I'm not sure if I can handle THAT long of a distance in a long distance relationship. Especially if his life is being put in danger every second of the day. So I guess my question is: What should I do? I really like him and believe it could turn into love if we stayed together but I have a lot of stress in my life already and I'm not sure if I could handle the added stress!
2006-06-26 08:16:15 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
He had already gone to Iraq when I started dating him and I didn't figure he'd have to go again. I dunno... I guess I am being selfish and I would NEVER cheat on him!
2006-06-26 13:42:48 · update #1
granolakid is telling the truth. I get too much junkmail so I rarely check my email
2006-06-26 21:14:07 · update #2
Listen honey...I was in the Navy for 6 years, and went through my own relationship issues.
You have to look yourself in the heart: do you love this young man? If you do, he will return, and all of this will be forgotten.
If you separate from him, AND you still love him...I just don't see the benefit there for you.
I am sure you already know this, but those who serve in the armed forces are very passionate for what they believe in...is this so bad to have in a bf/fiance/spouse? He is patriotic, and after his time is done he will be a hard working provider. Are you sure you want to say no now? You may find better...but since I don't know him...that is for your own heart to decide.
WHATEVER YOU DO: don't send him a Dear John letter while he is overseas. Break cleanly before he goes...or wait for his return.
Good luck in your decision. It is your life...but him being in danger every second of the day says something about his personality. It is stressful. I know. When I married my wife we were actually both in the Navy, and I know neither of us was in danger like your hon, but still...separation breeds anxiety. Think about this: if something happens to him...and you split up with him before he went, would you feel any less pain? If you are the person I am taking you to be, I bet not.
Take care.
Just remember...make sure your decision comes from the heart...not the brain. Sometimes our brains think too much!
2006-06-26 21:29:31 · answer #1 · answered by powhound 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really love him don't abandon him when he needs you most. My husband is on his second tour and it's been a very difficulty time for both of us and before he left the second time I told him I wanted a divorce because I couldn't do this again but then I realized how much I really love him and how much he really needed my support, more then ever. He has been gone now eight months and we always keep in touch either by emails, letters, care packages, the best thing is to always keep the communication going. It's a very, very difficult time for both of you but if you have LOVE, FAITH and HOPE everything will be ok, just be glad you don't have any children, we have a four year old, so I have to take care of him, the house, pay the bills, do it all, I am stressed all the time but what I'm going through here is nothing compared to what he is going through there, at times I feel guilty that he is living the way he is and I'm here enjoying a great meal everyday, sleeping in a comfortable bed, coming and going as I please, It's not easy for them over there at all, you just have to be strong for the both of you, if you really love him stay with him, love conquers all.
2006-07-02 15:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by Eunice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you did stay together, you'd have to put up with this situation throughout your relationship. I'm an Army wife, and the military lifestyle has a way of weeding out mediocre marriages--you're either really, really strong, or you fall apart first time out. There's a much higher divorce rate.
So this is a good test. He might be having the same question, so you should talk about it openly. You might decide that neither of you are ready for this, or you might reach a new level of commitment. But you do need to decide--there's no skating through this one. A military relationship demands a whole new level of openness.
When my husband was in Iraq, all there was for us to do was talk--on the phone, online, in letters and tape recordings and videos. We talked about a lot of things we never had before, because it was the only contact we had. It was great. So you might be surprised. You have to work so much harder to involve the person in your life, and that means a lot of thought and commitment. If it works for you, it really works.
2006-06-26 09:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by smurfette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well like another person said, you will never know until you try. I, myself, am dating someone in the army and he is deployed right now and it is hard because I miss him alot. I haven't cheated on him because we have true love. I think you should stay with him but while he is gone just find things to do to stay busy so you won't think about him so much. And when you do these things, time will go by faster and he will be home before you know it. You won't even realize how long you've waited. Deployment for you should be a time for you to see how much you care about him and focus on the relationship more and if you have endured his first tour then you should remain in the relationship with him. If you try to move on, I'm telling you now, it's not going to work because your heart will always wonder about him. Stay you might get what you want out of it.
2006-07-05 22:29:35 · answer #4 · answered by Pooh Bear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been separated for 3 years. He is in the navy. If you think there is a chance stay with him. Just think if you break up with him you are still going to worry about him when he goes. But do not break his heart while he is over there. He will need your support on this. You knew he was military when you started dating him. You should of ask yourself that question long ago. Let me tell you something it sucks when he is gone. But it does make the relationship stronger.
2006-06-26 11:26:04 · answer #5 · answered by nay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really care for him and believe that there can be a future, you'll stick with him. My husband left 13 days shy of our first anniversary and we had a three month old son. Trust me, I know stress. It's rally not that bad. You learn alot more about one another. If you decide to stay with him and support him, DO NOT CHEAT!!! Also, do not break up with him while you are there. The people that do that are despicable! If you stay with him, you'll have to support him from home, it helps for them to know that they have someone to come back to. Write lots of letters and e-mails, send tons of care packages (baby wipes and candy are always good) and always have you're phone with you so you don't miss a call. Good luck in your decision. Tell him to be safe (and by the way, just so you know, more Americans die on our highways every year than in Iraq so he should be fine). If you need more help on the subject, feel free to e-mail me.
2006-06-26 09:22:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a soldier engaged to another soldier, in our two years together we have spent almost 12 months of it apart. We maintain our relationship through trust and communication. If you honestly think that you cannot handle it, tell him and talk it over, and if he is reasonable he will understand the sacrifices on both your parts. Another option is to mutually break it off with the stipulation of getting back together when he returns, that way you are both free while he is deployed. If you do stick it out, maintain 100% honesty, he will appreciate it more than you know. My guy knows I flirt my butt off, but at the end of the day I go home alone. Best of luck with your soldier.
2006-07-04 13:34:44 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My now husband and I started dating about a month before he left to go overseas. It was worth every minute of waiting and worrying. If you think it could be love then wait and find out. If you are absolutely sure that you can't wait for him that long then end it now. It will be harder on him if you do it while he's there. There are alot of people you can talk to while he's gone. My husband is now on his second deployment in three years and believe me it gets lonely but you'll get through it. Your probably alot stronger than you think you are. If you need to talk you can always email me. Good Luck!
2006-07-06 15:06:54 · answer #8 · answered by SSG wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations. You are dating a hero.
Whether or not you stay with him is a question of how well you two go together and how happy the two of you are.
Stress is no reason to leave him, after all if he goes to Iraq he is going though stress you can't imagine and as far you you stated he is not considering leaving you.
You shouldn't always think of only yourself, if you really like him you wouldn't be so self-centered..
2006-06-26 08:21:42 · answer #9 · answered by Boob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really like this guy and are truely and 100% committed to him, then what difference does it make if he goes to Iraq? It really doesn't change your relationship much. Yes, you will worry about him while he's gone, and yes you won't hear from him very often. But if you really like him, it won't matter how far he goes or how long he goes. What will matter is that he comes home safe so that you can continue your lives together.
2006-06-26 08:37:10 · answer #10 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋