I don't know what to do with my kids to help them learn and be a great mom?

Question

I feel clueless all the time. I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with them. I thought it was so easy with Gavin when he was a baby but now I have two. Gav is almost 3 and my daughter is 15 months. I feel like I am letting them down as a mom. I see other moms whose kids are smarter and seem happier and can't help but wonder what the hell am I doing wrong and what can I do to be better. I just feel so lost now that they are getting older. I don't know what games I should be playing, how often I should read, how soon they need to be potty trained. I need someone to teach me. I am terrified for me and them. I thought this would come naturally to me and its not. Does anyone else feel this way? Is it all me? What can I do?

Answer 1

Oh sweetie....it's going to be okay. Trust me. Every mother feels exactly as you do...inadequate and ignorant or all things "mommy." With time comes experience. With experience come mistakes...and we learn from our mistakes!

The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath, hug your kiddoes, and thank whichever spirit you hold dear that you have 2 beautiful, healthy babies! You're doing a great job! Secondly, quit worrying so much about what other moms are doing. Remember: every one of our angels is unique. What works for Mrs. Smith's perfect little Einstein down the road might not work for your child. So don't take Mrs. Smith's advice as the "gospel" on child rearing. As parents we find what works best for our kids...not the kid down the road. Sure, listen to what they say, read about different parenting techniques and tricks...but then sift through them, keep the ones that work for you and toss the ones that don't. Turn on you BS filter, Mom....you won't be turning it off for the rest of your life. :-)

Now...as far as some parenting tips from me:
First and foremost: Be CONSISTENT. This is the very best advice you will ever hear. If you say you are going to do something...then do your best to stick by it. Don't make idle threats when your kids are misbehaving. If you say you are going to discipline them then do it. Stick by your guns. When it comes to "promises" (like "we'll go to the park this afternoon") try to stick by those too. Don't go overboard though...if something does come up it is a good lesson for your kids to show them that everything doesn't always happen the way we want it to. Make sure they know that the world doesn't revolve around them....but they are still loved.

Secondly: establish a SCHEDULE for your children. Keep it the same ALWAYS. This makes your child feel secure in his/her environment...which reminds them that they are loved and cared for. They know that, no matter what happens around them, some things will always be the same. This is a very simple way to show your child that you have control. It helps them to know that, even at an early age, YOU are the person they can always count on for stability. This schedule doesn't have to be difficult or packed full of activities....Here is what my boys' day looks like (on the weekend. I try to keep things similar to at daycare in regards to nap and mealtimes):
7-730: Wake up. Potty, quiet play, watch a cartoon.
800: Breakfast
815-830: clean up breakfast things. Brush teeth, get dressed
830-930: Preschool type TV shows and free-play in room
930-1130: Outside play or run errands. Ride bikes, play tag, hide and seek, sandbox, whatever. Kids pretty much play what they want.
1145: Potty, wash up, lunch.
12-230: Nap.
230-630: Potty again! Whatever mommy decides. Lately we play out in the little pop up pool.
630: Dinner.
630-800: Clean up from dinner, clean up toys from the day, clean up room. Sometimes we watch a movie. Baths, brush teeth, PJs, potty, storytime.
800: Bed. We always sing the same song, and a second one (by request). This is also an excellent time to work on number, letter, shape and color recognition. I use a "magna doodle" for numbers, letters, and shapes, and I drew pictures in crayon (you can have the kids help) and put them on the walls for colors. If you want details on that part, let me know.

Their schedule during the weekdays is the same....they do they same things in the morning and at dinner and bedtime.

As far as games go...use your imagination. It's time to chuck the "I feel like an idiot" feeling...act like an idiot! Have fun! Be silly! Remember, when you were a kid all you wanted was your mom to act silly once in a while...now it's your turn to give your kids a little bit of what you didn't have

Finally: A lot of being a mommy is common sense. Sit down and write a list of some of the things you'd like to be doing. Don't try to make too drastic of changes all at once. Post the list on your fridge and add one or two things from it to your day each day. I do suggest that you implement a schedule immediately. This WILL change your life for the better. Use your brain. If you find yourself stuck sit down and think things through, make the necessary changes, and drive on.

Good luck!

~C

Answer 2

You're not alone. Most mothers go through these feels. The best thing you can do is love them! There are books that can help with the details of day to day things like when and how to potty train them, how they will act at certain ages and other things. It doens't matter what games you play with them as long as you PLAY the games with them. Being there for them is the BEST thing you can do.

Being smart doesn't make you a good person or a good parent. A smart person knows a lot of things. A WISE person may not be smart, but they go find the answers to their questions. You may not feel smart, but you are wise.

You sound like you're a great mom already. If they turn out like you, they'll do great.

Answer 3

None of this is in your head. Every mom wants to be the best for their children. Because of your concern for the betterment of you and your children, you are already a GREAT mom. Kids have never come with directions and what works for one child, may not work for another child. Each child is his/her own individual self. Don't worry about what you need to do. Sit with them and monitor what they do and really listen. Before you know it, it will come to you. Kids will always give you a clue about what they want to do and learn. Just because they can't talk well, it doesn't mean they can't communicate. Along with your own motherly instincts (yes, you have them), visit www.parenting.com to find articles by a child's age or topic. That website is a great guide. Good luck to you and I'm sure you'll be great. Take care!

Answer 4

If you want to chat more personally feel free to email me [e-mail]. My kids are also 3 and 18 months so I can sympathize with you. At times I feel the same why you do - we all have off days. You may need to find yourself a support group like a MOMS Club within your area. Don't compare you kids to others and don't compare yourself to others - we are moms and we want the best for our children so sometimes it's hard not to. I am a trained elementary school teacher and often I find myself wondering what to do with my kids. So if you want to chat I've been where you are and will probably be there again soon.

Answer 5

First off, take a deep breathe. Relax. You are doing fine.

As for reading, I suggest every night at bedtime, read a story. This is what I do: I have two children, I let them each pick a bedtime story and I read them both to both of them. [we alternate bedrooms, one night my daughter's room, the next night my son's room ~ we have to play fair] But I always read two stories every night ~ their choice.

I also read to them as often as they bring me a book and ask me to read to them ~ does not matter if I like the story or if I am tired, I still read it because they asked. So days, I read the same book three times, some days, I don't read at all ~ depends on their moods and the weather.

Potty training. I got a potty and started sitting them on it around 1 and getting them comfortable with it, no pressure. Then after their second birthday [because neither of them were interested or ready, so I did not stress it] we started a more regular routine. Every night after we brushed our teeth, we sat on the potty to try and go. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not. Either way, my son was three weeks passed his third birthday before he decided he was a big boy and was not wearing diapers. My daughter was frustrating, she would go and then not go. I bought a huge box of diapers because she was not going and I had run out, my Gramma came to visit and suddenly she was a big girl and never wore a diaper again ~ leaving me with a new box of 100 diapers and only two used. Base your potty training on how they react to it.

Games, those are fun. Both my children love Eye-spy, they don't play right but they love it. "I spy with my little eye something that is green like grass"

Email me if you want some more stuff, I don't want to write a novel here.

Answer 6

The fact that you care so much and are seeking advise is a sure indication that you are a great mom! just relax and remember that no one is perfect. Here is a list of ideas and advise.
~Dont compare yourself to others,while still being open to ideas that would work for your family.
~Talk to friends or family that you admire their children and parenting styles
~What makes your children smarter is talking to them and playing with them.
~You can start with making a list of things you would like them to learn and make up a chart and do each activity for 5 minutes-called 5minute plans. you may have just 2 or 3 to start
~here are some things that you would be amazed that a 2-3 year old can learn and do your 15 month old will enjoy joining in
piano, foreign language,abc's,colors, writing their name,memorizing facts or scriptures, singing songs,jumping hopping, drawing,"writing",

Answer 7

relax enjoy them read daily games come easy you have to think on their level everything is an adventure and meant to be explored .. just the fact that you asked shows how much you care! here's some help on this site its free.. and if you need a question answered just e mail from there. I've worked with children for 30+ years raised my own and find that any parent that asks is a caring one

Answer 8

it sounds like you stay at home with them but if not you should do what it takes to make that happen. You just need to play with them, hug them, tell them how great they are and do not get upset with them over little stuff like spilling 5 cents worth of juice from a 50 cent cup. there is no perfect formula just love them as much as you can.

Answer 9

they know your great stop worring