We are in a very serious relationship and I wanted to know about her sexual past because I was a virgin. She's had 7 or 8 different sexual partners before me. A lot of them are one night stands, two of them are from relationships she's had, one of them was serious. She had sex with two different guys in one night at different times during the night and this leads to my big problem. We do have unprotected sex (shes on the pill), and please don't lecture me on why I shouldn't have unprotected sex. She told me I was the only one that she's had unprotected sex with, which really made me feel special.However, I had a feeling that she was lying. Anyway, I asked her about it and she did lie to me. I figured it was with the guy she had a serious relationship with, but it was with one of the two guys she had sex with that one night. It was over a year ago, and we've been together for a while,I just can't get her sexual past out of my mind.Its with me everytime I get mad at her.what should I do?
2006-06-26 14:13:32 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do love her.. a lot...She told me she didn't want to tell me because she didn't want to hurt me, but lying to me about it is even worse... If she would have told me, I wouldn't have had unprotected sex with her, I am clean or so I hope.. but I guess I should get checked now just in case.. and I'll have her come with me... If we are together that is... The thing is we already talked about it but It didn't even occur to me that she could have an STD from that random guy she decided to have unprotected sex with.. It breaks my heart that she lied to me about that, it's downright stupid to have unprotected sex with a stranger... ugh....So how do I bring this up in convo again without turning it into a huge fight...?
2006-06-26 14:37:14 · update #1
That's a tough one. I had a similar thing happen with my husband when we met. We had both had unprotected sex with previous long term partners, so when we decided to do it too I asked him about his sexual health. He told me he had nothing, but it turns out he lied. So I go the same thing.
It made me really angry and I told him this, because to me it should be my choice to expose my body to these things or not. Eventually I got over it by rationalizing that I really do love this guy and he accepts he did the wrong thing and understands why I was so upset. Seeing as I decided to spend the rest of my life with him, I would have had to be exposed to his STD at some point anyway, so I got over it.
In the meantime for you this is very tough though. I think you are doing the right thing by going to the doctor together, and maybe the doctor will stick up for your right to know a true sexual history for the sake of your health.
The biggest issue for you now it to decide wether you can trust her again. There are plenty of couples out there that have had trust issues in the past and have resolved them. But it comes down to the individual.
Is she really sorry for doing it, or do you suspect she may lie to you again?
And do you think that you will be able to completely forgive her in the future?
If so, then I think you should work through this and maybe end up like me, happily married. If you can't completely forgive her and trust her again, I think it's time to move on. You can't have a healthy relationship with a lack of trust, and it's not fair to bring up the past every time you fight.
Good luck.
2006-06-26 15:03:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first, you both should go together to get checked for an STD... that would be a little weight off of your shoulders. Second, majority of girls lie about their sex life, I'm a female - I know, it's kind of embarrassing. The truth came out, like it always will, and it's something you're going to have to deal with if you really and truley love her. Everybody knows something bad about their significant others' past, and it's always going to come out in an argument, it's human nature. All in all just do what your heart tells you to do, it is always right. Good luck.
2006-06-26 14:22:12 · answer #2 · answered by schl1276 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go get tested. She should be tested too. You never know and wouldn't want a surprise later on.
As for getting mad at her past, you just have to get over it. You can't be mad at someone for decisions they made before they even knew you. I take it you knew about these other partners before you became very serious, if it didn't bother you then why would it now? If it did bother you then you should have ended it a long time ago.
2006-06-26 14:22:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. If she felt the need to lie to you about it, then I can understand why this is weighing on your mind. Is it the sex you're upset about or is it the lying? I can relate to you here, I had a guy I was seeing lie to me about sex, and when it came out, I had to walk away. It wasn't the sex I was hurt by, it was that he lied to me. If she can't be honest with you, then you need to sit her down and talk to her. Give her a chance to come clean with no reprisals from you. If she comes clean, then she's worth getting a grip on your feelings about it. If she fights and lies, then let her go and find someone that will treat you right.
2006-06-26 14:20:27 · answer #4 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about this: If she has lied to you about how many different people she has had unprotected sex with, what else has she lied to you about?
That being said, you should try talking to her about it. Tell her that you feel hurt and betrayed because she lied to you about something so significant. You should also stop having sex with her until you can trust her again.
2006-06-26 14:19:55 · answer #5 · answered by prettycute4u62040 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you love her? i bet you make mistake before you met her? How would you feel if she juge you on those mistake, beside what she did in the pass is the pass and also look at it they way what happen in the pass also make her the way she is now and if you love or even care for her the way she is now then who cares then, also she told you the that she lied that is a big deal i'm not saying she is right or wrong but being juged is no fun on eather side. Work on it together.
2006-06-26 14:26:25 · answer #6 · answered by green78250 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, dumbA_S_S you shouldn't be mad. It's just like you slept with all her partners too, being that you indulged in unprotected sex. Did you even get tested first?
2006-06-26 14:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by They Love ME......... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are mad about nothing. because you know how she is when you first dated her. plus if she didn't has this pass experience she will not be here with you. Cause you know what will happen if she didn't break up with the other serious guy you are talking about, then she is not with you, she is with him. So let it go, and talk to her about this problem, you like her and you want to commit to the relationship. but if she doesn't want to commit, then you need to think if she is the one for you.
2006-06-26 14:20:50 · answer #8 · answered by ken401lam 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess it's hard and yes we do say things to our love ones to make them feel more special. The question is How much do you love her? If its alot you just got to let go off the past talk to her to get it out of your chest cause with you getting mad you guys are just going to have alot tension if you don't talk about.it.So Good Luck
2006-06-26 14:24:24 · answer #9 · answered by nena24 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there's really nothing u can do, it's always gonna bother u if u think about it, i know it's easier said than done but u have 2 try 2 not think about it, don't allow yourself 2 do it, think of something completely different if it happens, it's hard but the past is the past and u have 2 look towards your future with her. goodluck.
2006-06-26 14:21:29 · answer #10 · answered by D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋