....dont worry i am nit racist i just think some mexican jokes are funny and i havent heard one in awhile...ty!!!
2006-06-26 06:54:55 · 9 answers · asked by melfro117 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
why don't they hold the olympics in mexico??
because anybody who can run, jump, or swim is already here!
LOL
2006-06-26 07:03:36 · answer #1 · answered by bgdadyp 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Funny Mexican Jokes
2016-09-28 02:38:28 · answer #2 · answered by schugmann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Racist Mexican Jokes In English
2016-12-18 09:39:42 · answer #3 · answered by caren 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a Mexican went to the zoo n put his head inside lions cage..the manager came yelling, "Plz man get ur head out of the cage, i dnt need any trouble here!" the Mexican replied,, "calm down man, i ain't gonna eat it!!!"
Got it?
2006-06-26 08:07:10 · answer #4 · answered by shoosh_b 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i had a lot of them but the dude who answered earlier knew them all already
2006-07-02 15:35:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
american, french, chinese and mexican on boat!
boat caught in storm. sea god says " throw what your country has in excess!"
chinese says lots of chowmein and throws his tiffin in the water
french says lots of love, throws condom
mexican says lots of alcohol, throws his tequila
american picks up mexican and throws him. "are u satisfied sea god?"
2006-06-26 07:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by blueblast66 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
burrito
2006-06-26 07:06:08 · answer #7 · answered by willie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jajajajajaaa
2006-06-26 06:59:03 · answer #8 · answered by ♥Angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mexico Jokes
Q: What were the 2 Mexican FireFighting Brother's names?
A: Hose A and Hose B
Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: "What's in the bags?"
"Senior, It's only sand." replies Jose.
"Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!"
The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand.
Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose's shoulders, and he is let across the border.
Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: "What you got there?"
"Sand," says Jose.
A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border.
For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn't show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Bud," says the guard, "I know you're smuggling something. For a year it's driven me crazy. It's all I can think about... I can't get sleep, the kids are getting neglected...heck, even the dog senses I'm beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?"
Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: "Bicycles..."
Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, "I'm in the family way."
The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.
The maid replied, "Your husband and your son."
Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.
"Well," Aimara explained, "I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, 'You are in the way'. I go to the living room to clean and your son say 'You are in my way'. So I'm in the family way and I quit."
This Mexican dude was taking a pee on the side of a building and this Texan sees him. After the Mexican is done the texan bloke asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands after you pee?"
The Mexican smiles, "Senior, we Mexicans don't piss in our hands..."
A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
"Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozin, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?"
His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."
Did you hear about the Mexican who threw his wife over a cliff?
When the police officer asked him why he'd done it he said, "Tequila! Tequila!"
What kind of cans are there in Mexico?
Mexicans.
MEXICAN JOKES
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".....Mexican Joke submitted by Alan. The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
Why does a Mexican re-fry their beans? Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?
Why does a Mexican eat Tomales for Christmas? So they have something to unwrap
What are the first 3 words in the Mexican national anthem? "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
What kind of cans are there in Mexico? Mexicans.
What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook? "Steal a chicken"
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive" The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.
Why did God give Mexicans noses? So they'll have something to pick in the winter.
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
Why doesnt mexico have a olympic team? Because every mexican that can run, jump, and swim is already across the border!
What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?
Cuatro Cinco
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Why can't mexicans be firemen?
They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b
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How do you stop a Mexican tank?
Shoot the guy pushing it.
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Why are Mexicans so short?
They all live in basement apartments.
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How Do You Starve A Mexican?
Put Their Food Stamps In Their Work Boots.
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What do you call 100 mexicans working on a roof?
Chingos
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Juan,carlos,and antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. who wins?
Society.
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What do you call mexican basketball?
Juan on Juan.
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Did you hear about the winner of the mexican beauty contest?
Me neither.
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What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopuss?
I don't know but it could pick lettuce good.
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Why don't mexicans bbq?
The beans fall through the little holes.
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What are the first 3 words in every mexican cookbook?
steal a chicken
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Did you hear about that one mexican that went to college?
yeah.. me neither
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how do you stop a mexican from robbing your house?
put up a help-wanted sign
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What's the difference between a bench and a Mexican?
A bench can support a family (sorry, that one is really mean)
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What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower?
A miracle.
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What do you call a pool with a mexican in it?
Bean Dip.
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What do Mexicans pick in the off season?
Their nose.
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A bunch of Mexicans are running down a hill, what is going on?
Jail Break.
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What do you call a Mexican driving a BMW?
Grand Theft Auto.
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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Any Mexican that can run jump or swim is in the US!
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Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. (burn)
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Why do Mexicans drive low riders?
They are too short to get into any other type of car.
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What is the greatest Mexican invention?
A solar powered flash light.
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Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?
Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?
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What do you do when a Mexican is riding a bike?
Chase after him, it's probably yours!
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Why are Mexicans so short?
When they're young, their parents say, "When you get bigger you have to get a good job."
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What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?
Unemployed.
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How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Doesn't matter, they're to short to reach the socket.
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How do you get 50 Mexicans is a phone booth?
Throw food stamps in it.
Q. What's 6 miles long and goes 4 miles an hour?
A. A mexican funeral with one set of jumper cables
Q. What do you get when you cross a mexican and an italian?
A. A guy who makes an offer you can't understand
Q. Why do mexicans have noses?
A. For something to pick in the winter time
Q. Why did they cancel drivers ed. in mexico?
A. The donkey died
Q. What did the mexican do with his first 50 cent piece?
A. He married her
Q. Why do mexicans eat refried beans?
A. Ever see a mexican that didn't screw things up the first time
or
so they can take a bubble bath at night
Q. How many mexicans does it take to grease a car?
A. Just one if you hit him right
Q. What do you get when you cross a mexican with an octopus?
A. I don't know but it sure picks tomatoes
Q. Why are scientists breeding mexicans instead of rats for experiments?
A. They multiply faster and you don't get as attached to them
Q. What do you get when you cross a mexican and a vietnamese?
A. A car thief that can't drive
Q.Did you hear about the two mexicans on that's incredible?
A. One had auto insurance and the other one was an only child
Q: How many officers does it take to arrest a Mexican Guy?
A: It takes 4; 1 to arrest him and 3 to carry his oranges.
There were these three guys, a Mexican guy, an Italian guy and a Jewish guy. They all worked
together at a factory. Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they
met together and decided that today when the boss leaves, they'll all leave early, too.
The boss left and so did they. The Jewish guy went home, read the newspaper and took a nap. The
Italian guy went home and cooked dinner. The Mexican guy went home and walked to his bedroom.
He opened the door slowly and saw his wife in bed with his boss, so he shut the door and left.
The next day the Italian and Jewish guys were talking and planned to go home early again. They asked
the Mexican guy if he wanted to leave early, too, and he said, "No."
They asked him why not and he said, "Because yesterday I almost got caught!"
-There is an American, a German, and a Mexican.
They are in all in a boat.
The boat is about to sink.
Each of them have to throw things out to make the boat lighter!
The German throws out 4 cases of beer and says:
"We have a lot of bear in Germany so we don't need these!"
The Mexican throws out 5 cases of burritos and says:
"We have a lot of burritos in Mexico so we don't need these!"
The American grabs the Mexican and throws him out.
The German asks why he threw the Mexican out.
And the American replies:
"We have a lot of Mexicans in America so we don't need him!.
-
There was a German, an American, and a Mexican.
They were walking in the woods.
Suddenly a heard of buffalo came at them.
They ran and ran until they saw a shack and went in it.
2 days later the buffalo left.
The men got out of the shack only to find layers of crap everywhere!
They were forced to jump in because there was no way out.
The German took a leap and said,
" It's not bad, it's only up to my waist. "
The American took a leap and said,
" It's not bad, it's only up to my knees. "
Then the Mexican took a leap and said,
" It's not bad, it's only up to my ankles. "
The American asked, " How did you do that. "
The Mexican replied in a muffled voice, " I jumped in head first. "
-Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?
Have you seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?
-Why do Mexicans eat Tomales for Christmas?
So they have something to unwrap
-What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook?
"Steal a chicken..."
-What are the first 3 words in the Mexican national anthem?
"Attention K-Mart shoppers."
2006-06-26 08:10:17 · answer #9 · answered by penguinlunatic17 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋