How do you tell an aging parent not to drive?

Question

MY mother is 78 and a cancer surivor, but the surgery she had (15 years ago) keep her from moving her neck to the right, she probably doesn't move it more than 15 to 20 degrees, meaning she changes lanes without the ability to fully check her right side.

Answer 1

I would tell her gently, expressing your concern for her well-being. And be sure to offer an alternative. And be ready to be a part of that alternative. Show you care by helping her with groceries or offering to help her find a place that's closer to the rest of the family, etc.

She sounds like a spunky woman--not every 78-year-old cancer survivor would still be driving. I'm sure the two of you can put your heads together and come up with a solution.

Answer 2

From another user's post:

"Introduce a tax that is connected to the drives age. Everybody over 60 pays $200 a year over 65 $400 and so on..use the proceeds to compensate medical bills for victims of drunk driving.

UH, yeah. Let's have the elderly take responsibilty for drunks now. Wow. Personally, since it is usually the young which have drinking issues. I think they should charge $2000 for say 18 - 25, $1500 for 26 - 35, $1000 for 36 45, etc.

That, at least, would be most reasonable.

Answer 3

I just had to have this conversation with my 88 year old grandfather. He was recently in a car accident and his insurance has declared his car a total loss. Although I can afford to get him a new car, I don't want him to drive any more because I don't want to be responsible for his next car accident. I basically discussed it with him from the perspective of money.

He currently pays a car payment (partial) and his insurance. I convinced him that he would be happier once he has that extra money for himself. He has access to public transportation and he also has sons and grandchildren who would be more than happy to give him rides whenever necessary. I convinced him that at his age he shouldn't have to worry about monthly payments. Surprisingly, it worked. He's looking forward to paying off his car with the check he gets from the insurance company and then after that he'll have an extra $419 dollars in his bank account every month. (The amount is almost half of his fixed monthly income.)

So my advice is make more out of the positive points than about the not driving. Good luck.

Answer 4

It was one of the most difficult discussions I have ever had with my father. Due to health issues and something I experienced while in the car with him I had to sit him down and talk to him. I explained that out of my love and concern for him and in his best interest I felt the time was nearing that he would no longer be able to drive. He wanted to know what made me think that. I explained about the incident when I was in the vehicle with him and little things I have noticed about his health.I went one step further and spoke to one of his doctors while he was present...it was agreed that while dad was mentally able to continue driving, medically there was a good chance within the year he would not.My father had tears in his eyes and looked at me....It was then that I put myself in his place.For that will be me at some point and it would kill me knowing that my last bit of Independence was being taken away. Bad enough , as with many elderly parents, they have health issues... had surgeries, are told what they can and can eat, they are restricted with movement, some live in pain everyday....Getting old is not fun to many and to take away this last "privilege" is unspeakable to them. Yet it has to be addressed for their safety and the safety of others.
If there are any Senior Organizations in your area call and maybe they can help.Talk to your moms doctors, other family members, friends, respite care workers...
God bless both of you and good luck my dear.

Answer 5

I know how you feel. My mother is 86 and has had several heart surgeries. Her driving reminds me of Mr. Magoo because she does everything wrong, but gets to her destination. I guess the best thing to do is have a serious talk with her and let her know your concerns for her safety. Maybe she'll hang up her keys. Good Luck!.....)(

Answer 6

You really have to just say it flat out. Working around it is really deceitful and just not a cool thing to do.

Remember that taking away driving is really an issue of taking away a part of her freedom and she might not be ready to give that up quite yet.

Address your concerns for her and the people around her. Her lack of mobility is a huge concern for you and if you are willing to assist her getting around, it's best to just say flat out.

Offer alternatives. Don't just cut her off. There has to be another way.

Answer 7

she should not drive, just be firm and tell her that. This is why elderly over a certain age should take a drviers test more often. Many stubborn old people don't want to be told what to do by younger people. You need to be strong if you care for their saftey.

Answer 8

that is a hard subject, my papa who died in 2005 thought he could drive but he had no clue how to do so, he had parkinsons and dimensia and for sure could not drive, it just couldnt understand why and it made my cry every time he would try to head to the garage, i wish you all the luck in the world on that subject sugar

Answer 9

my grand mother drove her cars until she died at 90, when she made mistakes while driving we teased her about thinking she was a teenager again,and told her she could not drag the main street any more and that mistakes like she made are what teenagers do and she was much smarter then that. and soon she got the idea and had one of us drive her around, if we could not she payed much more attention to her driving.

Answer 10

Take the keys!!!!! At that age they won't listen to anything else. Buy her a bus pass or a gift certificate to a taxi company.