't let anyone make you feel bad or guilty about how you're responding to this tragic event. Only you know what is best for you.

Answer 4

First off, I am very sorry for your loss. Second, you are dealing with this just like every other person that has lost someone very close would. I know what it's like and it is hard..very hard. You feel as though God took her away from you and don't understand why He would do anything like that. Things happen for a reason. Somehow or another your family will survive this and bring you closer together...but communication needs to be there. Help your parents by just being there...let them understand how you are feeling too. Death is always painful because you never forget, but you are very right about your sister being in a better place! She is probly looking down from heaven right now wishing for you not too be so sad. God took her to avoid complications in her life and you should try to look at it as God's way of not making her want to suffer. I hope you the best of luck! Blessed Be and God Bless!

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to read about your loss, everybody grieves in their own differnt way. There is never a wrong way to show how you feel when a loved one has passed. But be assure, honey she is indeed in a better place where, the tiny little girl will no longer have to suffer while being on this earth. Rest assure, she is watching every move you make and your parents. You sound like a very intelligent person, maybe you can do a little speaking in public about this type of syndrom. God bless you sweetheart , and your parents.

Answer 6

You have been through a lot. Your behavior is very normal. It's normal to be angry, scared, sad...just about every feeling is normal in times of grief even the feeling of relief. Many people get physically sick when they hear about the death of a loved one.

There are five stages of grief, not everyone goes through them but this may help you know what to expect. Some may have occured before your dear sister died, because you probably knew how sick she was. Denial (oh, she's made it through 1000 times, she will be fine this time, too), Anger, Bargaining (God, if you save my sister, I'll go to church everyday), Depression, then acceptance. I'll be honest. It wil be hard for a while. You should try to find an adult you can confide in because your parents are grieving too, perhaps a counselor or psychologist.

Don't let anyone tell you not to cry if you need to. Don't hold your feelings inside. While there always will be an emptiness, your sister (if you believe in these things) is up in Heaven playing. She's not in any pain and she finally gets what she deserves. My uncle died this month and it helps me to think of him fishing with my grandpa, then I usually feel a lot better.

You might want to try journaling or even writing a letter to your baby sister. It will help you get your feelings out. They have lots of grief support groups and even summer camps for teenagers going through grief which might be a good option for you.

This will be tough, but you can survive.

Answer 7

I'm very sorry about your sister. That's really sad. Everyone grieves in their own ways, and there is no "normal" or right or wrong way to grieve. It sounds like with your sister's condition, your family has probably been through some stages of grief, so your reactions at this stage are very reasonable. I'm sure that you will all have a variety of feelings and emotions. Also, know that God is big enough to handle our anger, and there is nothing wrong with being angry at God for such an unfair situation. The Psalmist and Job, too often cried out to God in anger and pain.
I hope that your family will draw together during this time, and my hopes and prayers are for comfort and peace for you all.

Answer 8

Everybody is different in their ways of grieving. When you come to accept that your loved one is gone, there will be different ways that you show it, just as the ways that you loved your person was different from the next person. Your behaviour is probably shared by many around the world, but the person next to you grieving might not be similarily grieving.

I recently lost a very good friend to a car accident. He had just turned 14 when his father slipped on the road and sent the car into a tree. Around me, there were people crying or people stoically standing there. It was so different. I still haven't really come to a head with his death, but I have to get over it.

Just between you and me, you can see how different grieving can be. But there will be people who share your way of grieving. I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved little sister.

Answer 9

Your behavior was normal. I am so sorry for the lose of your sister. I have lost my mother a couple of years ago in November, and, at the wake and the funeral, everyone commented on how strong I was. But, deep inside, I was in more shock then ever. Reality hit me after the phone calls stoped, the flowers and cards stop coming. Life had to go on. It has to; and so do I.
Everyone has their own way of grieving. Why your sister had to go so early? Because, it was her time. And only He knows why.
Once again, I am sorry about the death of your sister.

Answer 10

You are showing some very mature behavior. It's very difficulty when someone you love dies. Everyone acts differently, and there is no right way to behave. The only thing that would be considered to be a wrong way to grieve would be to hurt other people to make yourself feel better.