She doesn't yet know how large the gap actually is. That has become my greatest fear. We are almost engaged. If she really loves me, it won't matter -- but still I worry.
This is probably is not the best place, but it is all I have right now.
2006-06-26 08:51:56 · 83 answers · asked by TheSkeptic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I never told her my age. I pass for younger all the time and this is the first time it ever mattered. Several years went by and produced this dilemma. In fact, I never thought we would be discussing marriage at all.
2006-06-26 09:24:00 · update #1
FWIW, I am 38 and she is 21 (with her two small children).
2006-07-06 12:46:39 · update #2
Wow almost engaged and she doesn't know your true age ... now that's some sh!t !
I don't think the age matters I think you lying for so long is the problem !
As long as she loves you and you can keep up with her then you should be fine !
2006-06-26 08:55:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the age gap is a minor problem compared to your purposely misleading her. She has 2 kids and you've been together for several years. Something doesn't add up here.
Anyway, I think the sooner you tell her, the better. If you get married, you should be honest and open with each other. If you can't do that, then why are you even considering marriage? I think if I was you, I'd be the one wondering if I wanted to commit to someone that young, and take on 2 kids. But hey, it's your life. I hope you know what you're doing. Good luck with all of it.
2006-07-09 00:42:14 · answer #2 · answered by percolated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me tell you something. First of all when you ask a question like that I already know you have a long wasy to go. If you are a young man ready to make a decision for the rest of your life as to encounter a relationship with ojne that age is a factor...drop it now!
Get your life in gear and prepare your self for the future. If you engage now, your gonna regret it later. The younger generations today think wow she 's cute and lay down with her and bam your talking marriage...forget that crap.
Prepare your destiny in life and be a good man to your self first and then down the road when you got your stuff together you will be ina position to take on more responsibility, but right now I think your way over head because you have to question an age Gap.
Peace Dude!!
2006-07-10 07:57:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are nearly engaged and she doesn't even know how old you are...you have deeper issues.
Marriage is about trust and honesty.
So, strap it on, step up to the plate and lay it out there. If you love her she needs to know the truth.
By the way, this isn't some awful secret...age is just a number if she is in love with you, it shouldn't be an issue. I think you are worried about nothing. It's not like you are covering up some horrible past, like a former marriage or worse...you are just older than her.
Worse case scenario is that she is changing your diapers while she's still in her 60's...LOL. But true love is blind.
2006-07-09 06:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by painfully blunt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a woman maternal instincts drive her more than anything else, after she has kids. So if she has two kids and you're accepting them as much as her into your life, and she's in love with you, and not just looking for a father figure (for her kids, lol), then I would take a chance. The only negative I can see is that you still haven't told her your age - that's the spanner in the works. Will it change the way she feels? A large chance that it wont, but she will feel a wee bit cheated. You will need to make up big time, my friend.
2006-07-09 01:47:45 · answer #5 · answered by Saurabh1967 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what i think is crappy about it is that you did not tell your age truthfully in the beginning now you are in love and wasn't to marry that is great was to start a marriage lying will really show her how much you love and trust her . you did not believe that you could keep her at your true self so you did not give her a chance to decide you never know she might have loved you regardless and if she is just now 21 how old was she when you met i think you are a lame for not telling the truth and to answer your question 17 is not a bad gap when the person knows upfront and can make a great decision for themselves
2006-07-10 05:18:17 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may sound gross and disturbing, but is she looking for a husband or a father figure...i know yousaid she did not know your age and whatnot, but I am sure the way you carried/presented yourself gave it away some what...i am 23 and was with some 13 years older than me...so, i was in that situation and maybe it would have worked but who know...i did not try...one of my many problems...anyways...if you guys truely love each other than i could work, but just remember how much you grew up and change when you were her age so she is not going to be the same person 5 years from now
2006-07-07 18:24:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is sixteen years older than me.
He didn't tell me about the age difference for a month. But by then it was too late! What would have been a turn off initially simply didn't matter now, because I was already madly in love with him!!
So what was I going to do? Live in regret for the rest of (his) life? Sounds like the hard part is over. She's already open to the idea of marrying you, so I say Tell Her!
Good Luck!
2006-06-26 09:11:51 · answer #8 · answered by emilsignia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be open and honest with her and tell her that although you may look and act much younger, you are 17 years older and you care so much for her that you were afraid of losing her if you told her your real age. You should sit down and talk to her soon, before you are engaged. You are absolutely right; if she really loves you your age difference won't matter. Best of luck.
2006-07-10 07:03:05 · answer #9 · answered by doc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well is your girlfriend over the age of 18? People say that age is just a number and I agree but you shouldn't have kept that from her. That is a big deal to some and may be to her too. Tell her and see where it goes from there. If she really loves you, then it won't matter.
2006-07-09 12:56:18 · answer #10 · answered by hot chocolate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her your true age now, not later- age really does not matter since you are both grown, but not being honest is wrong. If she leaves you, it is better that she does it now , not after you are married to her. You probably can not keep it a secret forever- even if you could, it would be too stressful. Come clean with her, either she loves you or she does not. Do not start your marriage with a lie, it is not worth it to lie about your age.
2006-07-07 18:40:52 · answer #11 · answered by RY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋