am i wrong to be irritated with my mother?

Question

everyday i leave my phone at home my mom reads all my texts and looks at all my calls. (i know this because when i come home all the messages my friends sent me throughout the day are read) today when i came home from summer school the picutres on my computer were up because she was looking at them. she reads my notes too. she even cleans my room to make sure im not hiding anything. she never finds anything either so it irritates me that im not being trusted nor have any privacy. im not allowded to have a boyfriend. when i turned 16 i was supposed to be allowed too but now its 18. my brother who is going into 7th grade has already has 3 and she did nto do anythign about it. he has girls over all the time in his room. but i had a gay boy over in my room and was grounded for 3 months. she lets my 11 year old brother do more than i can. ie tried talking to her but she says she can look through whatever she wants.

she says there is no such ting as privacy in this house because im under 18 and i shouldnt have anything to hide. and i dont. but its just irritating that she cant respect my privacy. its irritating she lets my brother do more than me, and she truts him more when he is nothing but rude to her.
and im a good kid id say. i have a 4.1 gpa i go to an advanced school, i do my chores and do things without her asking. even if i was able to do things on weekends id stillhang out with her more than i do my friends on weekends since i dont see her a lot during hte week because im at school till 5.
am i wrong to be extremely irritated right now? i am on my period so that might be why haha. but i just want to be respected and trusted and i feel like ill never get that and when i tell her this she just laughs or says "Tehres no such thing as privacy"

move out?????????
i just turned 16 yesterday. plus i go to school from 7-5 so id have no time to work. i am applying to jobs though right now... but i just dont see how moving out is possible since ill only be 16 and could only work a couple nights of week if that since im at school forever.

Answer 1

Its called being a Girl and most parents give more liberities to guys than girls,,, you need to tell her that its the effin 2000's and she is not giving equil rights to her kids. Make it clear that you should have the same rights as your brothers and start hiding small bags of powder sugar or oragino in their rooms if nothing changes.... at least that way your bro's might get grounded for having... JK

Answer 2

Sorry but as long as you are living under her roof she has a right to look through your things. She's just trying to protect you. Boys are not guarded like the darling daughters. You can try telling your Mom that these years are very important for you guys to establish a friendship relationship even though she is your Mom you don't want to result in sneaking around when you would rather be honest and get her input on situations that might come up. And say if she can't trust you now you won't trust her years from now. Good luck!

Answer 3

omg I really feel for you I think it's right you are irritated and in fact you have a right no doubt. I'd say talk to your mom and let her know whats buisness tell her to stop looking through your things and tell her that you've grown up around 16 years of age your well-enough matured and are capable of having boyfriends but believe me I got my first at seventeen. What you should do is tell her that you want her to be a MOM not a SNOOP tell her it's YOUR room YOUR stuff YOUR life and say that you don't go snooping through her things. This may not be the way you'd handel it so heres another option. Take your mom to counceling and get someone to talk to her about this kind of stuff with you in the room if she dosen't want to cooperate than you could probily arrange another place to live with friends or family. If you don't want to move out than have a stern talk with her like I said mention that your old enough for different oppertunities and also get good grades and go to a very good school and plus, do your chores. I never did mine and I could still go out but that depend on the parents really. Do you have a father? If you do let him talk to her or something keeping these feelings inside ESPECIALLY when you have your period is never a healthy thing if I were you I'd gaurd everything I own to myself. IF SHE DOSEN'T LISTEN I'd maybe give her the silent treatment she has no right to invade your privacy and life. I really hope this helps you if not I have no clue what else to say. If you need any help just e-mail me okay? I love to help people so I'm always there to talk to.
WOW 15 to 16 well NEVER MIND THE moving out part inless you REALLY need to either way it is her roof overprotected parents are a bummer I sware uggg. well I hope you are good with this stuff. still try to talk to her lol.

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Answer 4

You have every right to be irritated. In fact, i'd be pissed off. Your mother has no respect for you. The only time it's ok to treat someone the way she's treating you would be if she had reason to suspect that you were in danger, like with drugs or something. Your mom needs to relax and trust you. Otherwise you might rebel and things could be worse than they ever would have been. Plus, she's already looked through stuff and found nothing. So she needs to leave it alone and talk to you instead if she thinks something is up.

Answer 5

You could try to make an agreement with her. Say maybe, "for every time you are in my room and don't find anything I can have 1 day of privacy" and then make a little signed contract and a tally sheet that she can sign off on every time she goes in your room and doesn't find anything. Maybe she will agree to that. So if she goes in your room and doesn't find anything for a month, you can rack up 30 days of privacy. The better you are, the more privacy you get. And eventually you might just have your room completely spy free. I am 21 and have been dealing with my mom opening my mail, and all in my stuff for years...I tell her its a felony to open someone elses mail...haha and she still does it. Kind of have to get legal with them. Hope the contract idea helps.
Good luck!

Answer 6

does she do that top your brother? if she doesnt then have her do it to him,equal everyone must be equal. she doesnt let you have a boyfriend? and you are 18, screw her you can have a boyfriend if your brother hass one, does she let you go out? go out and have fun, you can have a boyfriend at 18 , you are mature and sound responsible,(she has never found anything in your room ,thats what makes me think you are respondsible) you are a good girl and your mom is being unfair, she needs to treat you like your brother. is there anyway you can leave your house and stay with a friend or get a job so you can move out. you need to leave this controling woman. she is too into your life and why is the question, have you done something in the past? maybe she is still dwelling on that.goodl uck.

Answer 7

I think you have a right to be irratated by your mother. This sounds like she completely doesn't trust. My advice would be to try and talk to her. Parents can be really difficult at times, trust me I know. If she doesn't want to try and cooperate with you then you should live by her rules for now. When you are 18 you will be legal and maybe you should try and live on your own. I'm not saying that you should wild out, be disrespectful to your mother, or completely go crazy, but as long as you live under your mother's roof you must follow her rules. Sorry I know it sucks, maybe you can show that you are responsible and she may change. I hope she does because an overprotective parent is aggervating. Good Luck :))!!!!

Answer 8

Many are confronted with this situation. It's nothing to worry.. just to be patient. First thing to do is.. not to let you mobile at home any more. Then, I think this search that she does through your things it's because you don't tell her anything about your personal life, the guys that you like..and so on. She has no information, so she seeks it herself. Try to be a little more comunicative, outspoken with her. Explain how you feel.. that you don't like her being behind you back all the time. Be more carefull, and make her understand that you need some freedom. Good luck!!

Answer 9

No, it is not wrong to be upset with her but there is nothing you can do about it other than point it out to her. Maybe you can start keeping a log of the times she has not let you do something but has turned around and let your brothers do it. For some reason we mothers are more protective of our daughters than we are of our sons. After you keep the log for a couple of weeks and there are several instances where she has let the boys do things that she won't let you do, maybe you can show it to her and show her how unfair she is being. I can't guarantee this will work but it might help.

Answer 10

You arent wrong. I went through the same thing with my grandparents I lived with. Just because you live in her house doesnt give her the right to invade every bit of your privacy. Unless you give her a reason not to. Which it doesnt seem you have. She need to respect your privacy and your boundries. You have every right to be upset. And this double standard is way off base. You need to find a family member or counsleor you trust to talk to and see how to handle your mom.
I can honestly say I wont go through my sons things unless he gives me a reason not to trust him. He is only 4 now and he understands that he doesnt get into mommie and daddy's room and we dont go rumaging through his. He respects others property even at this young age.
Good luck and I will keep you in my thoughts. Stay strong!