He is 21 and after all these years we still have to grind on him to pick up after himself. We feel some time on his own he will get it.
He works full time so he is not a deadbeat but so do we.
The worst part is I feel terrible about it.
2006-06-26 06:54:05 · 8 answers · asked by mrely2 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well at the tender age of sixteen i had to fend for my self and I did real good if may say so myself.You are a good parent but in order to make it to great you have to produce a child that can survive on it's own.He needs some discipline as long as e is under your roof he has to play by your rules.It's either he shapes up or ship out and take it from me that's only love in its strongest form;TOUGH.It will only make him a more responsible person.He may not like it but in time he will love you for it.Just do it in love.I wish I had a parent like you.
2006-06-26 07:06:23 · answer #1 · answered by RYAN G 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Has he been saving his money? Does he have the money to move out? Ask him. Then give him a set date that he has to move out by (a specific date say in a few months so he has time to find a place). Then as the date gets closer remind him you are serious. On the date if he has done nothing, pack his stuff up and leave it on the porch, garage, outside (if it isnt raining/snowing, etc.). Then he will know you were serious and he will take his stuff to a friend's place if he did not secure a new place yet. Dont feel guilty. You need to cut the strings sometime and if you dont push him to move out he may never move out and may never get married/ a serious relationship with a future. What woman wants a man living at his parent's house if he is working fulltime.
If he has not been working for many years then maybe give him time to save money. Though you need to tell him to start saving and still make a specific date to leave the house for good (whatever amount of time he would need to save a good amount, months or a year or so).
2006-06-26 16:10:50 · answer #2 · answered by Educated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make him pay rent. If he pays rent, you don't really have a say about if he picks up his room or not. Shut is door and ignore it. (install a door closer!)
You DO have a right to expect him to leave the public areas of the house in tidy order. He should not leave his dirty dishes out around, etc. If he won't comply with requests to keep up the part of the house he shares with you, you can start consequences: Increased rent for housekeeping services rendered, etc.
If you just can't deal with it, sit with him and tell him, The arrangement we have now is not working, comply with your wishes or if he can't or won't he'll have to find somewhere else to live. If that is what it comes to, give him a reasonable time to make arrangements, but be firm and stick to the respectful request to vacate.
You say you feel terrible about it. When you express your desires about how you want your house kept (the public areas) you will feel better because the feelings have been expressed. When you tell him his consequences, you will feel better for the same reason. If you feel terrible because you feel guilty about rearing a person that lives somewhat like a slob, you are not responsible for that behavior in a 21 year old! Parents lose responsibility for that when they become TEENS!
Bring this issue to a head. The sooner the better. Get this burden off your heart and put it where it belongs: in HIS lap.
2006-06-26 06:57:14 · answer #3 · answered by Ken C. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you feel terrible about it? It is natural for a grown child to move out and start his life. Look at it this way: by telling him it's time to go, you are saying that he is a man and you are confident he is ready to live his life as a man, and not a little boy. You are doing him no favors by allowing him to remain an adolescent. He needs to learn how to budget, clean his home, cook for himself, etc. Sure, you will miss him, but it's time for him to grow up. Tell him you love him, but he has 30 days to find himself an apartment. You can give him some old furniture and dishes, a big kiss, and then push your little chicky out of the nest. It's the only way he'll learn how to fly.
2006-06-26 08:51:01 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is hard and frustrating.
Although I don't believe in the "your'e 18, get your own place" theory, I have to say, after laying it on the line for your son many times, I would tell him that his disregards to your requestsare disrespectful and unhealthy.
It's time he gets his own place.
Be there for him and explain to him your feelings, you're not disowning him.
I am glad you are doing this while he is employed. I don't understand why parents do it to children who are unemployed and barely have enough life skills to begin with.
You can also try this, tell him if he wants to stay he'll have to pay partial rent or maid fees?
I am sure you feel awful as a mother but mothers have to be tough in order to provide their children with the skills they need to learn and experience reality. Life isn't exactly a rosey path. But remember, always BE there for HIM.
2006-06-26 07:07:38 · answer #5 · answered by fiestygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad about it! If he was on his own, he wouldn't have you to do it for him. He's going to have to get used to having to do things for himself. I know, because I used to be just like him. When I moved out, I was in for a very rude awakening. My mom let me get away with everything and it was hard for me to learn to do things for myself.
2006-06-26 07:00:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on what state you live in, but i would
give him the bills i expected him to pay and if he wouldn't pay then i would give him a thirty day notice to be out of my house ,tough love.
2006-06-26 07:23:32 · answer #7 · answered by evian 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
EXACTLY LIKE YOU JUST PUT IT...IT'S TIME TO HELP OUT, OR YOU'VE GOT TO GO!!!!!
2006-06-26 06:58:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋