father/daughter relationship?

Question

my xhusband has just moved in w/a girl{w/2youngkids}.he moved back to town 1yr ago after leaving another girlfreind and their 2y/o child{our daughters step sister}.in the year he"s been back,he and our daughter{14y/o} have established a wonderful relationship{she only saw him 2x in the 3yrs he was gone}.he would see her all the time,call,stop over to visit her,etc..as of 3weeks ago,it all stopped,he never calls,he now says its up to her.when she calls him,he either doesnt answer the phone or says he's too busy..he has shared w/me recentley that he is trying to get his new girlfreind pregnant{they"ve known each other 8mnths}.thank god our girl doesnt know! i am watching our dayghters heart break and its killing me..yet again another girl has taken away her dad{her words}. his relationship is none of my business,but our daughters well being is. any suggestions? this is serious!

i have talked to him about this and he doesnt see a problem

she has stated how she feels to him,his reaction is,that he has a girlfreind,deal with it

one more thing,the gf has been here 3 weeks,and he hasnt introduced them to her

i always remind her that her dad does love her

Answer 1

Dont feel bad me and my father our relation is well we dont have one. I dunno why dont you talk to him and tell him your feelings on this.

Answer 2

Your ex needs to grow up and realize that there's more to being a father than just being there for conception. If he doesn't have enough time and attention for the children he already has, he has no business trying to have more kids. You need to call him or talk to him in person and explain how your daughter feels about his lack of attention. Does he have any idea how his behavior could effect her future? Does he not realize that he is now shaping the way she is going to perceive men in the future? Does he want her to be so desperate for male attention that she'll wind up getting into bad relationships or even worse, becoming a pregnant teen?
If you can't get him to own up to his responsibilities as a father, make sure you reassure your daughter that none of this is her fault, and she's a wonderful, caring, loving daughter. Support her, and perhaps she has a grandfather, uncle or male family friend that you trust who can become somewhat of a surrogate father for her. Especially now, she needs a good male role model, who treats her with respect. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 3

I know exactly what she is going through and i am still going through it now and i am 20 years old. Me and my dad had a great relationship when i was younger but then we just drifted apart when my parents got a divorce. Yeah i use to see him and he use to call, but as soon as he got a new gf, he had no time for me. When i called him, he wouldnt answer his phone or when he did he would say he would call back, but never did. Yes he was there financially, but that wasnt what i needed. On my graduation he got mad at me for some reason i dont know and we didnt talk for about a year and a half, and then one day i just wrote him a letter telling him that i didnt appreciate how he could put water before blood. Things are still the same and i really dont talk to him that much cause there is nothing to say.

Tell your husband that he needs to put his daughter first and worry about gettin his gf pregnant last. If he doesnt, he would lost her for good, and when he does need her, she will abandoned him just how he abandoned her.

Answer 4

It is very important that you help your daughter in this, or she will wind up marrying the same kind of man.
His neglect of his daughter, and philandering behavior is hurtful, as you already know, and can put her in an emotional place
to where she will seek out FOR A MATE the same kind of man that will first woo her, and treat her well, and later become emotionally unavailable...and she will do this unconsciously, wanting to FIX him...(because in her heart she'll never be able to FIX Dad).
This is TRUE, and a very common problem with children that have been emotionally victimized.

First get her involved in a group of adults where she WILL have an adult male that IS emotionally available to her. You can seek this kind of loving caring male as an Uncle, church Brother, BigBrother, or other groups where she can interact with, and enjoy a GOOD relationshp with and adult male that is REWARDING. There is you answer.

Caution: Make sure that her interactions with adult males is supervised. She is really really confused right now. These young women are using "something" to "take her Dad away" and hopefully she won't suffer confusion as to what kind of a relationship is healthy with her Dad.

I would not "encourage" her relationshp with her Dad, but don't squelch it either...treat it as a shame he is so JUVENILE and that you hope someday he grows up, and starts acting like a responsible adult and Dad. Never try to get her to hate her Dad, instead, just let her love him while forgiving his shortcomings.
I mean for you to relalate all of that to her in that way.

It is really important she have male mentors that are good. Find them, and let their attentions replace those her Dad have left wanting.

God Bless you both
stw

Answer 5

Sit your daughter down and talk to her about how she feels. Let her know that even if her father isn't being the best dad right now, you still love her and will always be there for her. Discuss a possible solution- does she want to try to continue a relationship with her dad, or does she want to cut off contact with him? Support her in her decision.

Answer 6

Ask him what happened to make him feel that the daughter needs to be the one to initiate the conversations/relationship with her father? Did she do or say something to upset him? If he has abandoned her only to produce more offspring that he may leave in a fatherless home (again), then that is not right.

I would let him know that you care nothing about his relationship, but that you would like for you alls daughter to have a relationship with her father. At this age it is important for a young lady to have a male role model... It is wrong for him to give her false hope about their father/daughter relationship.

Answer 7

def talk to him about it and how it is hurting your daughter. tell him it is not fair to her to come back in to her life 24/7 then leave again. ask him maybe to spend 1 day every 2 weeks with her (or something reasonable) because if he still cares about his daughter and being a good dad that is what he should do. if that doesn't work, then tell your daughter that he has a new girlfriend and has been busy spending time with her. tell her he loves her and you are sure that them two will be able to spend time together soon. tell her you will talk to him. good luck!

Answer 8

Unfortunate set of circumstances,However it will need someone to talk to the father of the effects he is having on his daughter.
Either he is oblivious or has horrid tunnel vision.
This child has a bond with the father, unless the father is made to realize it or wakes up this could continue with no resolve.It is perhaps time to put it on the table.Reassurethe child that it is her dad that has the issue and not her.

Answer 9

Your daughter sees how is he. You just need to stand by her and comfort her when she needs it. Don't ever talk down about him. That is not your place. Your daughter is old enough to see what is going on and she will eventually learn to speak her mind to him and tell him off from time to time. Someday you are going to hear her on the phone saying, Look Dad, you are the grown up here and you are acting like you don't care about me anymore. That makes me feel like crap, and its your fault. My daughter did and still does give her dad crap when he needs to hear it, she is 16. I have never said a bad word about him to her and she has figured everything out on her own. they are allot smarter then we think sometimes. Just always have your shoulder ready!

Answer 10

Good god almighty, he wants to help bring another child into this world when he won't even properly take care of the one he already has. Give your daughter time, she will come to her own conclusions about her father and realize he's not what all he's cracked up to be. She won't be 14 forever.

Answer 11

It seems to me that instead of going around trying to get *another* woman pregnant, he needs to focus on the kids he already has. You should tell him that the fact that he's fathered your child doesn't automatically make him a dad. That part comes from being their for the child, helping her with problems, doing fun stuff with her, etc.
good luck