Serious, sincere questions only (no smart-as ses or pri cks!) How would you handle this situation: You've always considered yourself straight but a gay guy who you're acquainted with admits to you that he likes you AND it turns out that you find yourself attracted to and/or developing feelings for him as well. What would you do?
2006-06-26 07:38:59 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.S. I'm gay, so this advice is not for me.
2006-06-26 07:41:09 · update #1
I'm not a guy but I am going to give you advice that might help. I would say if that happened the person who is already openly gay, needs to be tender and take things slow. They also need to let their friend know that they are understanding and accepting of the fact that if they want to stop things at any point they will respect them for that decision, I would think just in that case as you would if it was a male/female relationship, act on your feelings and if you aren't feeling it then back away just like you would any other relationship. Good Luck!
P.S. As for what some people said about oh he must be BI or how can someone straight be attracted to a gay guy? Well for that one, the same goes for women. I was with men most of my life and then I met this girl (one girl) I started a relationship with her, was with her for almost 2 years, and we broke up now I have a boyfriend. I wouldn't call myself a lesbian or bi, I tried something it didn't work out, so I went back to what I truely like. As a lot of people say, noone is really BI, they are just confused~
2006-06-26 07:47:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a pretty loaded question, because you don't really understand what you are asking.
There is a scale with "totally straight" on one side and "totally gay" on the other. Most people fall somewhere between these two extremes meaning that many guys have the potential to be attracted to men and many gay men have the potential to be attracted to women.
There is a very big difference between recognizing that a man is attractive and finding yourself attracted to another man. Most people are going to say that they wouldn't sleep with him because they are not gay. I think you might actually BE gay.
Honey if you seriously feel that you are attracted to a man and that you are developing feelings for him, perhaps you should experiment with something that may make your life better. There is no shame in being gay and if you feel like you could have a happy relationship with a man, you should go for it. Perhaps you will find being gay liberating.
Have you seen the movie "saving silverman"? In this movie the girl convinces Jack Black that he is gay. She doesn't "trick" him into becoming gay, he realizes that he IS gay. I think you may have a similar situation here. There is no shame in being gay or having feelings for a man and no one is trying to trick you into being gay. If you are gay, just be gay!
edit: after the PS
Oh, well then what I would say is don't count on a straight boy falling for a gay boy, it'll probably end in heartache.
2006-06-26 14:44:59 · answer #2 · answered by QuestionWyrm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it is normal for straight men to at one time or another "think" about another guy, it is by far another thing alltogether to find yourself developing feelings for them. I've personally never been in the situation myself. But as a straight guy I'd have to say I'd probably put my foot down and set boundries on the friendship. (basicly tell my friend not to go there) As long as he were able to do that I would be fine.
Sometimes friends can become intimate (not sexually) and feel for each other, that is not necessaraly an attraction of a sexual nature, nor is is feelings of romantic love. It's more of a platonic thing. you can share feelings with someone of the same sex and not be Gay or Bisexual. You just need to be clear of the seperation between mind and body.
You being the "straight guy" need to decide for yourself wether this is worth trying. You sound like you still have some questions about yourself, or new questions are forming. I'd say you need to do a little soul searching before you jump into anything.
(edit) You are the "gay guy" then you need to let your friend make up his mind. Don't press the issue, and don't try to force him into a decision (and don't even think of getting him drunk). Just let him decide for himself and if it doesn't workout, then someone else will come along.
2006-06-26 14:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by lovpayne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think you might be younger....so am answering this accordingly. People look for sex or relationships because they have feelings of emotional attachment. We are all sensual and can enjoy a variety of things....whether you identify primarily or at any time with the same sex is your own choice.
My advice would be not to experiment just to see....bad idea since you not only lose the friendship with your gay friend who is likely truly your friend..you cause yourself the trauma of trying a gay expereince that might be a distasteful memory for you. (no pun intended)
I'd suggest trying to explore your confusion over what your feelings are before assuming it means you should have sex with your friend. Some friendships can be close without meaning it will move toward a sexual relationship. The most common mistake I made when I was young was making a lot of female friends..and the relationships usually moved toward the sexual side. Its like the sitcom ...can't remember which one...that joked about the character who had no female friends he hadn't slept with or wanted to sleep with.
2006-06-26 14:48:49 · answer #4 · answered by silversurf88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check with yourself how homophobic you are. If not, go with the flow and see where you end up.
If you are discuss it with him and decide to ignore it, you won't be the first one.
Most people really aren't straight or gay, but a mix with preference for one, or morbidly afraid of becoming the other.
For love you need two people, it does not matter what gender. The "choice" where to go with that love is personal and based on too many factors. Go with the love either way, leave the choice for later.
2006-06-26 14:47:40 · answer #5 · answered by Don't look too close! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stuff like this can be really shocking to a person. Especially with males (obviously... considering some of the responses you got such as... "Shoot myself") If he feels like he is becoming attracted to this guy, and its the first time for him... I would suggest taking it slow, but move in closer to find out how he really feels. Mainly, just keep the friendship going until he realizes what he really wants.
2006-06-26 14:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by Trucey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was straight, then I dont see why he would be attracted as u said in the last sentence "AND it turns out that you find yourself attracted to and/or developing feelings for him as well". That would mean he was BI!
2006-06-26 14:42:25 · answer #7 · answered by ♪♫jessy♫♪ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel like there are real feelings there, then go for it. Its not like you cant go back to being straight after that. In a sense, if the feelings are pervasive, you will only ever know if you try it.
2006-06-26 14:43:02 · answer #8 · answered by zw88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if that happened, you arent straight, youre gay, or bi, but whatever, do what feels comfortable, but im straight, i have no feelings like that for any guy, and if you dont wanna go with him, just dont bend over in front of him
2006-06-26 14:41:38 · answer #9 · answered by zombie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being gay n all is stupid n disgusting. get a life loser!!!!
2006-06-26 14:46:39 · answer #10 · answered by SJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋