I am getting married in a few days and I am stuck!! My fiance' has a 6 year old son and we get along really good (when he comes with us) but lately he has been telling us on the days that we are supposed to get him that he dosent want to come with us and that he didnt want to be in our wedding (my fiance' was heart borken) we pay child support but sometimes he makes me so frustrated that I want to tell him to just sign off on him. I know it dosent sound right and my fiance' should take care of his child, but he just makes me so mad...do these thoughts make me a horrible step-mommy to be??
2006-06-26 11:26:56 · 27 answers · asked by q_t_pie0072003 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The fact that you are asking this question means you want to do the right thing. I'd suggest getting in contact with other stepmothers for tips on handling the situation.
The mother may be telling the child things to turn him against you. It would help if you could gain her confidence that you aren't trying to replace her. Try to convince her that your fiance, you and she can work as a team to make it better for the child.
Try these online discussion and support groups for help:
http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/dir/Family___Home/Parenting/Step_Parents
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stepmoms/
Good luck to you with your new family!
2006-06-26 11:35:13 · answer #1 · answered by Ginger/Virginia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes they make you a horrible step mom. This answer isn't going to be what you want to hear but it is the truth.
You need to talk to him and find out what is going on. You need to explain that you badly want him in the wedding.
Who cares that you pay child support? That's your duty. You shouldn't be proud of something like that.
Last, you should never "sign off" on a child if you don't have to. He's only 6.
Think about what that might do to him for the rest of his life. The fact that you even asked this question makes me furious. You may think that I just don't understand, but you are wrong. You just don't get it. He is a CHILD who is growing up in a torn home.
What in the hell is your problem?
You are an adult, so start acting like it. Think with your brain and not your emotions. You are an idiot to let a six- year old make you mad. He's just a kid!!!!
Take some responsibility and get to the bottom of this instead of whining like an infant. The CHILD is the victim, not you.
2006-06-26 18:40:55 · answer #2 · answered by Cold Hard Fact 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, they don't make you a bad step-mom. They make you human. All kids can be like that. He's only 6 and it takes time for kids to get used to certain ideas. Often, kids hope that their real parents will get back together years after a divorce. They don't like the thought of a "new mommy or daddy".
Be patient and give it time. Also find out what, if anything, his ex has been telling the child. That may be part of the problem if she doesn't like you.
2006-06-26 18:34:41 · answer #3 · answered by David T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations, you're normal. I'm a step-mom and went through some similar situations. One difference is that the children live with us. Their mother has visitation rights and the kids are always anxious to get to her house. That really used to bother me until I talked to them (ages 9,8 and 4) to find out why.
Why doesn't he want to come with you? Is it possible that biological is telling him bad things about you? Or maybe you and your fiance have rules and biological doesn't. That means that your house is not the fun house. That's okay!!
Before you say the I do's, make sure that you and your fiance are on the same track when it comes to discipline and rules. If you expect well-mannered children that respect adults and your fiance lets him get away with anything because he doesn't get to see him much, then you have bigger problems than you thought.
Once you agree to love, honor and cherish, remember that it's till death do you part. Make the committment and stick to it. It will be tough. Love the little boy, tell him you love him. Hug him, kiss him, tuck him in at night and eventually he will respect your rules and will love you for giving him that discipline. And it wouldn't hurt if you did the same thing for your soon-to-be husband. Good luck.
2006-06-26 20:59:03 · answer #4 · answered by Karen T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so. I mean, my boyfriend has a 10 year old daughter, and we get along some of the time- but most of the time it is SO hard! It is hard when the kid lives with a parent that doesn't teach them manners and how to be kind and just simple everyday things that you would expect of your own kids. My boyfriend and I have a 2 year old, and I spank her to teach her or tell her how to act- but with the other girl, I can't do a thing without her mouth saying "I'm telling my Dad" It can be so annoying to be a step parent, and it may or may not get worse as the child grows up.
2006-06-26 18:38:01 · answer #5 · answered by Prettyeyez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a frustrated step-mommy to be. It will take time. Your future step-son is reacting to the changes in his life. ie. If you get married, Mommy and Daddy will never get back together. You need to be loving, supportive and consistant. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Do not try to discipline him at this point. Just be a caring influence in his life. NEVER belittle his mother in front of him. You will do fine. The fact that you are concerned shows that.
2006-06-26 18:36:09 · answer #6 · answered by N2theFaith 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are not a horrible step mom, the things he is doing are hurtful. my first thought is that his mom is putting these ideas in his head. maybe she is envious that you two are getting married and you guys are happy so she puts thoughts in his head. it is WRONG of her, but ive seen it done. maybe the three of you (you, your fiance, and the ex) need to sit down and have a talk, of course not in front of the boy. i think that things will get better and the boy will accept you, just give it time. it can be hard to accept a step parent, and vise versa with the child, but eventually it all works out, especially since he is only 6. good luck.
2006-06-26 19:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by krystal 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you are a terrible step mum the feelings you are feeling are probably quite natural your partner though needs to have a chat to his child and explain to him that he loves you and you and him are going to marry let the child know that just because you are there now you are not going to take his dad away from him it will be very trying for you both and it possibly will continue for a while so hang in there and good luck
p.s what is the child's mother like could she be filling the child with bad thoughts and telling him things so as to create a harder life for you and your partner
2006-06-26 19:33:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this child does not like the idea of this marriage and needs time to adjust to the idea. All kids want their real parents to be together and this has probably hit home. Be patient with him he is 6 and you are grown, love the child and show it he will then come around to the wedding and like it
2006-06-26 18:34:23 · answer #9 · answered by Wendy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure the child is hurt because he knows now that his mommy and daddy won't be getting back together. Try not to take what a six-year-old says so personally. He's only six...but he can understand, if you and your fiance explain to him that you both love him, and that you're not going to abandon him.
2006-06-26 18:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by Fivens 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋