I am Babysitting a 4 yr old boy that has had little or no discipline..what can I do with this child?

Question

His mother told me to bust his butt but he isnt my child and I dont think it would do any good. I threathened him with a fly swat cause she said thats what she does and it works for avout 3 minutes then he is back to doing it again. I have took his toys, his blanket and nothing. Please help!!! Please no rudeness I am in need of help.

He doesnt listen to the parents either. They didnt start any kind of discipline until he was like 3. I know these people personally not just by babysitting. We I am babysitting him , I have him, My 2 kids and his little baby brother.

She is a good mother. She just didnt see discipline like I do and now she does. He was the only grand child for a while and that didnt help either. Its the same with the dad, dont listen to him either.

She didnt insist that i bust his butt she said if i need to then do so. She is not abusive, she just learned to late that you cant let them do whatever they want too.

Answer 1

first of all, it will be hard to discipline him since his mother/parents do not. you must remember that he isn't being bad, he's only being what he is allowed to be normally. he doesn't realize he's being bad. he's just being how he KNOWS to be. it's not his fault, it's the parents. if you hit him (like she says to), what would you do if you left marks (accidentally) and she reported you for child abuse? that can be on your permanent record and you may not be able to get certain jobs and could face jail time or probation. you need to be FIRM in punishment. all the good children's books say timeout should be 1 minute per year of age. do not lose your temper with him. either sit him on the couch with no tv, stand him in the corner, or hold him against you firmly for four minutes. i don't start time out with my kids until they are quiet. if they cry for two minutes and stop...the time starts then. i assume since you are asking this question, you will be watching him longterm. do the time out and stick with it, children learn through repetition. if he's still bad with his mom, that's her problem. if you stick with the time out, he will learn not to do those things around you. don't forget, his behavior is tolerated at home, it will take patience and quite a few times completing his four minutes of time out to get the new routine down. he'll get it, it'll just take time. don't threaten him, either, this will teach him he can threaten others. you are a roll model, take it seriously. good luck

Answer 2

No! No matter what the mother says, don't spank, pop, slap, or do anything physical to a child that isn't yours. If the mother decides that she didn't like what you did, she could press charges against you and what do you have except your word against hers. Never! Never! Never!

If it is too much for you to handle than, you might want to get out of it. The only person that matters is the child and it isn't doing him any good. In my opinion, it sounds like he is acting out against something and/or someone. Most of the time when children don't get attention, they will do it the only way that they know that will and that is by misbehaving. Instead of getting mad when he does something wrong, try rewarding him when he does something good. If he can behave for a couple of minutes, tell him that you will read him a book. Then if he can do it again, give him another treat. Lollipop, sucker, Popsicle or anything like that. Make a treasure box with little trinkets from the dollar store or cheap party favors from Wal-mart or Target. Rewarding is the best answer. He needs help and so do the parents. After a while, work up to one or two treats. Soon he should know that by the end of the day you will let him go get something from the box. Just like the dentist office when you were a kid. Same idea.

Answer 3

The best bet with this age group is to punish him IMMEDIATELY after he does something wrong. Take away his favorite toy, put him in the naughty chair (super nanny style) for 3 minutes, pay more attention to the other kids. When he throws a tantrum BECAUSE of the punishment IGNORE HIM. Don't talk to him, to acknowledge him, don't look at him. Play with the others as though nothing is going on. When he finally calms down after being punished, praise him for taking control of his feelings and tell him (in SIMPLE terms why he was wrong, and HOW TO CORRECT IT) continue with the same punishment each time he does the same bad thing but most importantly REWARD HIM when he doesn't. You should start to see improvement soon. And, you can share these techniques with the parents, so they can learn to control him too! After all, it'll work best if everyone is on the same page!

Answer 4

I taught 4&5 year olds for awhile and they can be a challenge to discipline but the good thing is that they can talk. Communication at this level is going to affect his behavior more when he has a choice. He is excercising his will and you have to allow that but just let him know what directions he can excercise his behavior towards. For instance, I did not have an assistant from time to time so would be responsible for the entire class that day. I would place a bell on the wall (a jingle bell necklace to be exact...smile) and everytime I left I woud say "This is the quiet bell, when I leave we aren't supposed to talk" I would ring the bell and walk away. I would just run the rest room or go and get the snack but when I would return I would ask "Did anyone talk?" Sometimes they would tell on themselves or on each other and I would say "We can only tell on ourselves did anyone talk?" If they did talk then I had the "choose" a punishment to help them learn that there is a consequence for our actions. Now before anyone calls out child abuse the "punishment" would be instead of coloring with markers, you had to color with crayons for the first five minutes; or more extreme that you got one cookie instead of two for snack. This was just to institute discipline in that if you do something bad as a grown-up you have to stand up to that consequence. If you speed you get at ticket, if you don't study you fail your test. It's not abuse it's just life preparation. I would give your four year old some choices...either he picks up his toys or he doesn't get captain crunch cereal he will get oatmeal instead (yes oatmeal can be punishment, lol). If he doesn't stop jumping on the furniture he will not be allowed to play outside, he will have to stay inside and color for a certain amount of time (use a kitchen timer to measure the time so he knows when his "punishment" is up). If physical discipline is to be administered it really should be by the parent if you are not comfortable following through with your "threat" then he sees you will not actually use the fly swatter and he is in charge. I also asked them if they started to cry when I said they couldn't use markers for 5 minutes "Did Ms. Netta yell at you?" they would tearfully shake their head no. then I asked "Did Ms. Netta hurt you?" They would say "No..." I would then say "Well why are you crying? Ms. Netta isn't mad at you but since you didn't listen you can't color with markers for a little while, when that time is up...you will be able to join in with everyone else." "Next time do you want to color?"...after they say "Yes" then I say "Well I need to see a HUGE smile and next time we have to use our ears to (we say together as I point at my ears) LISTEN!" It doesn't happen overnight but I rarely had problems when presenting my little students with choices and I had them on a daily/weekly basis.

Answer 5

When it comes to planning activities with him, I would try ones that he can't get too hyperactive with. Keep him calm, but productive so he won't be getting into trouble in the first place. I know that is hard and it takes a lot of patience, it works!

When you do have to do discipline, try time out. With my experience, when kids aren't familiar with time out, they won't just sit there. Make sure they are facing a blank wall, or door, don't let them close enough to the wall so they can push back on the chair. Stand behind them!!! That is key, when you see how upset they are it makes it harder on you to be stern and stand your ground. I have even had to hold a child in a chair before. It may sound mean, but it's better than spanking them, and they'll catch on.

It's gonna be hard, but patience and consistance is the key!!

Answer 6

why dont you try to keep him entertained by playing some games it sounds like he is very impatient. Kids like this need to be doing something constructive, I dont know if they have disney books you can read to him or some legos but all that time you have to help him sometimes all they need is some attention. Go out in the yard and play with a ball or something. There is alot of things I can think of. I have a 3 year old myself so I know what you mean. The only difference here is that is not your child. Dont spank him or hit him you can get yourself in trouble for that.

Answer 7

Consistent time outs. Keyword is consistent. At 4, his time outs should be 4 minutes long. I wouldn't worry about whether he listens to his parents...kids seem to sway with the adult who is in their company. When you put him in a time out, pick him up and sit him at a place that is out of the way of anything distracting. The middle of the couch can work. Set a kitchen timer for 4 minutes. If he tries to get up just pick him up and take him back. Don't argue with him or talk with him while he's in time out. If you have to tell him anything tell him "when the buzzer goes off we'll talk then". It shouldn't take that long for him to realize you mean business and he is not going to get away with anything. When he's being good tell him so! Kids seem to be bad either because they want attention or are tired or hungry. I've said before my boys are no angels but they are certainly well behaved most of the time.

Answer 8

Try the best you can... sit him down in a corner and say you will sit beside him to make sure he stays in the corner. And if he doesn't, you will tell his mother. The mom shouldn't have told you to spank the child, because that is her job. Not yours. And if she were to get angry with you for some reason, she could say you were hitting him. Also, explain to the mother that if his lack of discipline does not get better, you will not babysit any longer.

Answer 9

If the mother gave you permission, don't hesitate to pop the child. A good trick of the trade, use a ruler (or something of the such) and pop the bottom of the foot. I'll be honest, it stings but it won't leave any marks that you'll need to worry about. Otherwise, if he is touching things that he shouldn't be touching, pop his hand. Put him in timeout. Do something other then let him walk all over you.

Answer 10

How nice of the mother to offer that advice to you,no wonder the child has no discipline.
Has anyone tried to sit the boy down and find out his likes/dislikes?
Dont give him any fizzy drinks,children can be bribed without even knowing it.
Watch the boy when hes not looking,make a mental note of what makes him tick.
How does his mothers behaviour and treatment toward him affect him.
Find out what foods/drinks hes having and at what times,make a note of when he misbehaves and why.
You will be amazed at how us as adults have got it so wrong and you will probably find this young chap is frustratated and is bursting with energy with no release.
Dont punish the boy,find out why he behaves the way he does and try and help him.
good luck
christy