Is it wrong to want REVENGE and hold a resentment???

Question

Without being specific, someone I love dearly has been hurt physically and emotionally by someone else ...i despise the person that hurt my loved one...I try to live my life as peacefully as possible without ill feelings -- but, if you knew my story you would feel the same way...
How can I let go of these negative feelings i have? praying for someone evil is not easy to do

p.s the one hurt is a very,very young person

you all have given me some great answers. thanks very much....you're all right. god said, ' VENGEANCE IS MINE"..AND ALSO, no good comes of evil

Answer 1

i think you'll have to wait awhile...come to terms with what happened...you don't have 2 forgive someone right after they hurt you or a loved one deeply. i figure that as long as you're not out to kill them you're ok. remember God doesn't expect you to LOVE this person...he's probably angry at what they did too- and give it some time.

Answer 2

This is coming from a Christian, so feel free to take it or leave it:
Your sense of justice is part what makes you human. I wouldn't apologize for that. You're probably in part sensing God's heart on this issue.

I would say, though, that seeking revenge and holding onto resentment is wrong. Even if you don't think so, it's at least not healthy. It's not good for you, physically, emotionally, etc.

So here's my two-fold advice:
1. Realize that forgiving doesn't mean saying "what you did is okay. It didn't matter." Rather, forgiving is saying, "I'm not going to hold this against you."

2. Realize that God is a God of justice and in the end everyone gets their due. If you touch even a small part of that, understanding you don't need to worry about it and that God will repay... it makes it much easier to let go of your own judging of that person to cry out for mercy for them. You may know God as your Father, but get to know Him as you Judge.

Remember He is also rich in mercy. Good thing, too, or we'd all be toaster pasteries. And we'd deserve no less.

And consider that the Lord also sees your own heart and how you are responding internally to this situation. No, it's not easy to pray for someone evil. It takes divine love. And it takes realizing we're all evil.

Hope that helps. Bless you in this healing process. It's really, really hard.

Answer 3

Its normal to feel hateful towards someone, but is revenge really worth it if you get caught or end up with life in prision??? Not saying you would do something that extreme but sometimes some ppl fly off the handle there and put themseleves in very bad postion. I would suggest maybe some counseling to help deal with this hurt and resentment you have inside, that will help you deal with all the negative feelings. Or maybe just writing it down in a journal and just getting it all out on paper might help to. Either way as long as your venting is not hurting anyone else and it's helping then I say continue that process and as time goes by the hate/rage will slowly tamper off.. Good luck.

Answer 4

Revenge is a dish best served cold.
The christian bible offers no assistance, an eye for an eye in one chapter and turn the other cheek in another.
My own child was hurt badly in an obscene and unnatural way. I avenged. I had to move and lost everything I owned. This was 9 years ago and I have NEVER regretted the decision to vigilante justice.
"Christians" may tell you to let the lord handle it, but "He helps only those who help themselves." Everything except murder and rape can be forgiven and gotten over with time...
I put myself in my daughters place and tried to do what the grown woman she would become would want from her mama.
She loves better because she knows her mama will stop at nothing for her safety, and for the safety of other children.
I have no regrets and feel a sense of savage pride. I face my God with a clear mind and peaceful heart. I did the right thing. That man is not capable of harming another child, ever.
I wrestled with the decision for several weeks before I took action. I had no peace until I was finished. I have peace in my heart and my mind, and my child is very happy and well adjusted because she knows it will not ever happen to her without consequence.

Answer 5

Animosity is a dangerous thing especially if it drives a person to act in a manner that reflects back. Meaning that haboring ill feelings about a particular person is one thing, acting out those feelings is another.
Provided that no crime has been committed, the best alternative is to acknowledge your feelings, then let them go and allow "karma" to work.
Everyone, everytime, in everyway pays for their mistakes. The issue most people have is " it is NEVER in the time frame they want it to be". Sometimes, Karma takes it time, savoring the time for "getting even" to when it serves a "real lesson", not just a fleeting "I shouldn't have done that, or this". Karma strikes when a person least expects it and it oftentimes happens all by itself.
People who damage other people with ill regard, usually get a payback solely by THEIR OWN ACTIONS.
If a crime has been committed, ( kind of sound like it did) then work closely with the police and authorites. The system works if everyone plays by the rules in "catching" a criminal. It may take awhile, and it may seem like nothing is being done, but again, "it doesn't happen in one persons acceptable time frame.
Normally, people want the "aggravating party" to pay, NOW. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, but I assure you, they ALWAYS PAY IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, AT SOME TIME AND PLACE THAT ONLY THEIR OWN ACTIONS WILL DICTATE.
As for you, let it go. The injured party needs your full attention to recover, they don't need constant reminders of whatever it was that happened. This, of course is that the "act" was not criminal.
Not everyone like everyone, that's ok. Just stay clear of this person, don't speak to them, look at them, go about your life as if they just don't exsist. Even if they are part of your "inner circle" this can be accomplished with determination on your part. Personally, I simply say to the situation and the offending party/person, "I am done". That simple, that easy, I am done, no more. It works for me. When I say that, everyone and anyone who knows me, knows I mean it with everything I am.
Let God handle the prayers on this one, at least until you can resolve whatever happened or whatever needs to be done. God knows your human and subject to certain restrictions. Pray if you must for your friend and yourself, God will take care of the "bad guy". ( It is a bad guy, isn't it)
Good will, and good luck to you all.

Answer 6

Yes, it is wrong to want revenge and hold a grudge. Your only human so having these feelings is not bad, especially when you feel the need to avenge a loved one.But still the rules of society say that to give in to these feelings would not be justifiable. It would only be a means to an end, and in the end would you feel better for it if you had your revenge? Hopefully not. Just keep a silent vigil because one day the person who did the evil deed shall have their comeuppance.

Answer 7

Yes, it is wrong to want revenge and hold resentment!...for this will not help the matter anyway, it will cause you to become bitter and stony hearted!......Praying for someone evil and can be done through faith!.......(read: mark 11: 25, 26).......To that person name (koldpl), who made a ignorant remark about all women!....you've got some messed up views about women, and there are lots of Real Godly Men that knows the truth and wouldn't Agree with you!.....I suggest you seek after Wisdom and learn some truth from them!

Answer 8

no matter what wrong was done, it is wrong to want revenge and hold on to resentment. all it does is eat you alive inside, it does nothing to help the hurt one nor does it punish the one who did the hurting. no, it is not easy to pray for an evil person, but it is what God asks us to do and it helps purge the hate from us. this person hurt this other person because they have something wrong with them. they need God in their life to help straighten them out.

however, forgiveness does not mean that you don't do all you can to keep this person away from the one they hurt and keep them from having the opportunity to hurt again -- just that it is not to be done in a vindictive way.

Mat 5:43 You have heard people say, "Love your neighbors and hate your enemies."
Mat 5:44 But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you.
Mat 5:45 Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong.
Mat 5:46 If you love only those people who love you, will God reward you for that? Even tax collectors love their friends.
Mat 5:47 If you greet only your friends, what's so great about that? Don't even unbelievers do that?
Mat 5:48 But you must always act like your Father in heaven.

Answer 9

I know for me being a Christian, some people are just hard to love. The best thing to do is to pray for yourself to be able to forgive first. After time, you will eventually forgive. It may be a very LONG time, but it will happen. Honey, I've prayed a pile of rocks would land on the ones that have hurt me or my family, but it did me no good. Hahaha
Hang in there and keep praying.

Answer 10

the initial feeling of wanting revenge is normal. but it should fade with time.
taking revenge is not right, and can have so many unforseen ramifications that it shouldn't be done.

you have to find a way to let go of the anger and pain, and be there for the one that was hurt, not cause more hurt and pain. concentrate on helping the victim, and take comfort in knowing that those who do evil to others will get evil done to them. they make too many enemies, it will come back to them, just don't let it be you that dishes it out.

Answer 11

think about what you want to accomplish if you got your revenge. Now think if it's more about causing pain, or serving justice, or just making sure no one else was able to meet this person again, that will help you decide. It's easy to get angered, and there may not be much evidence out there to convince you to let it go, (I can't think of any for one). But think of yourself afterward, are you that kind of person?

which are you better at? comforting the wounded and making their life better and helping them move on? or are you better at damaging people?

Of course, there is also the premise of the police if a law was broken. People don't have to have actual bruises to show they have been hurt.