Should we have a baby?

Question

I have decided that I am ready to have a baby, so I brought it to my husbands attention. He feels that we do not have enough money to have a child and give him/her everything him/her wants. Although he said if I could explain to him why I am feeling this way maybe he could understand and we would. My problem is, I don't know, it's just how I feel. I have always wanted children, i just wasn't ready, but now I know I am. I feel that we are stable enough to have a child and raise him/her to have a wonderful life. I need help putting my feelings in words, can anyone help me?

Answer 1

Some men never feel financially ready to have children. But know this; kids don't know what they don't have unless it's pointed out to them. If you have a stable marriage and a place to live and love to give (I'm a rapper!) that is all your child "needs". The kid won't know if his/her clothes are from the Gap or the Goodwill. Ask your husband why exactly you aren't ready to give the child all it will need. Kids these days are too spoiled anyway. You don't have to spend money like crazy to have a happy child, whatever the media might want you to think.

Answer 2

You will NEVER have enough money to think you can have a child......don't wait for something that won't come-even if you're financially stable it's too easy to put off having children.

But it's also a decision you have to make together- the greatest joys in life, the greatest fears, the greatest hurts and the greatest pride come from our children....BUT......even if you don't remain as a couple somewhere down the line, bring that child into a household where BOTH parents want and love them. And once you see that little creature that you perpetuated life into- you fall in love-a totally PURE love that is beyond belief- you'd trade your own life in a hearbeat to save theirs- which is a REALLY good thing when they become teens and you wondered why you ever beat your head against the wall to have them tell you how stupid you are!
(yes, I waited and am no better off financially and HAVE teens-and frustrating every other moment- but I'd still trade my life for either of theirs, given the choice!)

Answer 3

I know exactly how you feel! HONESTLY. I want the same thing and my husband is telling me the same things yours is. It really stinks. I am so ready to be a mother. I think, dream, feel it every day. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through...I feel weak and that I have no control. My husband is very supportive of my feelings, but he can never say what I truly want to hear. (I know I am not helping you here, it's just nice to be able to talk with someone who understands me for a change. All of my friends are in different places in their lives and children are not a part of them.) I try to pray about it and just try to understand why waiting is best, but it never works...I always come right back to these feelings. Do me a favor, if you find your answer(s), pass them along. I need comfort and support right now as well.

Answer 4

Whatever you do, take a good look at your marriage first. Make sure you're not wanting a baby because you're feeling disconnected from your husband. Patch up anything before you discuss kids.

Then, tell your husband you can never "afford" kids. What you spend your money on just changes. You aren't eating out all the time, having frequent nights out or shopping for yourself anymore. You're paying for diapers, baby food and adorable baby clothes. Your fears about losing yourself once you have kids quickly subside once you actually HAVE the kid and realize you never really knew yourself until you HAD kids!!

Seriously, if your husband's scared, he needs to admit it. You'll both be scared and need to be open enough with each other to share in that roller coaster ride. Just make sure you're both being real with each other.

P.S. Don't allow him to give your child anything (s)he ever wants. You'll have a narcissistic, self-entitled brat on your hands!

Answer 5

Giving a child 'everything' it wants isn't the way to raise a kid. Sure, make sure you can afford to house, clothe, and feed your offspring, but what it most will need is that completely unique thing -- yourselves as mom and dad. Moments at the park or baking in the kitchen, doesn't cost a thing but your time. If you have those bases covered -- go for it while you are young enough to still play!

Answer 6

Sounds as though you just said it. Tell him that this is the time. Money will always be an issue. If you two can support yourselves and have the room in your schedule, home and heart, then go for it. No one is ever ready completely for a child. Good luck with your talk and Blessings.

Answer 7

Make sure you get the true thoughts from the husband... often i see women getting pregnant because they want to with little reguard for the husbands honest opinion and then get upset when the husband dosn't share your enthuisum. Do not think for a minute that it will be OK to get pregnant and then think he will be as excited as you are if you have tricked him into conceiving. It takes two to make a child .. It is the responsibility of both to care for a child ( even if often one or both ducks that responsibility ) Let it be two to make the decision to conceive it.

Answer 8

I think that if you have a stable home and can make ends meet on one salary then go for it.

If you don't have lots of money that could be an argument for having fewer children rather than not having kids at all.

And yes giving a child 'everything' just spoils them - I find that the children that often turn out best are those who are taught how to manage on limited means (whether voluntary or of parental necessity) rather than those who are taught by their parents to expect anything and everything they could wish for just by badgering their parents (or anyone else for that matter).

although we have just one child and have a good family income - we don't go and get anything he asks for - oftentimes he makes his own new toys out of paper and sellotape - much cheaper and he also learns how to construct things for himself too!

Answer 9

Can't help you to convince your hubby that its time. but I do know that if your waiting till your financially ready you will never have a baby and that's a fact. Like who actually has enough money to raise a child for 18 years? no one that's who. If you have a baby though you fit it in to your budget because its necessity.

Answer 10

we ourselves are waiting to get a place of our own in about a year from now "homes of america" and as long as one person can afford the bills while taking care of the child for good or have someone watch over the child whilst we are at work then its all good. do waht you believe in.