What's the best way to avoid an awkward scenario at my son's 11th birthday w/ my ex and his wife there?

Question

I'm really starting to stress about this big party we're having for my son. What's the best way to handle the weirdness,awkwardness with my ex husband and his wife there? We don't hate eachother, but we don't necessarily love eachother, either. Any suggestions besides putting a smile on my face would be appreciated. Thanks!

Answer 1

Would it be just as awkward if your husband would not bring the lady with her? Does the son live with them or you? If your son does not live with them, then perhaps it may be possible for you to ask your husband if he can come by himself and not put his wife in the awkward position of attending the birthday of a boy who is not hers. Also let him know that if it is awkward for him to do so, he can come with his wife. After all the other woman may feel equally awkward to visit your son's birthday and may be coming to please your husband (whose son's birthday it is) and not hers. If she comes along, be kind and compassionate to her. KNOW it, that it is just as awkward or more for her as well, for really SHE is the odd man out!!

Answer 2

Remember who this party is for! Now, breathe, mind your manners and hold your tongue. If your ex and his wife want to act like children, fine, don't stoop to their level! You say that you aren't in a place that you hate each other, but for obvious reasons you don't love each other--fine, now repeat after me:
This party is for my son. This party is for my son. This party is for my son. I will do my best to make his birthday a happy occasion. I will not fall into someone elses negativity. I will be positive and smile. I will have a good time. My son will have a good time. My son having happy memories of this birthday is all that matters.
Then after the party is over, and everyone has left--give yourself a pat on the back cuz you pulled it off! That's the way you be a good mom!

Answer 3

Besides putting a smile on your face? Sorry, that's all I've got. That's all you really need. Greet them and let them know how happy your son is that they came, and then show them where the party is. Introduce them around to some of the other parents or whatever friends and relatives are there--this will not only make them feel welcome, but it will give them someone besides you to talk to. Be nice to them no matter what, and make it clear how happy you are and how important it is to little Jimmy that they came to the party.

Answer 4

Perhaps you should take some time to discuss some "ground rules" before the party. That way all parties are in agreement that this party is about your son, and not whatever underlying situations might be going on. If your focus is on your son, and not any other issues, there won't be the awkwardness. :)

Answer 5

I have the answer. I didn't understand as a child when my mother had her husbands ex over for Christmas , AND smiled AND served her like the best guest she ever had! But now as an adult I know why she did the things she did. His children had visitation rights with her, thus they were ruled by court to make them available for her on holidays etc. But rather than ruin the holidays for us all by arguing and fighting, or by dividing us up for them, she chose to be the Christian and treat his ex as a house guest. I hated it, I didn't understand since my dad was not allowed to see us, but it has paid off for us all in the long run. My step-father just passed away in march, his ex has been dead several years, but her family was all there for my mother (and his children) when he passed. there were lots of nice stories of those holidays.

Answer 6

Just try to focus all the attention on your son. If things become too tense, walk away. I think it is wonderful that you are able to be together in the same room. My parents could never do that. I'm sure that will mean a lot to your son, if not now, later.

Answer 7

Remember the real reason for the gathering.Your son deserves the love and respect from all you and your ex.Remember foremost in your thoughts this is his day, if you can't then stay away.However I belive that you can be strong and enjoy yourself and let him know he's loved and doesn't need to decide between you or your ex-husband.

Answer 8

Unfortunately, it's not about either you or your ex. you're ex's new wife REALLY has nothing to do wit it. The day is all about your son. You and your ex both have to do what is best for HIM, not yourselves. Relaize that you and him are both tied forever because of your son. Whatever problems you two have, need to be put on the back burner as to not ruin your son's birthday.

Answer 9

both mine and my husband's parents are divorced. me and my sister have small children where all the (grand)parents are invited.

my parents are childish about everything...my mom sits near my dad to piss him off...my dad's family talks about my mom within hearing distance. it's all very childish.

my husbands parents are very civil. they are both re-married and believe it or not...all sit at the same table and bull-**** back and forth with each other (new wives, new husbands, old couple) it's very odd, and sort of a breath of fresh air.

i'm very glad that his parents can suck it all up for the sake of the children.

my advice, either dont say anything at all (including no dirty looks). or if you want to be the bigger person go up and say hi to both. you dont have to have a long conversation, but you will definately be the bigger person for doing so.

Answer 10

Just great them and say thanks for coming and then go do your thing you'll be handling the kitchen and visit w/ the other people and forget they are even there I'm assuming that ur sonlives w/ you so just let dad and hoochie b/w ur son while you do other things that way u wont have to be w them.
its his day u gotta do what makes ur son happy