how do i stop the bad things i do???

Question

i'm 17 i've been cutting myself for 4 years and i've smoked cannabis every day for 2 years and i drink heavily. during the day i'm fine, i work with children and i'm always there for my friends, i'm responsible and although i drink and smoke a lot it doesn't affect me during the day, only when i've finished work. i have a boyfriend and a good network of friends and a good family, none of them know how i feel. most of them have never given me a reason to doubt them but i just cant trust. i've been depressed for the past 4 years and although i try my hardest to fight my urges i still cut drink and smoke every day. i feel i cant give any of it up, i use the drink to numb me the cannabis to cheer me up for a while and the cutting to relieve my anxieties. i worry about everyone and everything and although i help everyone i know i still feel worthless. and because i dont trust i cant tell anyone how i'm feeling i've tried counselling but cant speakto some one i dont know. please help me xxx

Answer 1

Best thing to do is go see a therapist that can help you with your problems and help you figure out the best way to deal with them so you don't keep hurting yourself.

Answer 2

You do know what this will lead you to - and you do know that you will get a lot of advice - and now that you have finally decided to worry about your self - you have taken the first step.
So.
1. Read all the answers you get again and do that in the morning before taking any drug or cutting or whatever you do that is bad.
2. Do that twice a day - repetition is important
3. Ever morning after doing the reading ritual - go for a long long run - and return to dress and eat and go for your work or whatever.
4, Do that run again at 5.30 PM
5. Cook the food for the entire house and do the dishes for dinner.
6. Read the complete newspaper in bed till you drop off to sleep
PERHAPS THIS WILL MAKE YOU DROP THE BAD HABITS.
REMEMBER YOU ARE THE MAKER OF YOUR DESTINY AND YOU AND YOU ALONE CAN HELP YOUR SELF
THE KEY IS TO KEEP YOURSELF SO BUSY THAT YOUR MIND OR BODY HAS NO TIME TO DO ANYTHING ELSE BUT SLEEP

Answer 3

Take a bit of time out, go away for even a few days with friends or someone you want to spend time with, it really helps. Have you thoughtabout trying antidepressants ? you doctor can find the right one for you. You really do need to talk to someone, as bottling things up make everything ten times worse. You will feel much better after you have spoken to someone about it, and its like a relief too. I used to cut myslef when I thought I deserved it if I argued with someone or something was my fault, it was like punishing myself. Trust me it is not worth hurting yourself for any reason. I know you have tried to stop your urges but cant. Just take time to think about things in a positive way, then maybe you can feel more positive about everyting else. Just by telling one person can help. I managed to stop and yes occasionally I do get an urge but I think positive and dont do it. Imagin how upset people close to you would feel knowing that you hurt yourself. I too work with children and at times it was hard to cover up cuts and scars, and I ran out of excuses to why there were cuts up my arms. If you want to talk more my email is [e-mail]. I know how you feel to a point. Chin up, keep smiling. But one thing, smoking and depression dont really go. I know when you smoke things seem better, but the after effects even though you may not realise there are any are more negative. Cannibis is also like an antidepressant, although its nice.

Answer 4

Hey,
I don't want to start preaching at you hun, but I do think that you need to talk to someone about your self harming, and I'm not only refering to the cutting, the smoking and drinking are also harming you too. Its not going to be easy to stop these behaviours- I know from experience- and you are going to have some slip ups occasionnally but keep battling through.

Instead of thinking of the weed and drink, why not start off by thinking about which one of your mates that you can do something with, or the children you are going to work with. If it were one of your friends that were going through the same things as you are, what would you say to them? Maybe you could sit down with a pen and write a letter as if you were writing to your close friend who was going through the same things as yourself. Then use this to start changing things in your life. It doesn't have to be all at once, but start slowly.

Have you spoken to anyone about the way you have been feeling? Maybe you could go to your gp and there may be some medication that might help you. Trust is a hard thing for me to, but often I find that I have to write down what I want to say and then either read off of that, or just hand it to the doctor.

Hang in there hun, and look for the positives:)
Hope something works out for you soon. [hugs]

Answer 5

If you can't do it for yourself, do it for the children in your care.
Imagine just for one moment of being one of their parents, just how would you feel about your child's safety, if they were in someone's care, who confessed to all of this?

You are a young adult with serious responsibilities toward them, you are paid to care for their welfare. No matter how bad you feel, how weak your will power, you have to be more responsible.

It is not responsible to be near children when you have a lethal combination of drugs and drink inside your system from the night before. I was a nanny at seventeen and a mother, I'd been abused at home, put in care, survived NDE through accidents and illnesses and violence half a dozen times already, but I didn't resort to anything outside the common place cigarette.

The children's safety meant far too much to me, and I had too much self respect, so you must start to think hard and fast about these things first.

Your judgement and co-ordination and reactions are impaired. Just because you think you can cope, doesn't mean you can. If one of these children ever comes to grief, all this will come out, and you wont find sympathy, but hatred and anger, from the parents, and likely end in prison.

Many people fight against very serious illness, while you choose to harm yourself this way. Run this thought around our head as well!

I don't care about the smoking, I'm a smoker myself, but all the other stuff is not only serious self destruct, but, it can and will effect others in your life. Your mates and boyfriend and family are adult enough to deal with this, the children in your care are not.

You can stop, you just choose not to. You have to turn it round and repeat and repeat to yourself "I can, I will, I must" for the children. Use this as your mantra.

Before you lose your job, before you are banned for ever from working with children again, as being too high risk, you alone must make the choice, because no one else can make it for you.

If you can write all that, coherently, you can get back on track and by doing so, gain self respect.

You can also write to me and I will help you, but I will not play around with platitudes, the hard work comes from you.

That's if you really do want help!

Answer 6

You really do need to seek psychological help. Cutting, drinking and smoking are addictions that you need help with. Talking to a professional will help you get thru whatever is making you do these things. And I don't want to be mean, but you really should not be working with children if you are under the influence of pot and alcohol or cutting yourself. What if your fears start affecting you during the day? Would you want to put any of these children in danger. Please seek help immediately from a professional and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 7

The first step you need to take is sit down in a room by yourself without any of thos dangerous toxins, citgarrets, or knifes. Then I want you to think about why you were here and who loves you to keep you here and the future he has for you here on this earth. Howabout perfect, loving, without wars, without hate or anything else that's in that category and the chance of living forever on this beautiful earth. Psalms chaper 37;11, revelation 21: 3, 4. You need to show love for yourself by not doing these things that hurt your body and then as time comes very soon, Jehovah will bring and end to all of these bad things and make out life the way it was meant to be, Perfect.

Answer 8

Hi angeleyez, Cutting is a way to externalize the pain,drinking numbs the pain,smoking pot makes you happy (no pain).You need to deal with the source of your pain not the symptoms. If you feel worthless -you are going to naturally feel bad & the fact you don't trust people tells me you were mistreated (parents?) when you were younger.Bless your heart honey - you're special- I just wish you could see it. If no one knows how you feel- how can they help you ?There is allways someone who cares- you just have to find them.Find someone to talk to about your problem - see you talked to us & I care -wish I could do more..You deserve to be happy.You have to trust somebody...

Answer 9

i'm 22. did a lot of stuff you did and more (can't name 'em all cuz i'm ashamed of them. plus i dont wanna give you more ideas). except for the cutting part, didnt really get into that.

My Observation: u seem like a very nice person. u did most of these things to be socially excepted. friends closest to u have similar habits. i'm guessing u finished or r about to finish high school, and headed for college soon.

My Story: had a wake up call my second year in college. i couldnt share my thoughts and feelings with friends or family, i knew they would laugh or not believe it. i needed desperate help. tried to get help online but only found useless articles, all of them said 'seek professional help'. couldn't afford it, didnt have the guts, and i dont like talking to strangers. lucky me, i found out that my university offered free medical services. it took me about 6 months to think over and over and build the courage to be able to admit and confront my problems. went to the psychiatrist (i thought i was just going to see a doctor or something, but they sent me to a psychiatrist?! i thought they delt with retarded or disabled people). i made sure all info i shared would be kept confidential. anyway, i was uncomfortable in the beginning but then i was surprised to see that it was much easier to say any anything in front of her. felt good just to talk to someone, u have no idea. she evaluated me. i had moderate addiction and mild depression. here's the rough part. couldnt afford medication. parents were the only financial choice but i didnt wanna tell them. asked her how to talk to my parents so they'd understand. went and told my family. they laughed, didnt take me seriously. i got disappointed. made my parents talk to my psychiatrist. they got serious and got a second evaluation. phew. now i'm taking anti-depressant med. drinking is controled cuz it affects with my med. don't know how i got the courage to do it all. i probably cant do something like this again. been a year now i've been clean. except for occasional partying ;] u know how it is.

Advice: counselling is crap get a pro. this is serious man. wait till college for free psychiatry help, unless you have other sources, or money is not a problem, or u cant wait, or ur not going to college. talk to a stranger first. but be sure its confidential. its important you admit to everything you do. its easier, safer, and helpful. preferably a psyciatrist if u can. then maybe tell a close friend, if u feel ready, and then maybe a trustable family member. meds and talking to someone, thats the way to do it. had one more thing to say but i forgot.

better get some use out of this cuz i spent a lot of time typing this s***.

Answer 10

Who uses the word cannibus is what I am thinking........

Seriously, get yourself a good shrink to help you. You have got to tell your parents. I know that will be hard but they are the only ones who can help you find a good doctor. You are far beyond self help at this point. I would not want my children being entrusted to you. You are a danger to those kids and yourself for that matter.

Answer 11

you must be my twin your so like me i smoked cannibis for 4 years im 18 years old ive got anxiety and depression but ive never hurt my self ive taken overdoses i gave up puff 2 years now it was hard but now its just drink it takes my problems away. ive tried counselling it dosnt help they just try to blame your parents i relised my faimily were the most important things in my life my friends a prolific self harmer but she now finds other things to do with her life shes now a carer and feels shes has a purpose in life your so young dont throw it all away for a spliff and and a vodka please youve got people who love you and so much to give i know how you feel im not just saying that i really do i was raped but i can overcome that and move on even if i have got the drink please have confidence in yourself. AND AS FOR THE PERSON SAYING SHE WOULDNT ENTRUST HER KIDS WITH YOU SHES 17 YEARS OLD IT MIGHT BE HORMONAL HAVE A HEART WOULD YA....