Abuse question....?

Question

If a parent beats a child (phsyical abuse), then the child grows up and repeats the same behavior, whos fualt is it? The adult because he taught the abuse, or the child because he chose an abusive path.

I was curious to see what others thought.

before you answer think of something, since the child was abused one he/she was a child. He/she might belive it is the correct way to act. Even if you dont agree think about it.

By the way, I never said what I wrote was any of my theroies. I mearly said "I just wanted to know what others thought". Makes for an intresting question, doesn't it?

Answer 1

We are responsible for our own actions. No-one has forced the said person to committ these acts.

Answer 2

I think it's a little of both. On the one side, the child has learned this from their parents and therefore it is all they know so no matter what they have learned in school and on TV they may think that this is what a healthy relationship/parenthood is all about.

But there is proof that not all abused children continue the cycle of abuse, then there must be some point in an abused persons life when they realize that something isn't right in their situation and that they should repeat their parents mistakes. I think that decision gets made when the person has a healthy role-model and is able to see past everything they have experienced.

I believe it takes a strong person to push past the violence. And I applaud any one who is capable of doing it, and hope they can help others do the same.

Answer 3

This is a tough question to begin to answer. I've been there along with 3 other sibblings. Now after many years of living with the childhood I had, each child reacts different. Of course the parents created this problem but the child has to work through it. Some follow in the teaching they had from their parents others work very hard not to. Myself for instance wanted to be the best mom in the world, giving my children all the love I had to give. My younger sister couldn't stand to see children treated good. She thought children that were not beaten were spoiled. She to this day misses a normal childhood and hates every child that has it good (she jealous) Thank God she has never been able to have children. So out of four kids two of us made it and two are still letting the pass rule their lives. I enjoy seeing and giving children what I didn't have, I think it makes my inner child happy and I get such a good feeling. I use to say why me, but now I know that everything that happens, happens for a reason, and you need to learn the lessons so than you can teach others what you have learned. My favorite place to spend free time is at the crisis center for children. Turning tears into smiles if only for a day, it's a day of smiles they wouldn't of had. I pray for all the many children who are being abused everyday and hope that someone comes into their lives and helps heal their scars and give them back something they missed (their childhood) no matter how old they are. I 'am still working on my inner child and I'am 56 years years old.

Answer 4

Good question!

You might ask the same for children whose parents exhibited a range of behaviors - from drinking too much, smoking, mainlining heroin down to using foul language or chewing with their mouths open.

If you see a child with bad table manners, you blame the parents; the child doesn't know any better. Once the child is an adult, you blame him/her.

Some people rise above their upbringing, some don't. I'd blame the adult the child became.

Answer 5

It is the abusers fault no matter if it was a learned behavior or a chosen one. I was abused as a child and have never once even thought about abusing my children or grandchildren. And I'm not talking about a spanking on the behind either. I'm talking about beatings so bad that my sister and I had to wear long sleeves and long pants in the summer in Florida to cover up the evidence of the beatings.....She has never abused her children either....

Answer 6

I believe abused children become abusers themselves because it is all they've ever known and so think that is the only way to live. The way to break the chain of abuse is for the abused child to be removed from the situation if at all possible and if that hasn't happened they should have extensive therapy when they become adults.

Answer 7

Let's see... in today's society, the abusive parents would be blamed for the adult son's abusive behavior. In my life, this adult broke the cycle and realized that my parents did the best they could with what they had. That doesn't excuse the abuse, but hanging on to anger just isn't healthy!

Answer 8

abuse is something that many suffer but it is not just a life of abuse - they also have school and friends and they dont always learn every thing from home. I do not nor will I ever believe that someone who suffer abuse also becomes abusive.
I was physically abused and I never have nor do I have the desire to abuse anyone for any reason.

Answer 9

First of all, other peoples wrong doin is their own.....and not ours....it's only ours when we make it.
When you grow older, and become and adult yourself, you learn that you have choices in life. If you choose to become abusive aswell, it's your fault and not the fault of those who abused you.
It could become a cycle, but when you grow older and wiser, you realize that you can discipline yourself and not repeat your parent's mistake.
There is no need for you to become an alcoholic if your father was an alcoholic...all you need is wisdom, and self discipline.
It will be your fault if you choose to abuse.....
Good luck

Answer 10

so many people use their childhood as a excuses to behave in what ever manor,yes children learn what they live,but when they become adults they should take responsibility for there actions.
but it's easier to blame other people for are choices.and a lot depends on the level of abuse the simple but smacking i got growing up are no thought of as abuse,

Answer 11

We may not be able to choose what happens to us all the time. But we can choose how to respond to them. I grew up in a family where my mum would beat me with whip or using her pair of slippers. It hurt me. I also went to a school where I was bullied.
But I have decided not to repeat the errors of the past. I can choose how to respond to situations.

If you beat up your children because your parents beat you up, you take responsibility for your actions. Life is a life of choices. Despite our past, we have the chance to be good or to be bad. It is now not a matter of how rich or how poor you are. We all have a conscience, and your conscience can tell you if what you are doing is wrong or right.